I'm trying really hard to sort myself out but am just making myself more anxious

[MegaLegs]

I've been struggling, with what I'm finally admitting is depression, for the past 5 years. Years of bottling it up culminated in me collapsing, with what I guess was some kind of anxiety attck, during a row with dh.
Phoned GP surgery on Mon and was offered an appointment with GP that afternoon - bit the bullet and went in, minus kids. The floodgates opened and it was a good 5 mins before I could speak.
She's referred me for counselling, 10 week waiting list. Blood test on Fri to check thyroid function - I am eating too much, put on all the weight I had lost!
Go back in 4 weeks, trying St John's Wort but terrified it will interfere with Mirena coil, another pg would finish me off!
Not sure what point of this post is really - just want to 'out' myself. I always tend to make lighthearted posts on the chatty threads but realise there is a lot of support out their for people who need it.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Depression sucks. Good for you, going to the GP and starting to get it sorted.

Did GP offer you ADs?

[MegaLegs]

Yes she did. She asked me what I wanted to do. Admitted the thought of ADs scared me. I'd read a little about various side effects and didn't want to end up feeling worse.
When I next see her in 4 weeks time she said we could discuss it further

[emsiewill]

Glad you're getting some help now, Megalegs

I'm not stalking you, honest!

You're right, there is a lot of support here, am always amazed at the generosity and humanity shown by everyone here towards people they don't 'know'

[MegaLegs]

Thanks Emsiewill and VVVQV - I'm off to get the kids some tea. Just starting this thread has lifted a weight from my chest.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Dont dismiss them out of hand ML, they have done the power of good for me. I have to say if all i get is a dry mouth (which I dont notice anymore), but am thoroughly enjoying life to the full again after 9 months, I would say thats a pretty fair bargain. Im on sertraline btw.

[Naughtynoonoo]

talking on Mumsnet helps, even though I don't really talk - listen mostly, but i am coming out of my shell. The people on here are angels and there is always an answer - whether good or bad. Just write here whilst you wait for your counselling I am sure it will help.

[Somanybabyseagulls]

Megalegs, sending you a hug. I've had a shocking few days with with the support of some wonderful mners things are starting to become clearer. Wishing you well x

[niceglasses]

Just posted myself on similar note today so you are not alone. Having awful summer hols, feel so sorry for my kids having such a crap mum. I am gonna take the ADs as anything has to be better than this......lets see if we can get thru it huh???

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Niceglasses, Im pretty sure you arent a crap mum hun.

[MegaLegs]

SMBSG - thanks for the hug and thank you. It was your thread that gave me the courage to start this one. My dh is trying hard to understand me but the humdinger we had last week was really terrible. He basically told me that the kids were being badly behaved because of the way I was acting and that I should pull myself together as I'd bought it all on myself.
I just wanted a hug from the one person who I thought would support me, instead he had turned against me.
I'm definately not dismissing ADs VVVQV - I've been looking at some old threads and wanted to know other peoples' experiences. I'm pretty sure that's the route I'll take. I'm just anxious about it because I've finally got myself sorted contraception wise, the Mirena coil suits me really well and I know ADs could potentially cause probs with it.
Fear of getting pg again (got 4 close in age) played a big part in my depression until recently.

[MegaLegs]

Niceglasses - I've found the summer hols a real trial this year - felt like a crap mum too, I seem to spend alot of time shouting. We're not crap - we are just knackered and trying to cope.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

How do AD's/SSRI's interfere with the mirena coil?

[tribpot]

Flippin' 'eck megalegs, I'd be depressed if I had 4 kids, regardless of how close they were in age (said with the due deference of a mother with one child to anyone capable of handling more than one).

I am exploring counselling options myself right now, ADs are not for me not least because I simply cannot handle another prescription request (my dh is chronically ill). I'm sure that with 4 kids this is a mad suggestion, but have you considered trying to make time for exercise as an anti-depressant?

As a partner of a person with a chronic condition, I can make a bit of a plea for understanding; sometimes it is just so hard and so overwhelming that you cannot remember that the other person is the one who needs support, and you need your own time to grieve and to deal with stuff. It is very difficult to be the one who copes, but your dh needs to come to that, he has to do it - that's part of the deal. It's made harder when your partner has a condition with no outward manifestations, as you will get told quite a lot "well he/she looks alright, he/she can't be that bad". It's incredibly frustrating and pointless and I wish to god people wouldn't do it, but they do.

Not trying to excuse his behaviour, just giving a view from the other side of the bridge. Keep talking on MN, it will definitely help you. Take care.

[MegaLegs]

Have I got that bit wrong - do SSRI's interfere with the pill? I've read so much over the past few days I've confused myself.

[MegaLegs]

OK i've just googled - I got that bit wrong! It's St John's Wort. It can effect the efficency of the contraceptive pill and possibly the mirena coil which contains progesterone. I thought I'd give the St John's Wort a try but doc said to take extra precautions as it could effect the mirena's efficency.

[Lua]

Hi Megalegs,

You said your depression started in the last 5 weeks? Can you identify what triggered? Does that coincide with arrival of kids? Did you work before?
I am asking all this questions, because although AD's are really helpfull in the short term, in the long term it hels to sort out what is causing your depression and anxiety.
I had a rough time this year when I went back to work and had to handle full time work and two kids. I also got totally scared of ever having another kid. I had a tubal ligation recently, and I feel so much better!

[divastrop]

i had the normal coil and was on prozac but dont know if it interferes with the mirena,i wouldnt have thought so as the hormones are 'extra' when it comes to the contraceptive effect,arent they?
i also have 4 kids age 8 months-8 years and expecting no.5(the coil worked fine till i had it removed dont worry)and am remembering now the depression and general insanity pregnancy brings....all the best

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

That sounds more like it mega....

[MegaLegs]

Thanks all. Hi Tribpot, you're right about the exercise. During term time I'd got into a good routine, swimming twice a week and doing aqua aerobics and/or tag rugby. Hopefully getting back into the school routine means I can get back to that - it DID help. Also have a lot to cope with DS4. He's 14 months and has an undiagnosed condition resulting in hypotonia and developmental delay. Lots of trips to specialists and therapy. I'm logging off now! Keep being interupted by dh, he's trying to work out his new phone - think he knows I'm up to something. Feel like my posts are a bit garbled at the mo. Friday tomorrow - that's my proper MN night when dh at pub. Sleep well. xx