Found out my abuser is engaged. Wrote a poem

[Geckos48]

Why does it hurt me?

Why does it hurt me
To know life's gone our way
Why does it irk me
Cause me so much pain

I don't know

It plays on my mind
That you have found a bride
Someone to share your life with

Coz when you used to pull my hair
While they acted like I wasn't there
When you'd pin me down and scream in my ears
Until I cried

When you told me I was worthless
That I'd never be the one
To love and dance and sing and laugh
My song would be unsung

I suppose that

I always thought it would be you
That found out just how harsh and cruel
Those words could be
Reality
Would come for you

That you would live a lonely life
Of fear and pain and love deprived
That any man who made believe
His sister of her wildest fears would find
He was the one life justified that tormented sacrifice

It would be your heart stitched but never healed
Your paranoid face revealed
A whispered echo of the shame
You laid down at my feet

Maybe

Maybe deep down I fear
What journey you will take these years
What lives unmade, unborn, you'll raise
With damage in their eyes

Of children born of ill-blessed rage
A new chapter on an ancient page
Pencil scrubbed but indent clear
Returning through the words

Can anybody change that much?

I can't say if it's vengeance
Or plainly abject fear
I cannot separate the two my efforts disappear
Into a myriad of life's distrust
Tainted mechanism
Thick with rust

I simply cannot say

10 long years
Yet still so clear

All I can do is pray.

[TirAnna]

This is beautiful - I've never been any good at expressing my feelings about things like this or I'd write a longer post but I didn't want to leave without commenting. I'm so sorry that you've been through this

I really wish I could find the words for a proper response - for now you'll just have to believe me when I say that this was very moving to read. I'll think on it

[iwantavuvezela]

I hear you through your words xxxxxx