terrified of something bad happening

[justamum]

I know this may sound a bit stupid because we all scared of something bad happening to our families and especially our kids but I think my fear is getting out of control since my dd was born 12 weeks ago. I am getting to the point where I am scared of getting in the car in case we have an accident and am terrified of going in to check my ds (2) at night just in case his he has been snatched from his bedroom. We are going on holiday with my mum and stepfather next week and I can't stop freakin out that they are going to get caught by the tide with my ds or that one of the children is going to get swept out to sea. My husband is irritated because I just can't watch or read things that contains anything vaguely disturbing without being awake all night and i have given up on going back to sleep after the babys 4am feed, and don't get me started on checking she is still breathing. Sleep deprivation is making things worse. I feel like now I have 2 children my head just can't cope with all the emotion of feeling anxiety for both of them. Sometimes I wish i hadn't had them then I wouldn't have to worry, am i going mad?

[singledadofthree]

nah - 'course your not.
is just the responsibility of having them to look after. we all know bad things happen to people, we just do what's reasonably possible to protect our own - and anyone else we get chance to.
just stand back a bit and look at things from the outside. we're all here to enjoy life, so dont let your worries get the better of you - used to tell meself to stop worrying things that'll never happen - i did and they havent - so enjoy life - is what its for

[saadia]

I worry too but you have to keep reminding yourself that you have lived this long without anything horrendous happening and I also keep reminding myself that you only get one life and whatever is going to happen will happen so why waste the time we do have worrying about it. I mean to say we should enjoy and appreciate the times when everything is going well, because nobody knows what is round the corner.

[mykidsmum]

a friend of mine went through exactly what you are describing, to the point where she daredn't drive her car. She eventually went to her gp who said it was a form of PND, and things improved with fluoxetine. I'm not saying this is the case with you but is something worth considering, overwhelming feelings like this are more extreme than most of us feel (although i'm sure we can all identify to an extent). Please speak to your gp or HV, if this is a chemical inbalance you need help to get things back in perspective. sending you much love and light x

[saadia]

sorry that last sentence didn't come out how I meant. What I meant was that we are all in the same position of not knowing but most people live perfectly normal lives without any major disaster befalling them.

[justamum]

thanks everyone, in the daytime I know I'm being silly. I think its a combination of too little sleep, media overload and having read too many crime novels! If things get any worse I will talk to my HV who is lovely and already knows I am not quite right since having the baby.

[nearlythree]

justamum, I feel exactly the same, I've just had my third baby and it is really hard. I felt like it after my first too, but not after my second. Atm my big fear is illness followed by dropping dh on our wooden floor, but with dd1 it was car journeys and drowning in the bath, and in both cases when I've felt like this there was a trauma around the birth. We nearly lost dd1 at birth and when ds was born, dd2 was taken into hospital and I thought she was going to die. Now that we are home we have had chickenpox, and I have been finding it really hard to connect with my children, esp. the dds, although it is getting better it is also hurting more. My friend also lost her ds recently and I think that is adding to my fears. I wonder if there could be something triggering these feelings for you? Maybe something from your past - I can remember my mum talking to me about her own death when I was about four! Maybe counselling might help? I might go for this although for now I have decided to avoid medication. I'm also trying to write down something positive about each child each day to get in perspective that actually, they are all okay and doing well. Avoiding the news helps, too, and choosing light reading that has no deaths in it. And you are so right about sleep deprivation, although I don't like sleeping as I tend to have nightmares.

[nearlythree]

Sorry, that shoud be dropping ds, not dh!

[justamum]

Nearlythree, oh god! I would have freaked out totally if I was you, you are so strong. I don't think there is anything from my distant past but there have been a couple of incidents with my son recently that have scared the life out of me, twice he has got out onto the road outside our house which is quite busy and he is an escapologist who regularly escapes from pushchairs and carseats. My DH and I have also finally got round to taking out a life assurance policy which has made me think about life/death a lot too. I like your idea about writing something positive everyday and I know where you are coming from about not liking sleep, its now 12.05 and I can't quite bring myself to go to bed

[justamum]

just remembered, when ds was due I had endless nightmares that dh would accidently lift him into ceiling fan! Oddly enough that damn fan broke within a week of his birth- of course I had nothing to do with it!!!!

[hovely]

I had loads of vivid 'flashes' of awful things that could happen after DD was born - most frequently I 'visualised' swinging round holding her and crashing her head into a shelf or mantelpiece - or the staircase collapsing - etc. It went away after a couple of months. I told myself it was my mind working out the new responsibility and turning it into 'day dreams'.
Can you start doing something to help you relax? Exercise (at 12 weeks? no chance I could have done, but we are all different). Meditation? gentle yoga? listening to calm music just before bed?
if you carry on without enough sleep you will go totally bananas.

[quootiepie]

Hiya- I know its not much help but im the same. I have visions of dropping my baby, or crushing his skull against a doorframe, before he was born I was worse - all I could think about was nuclar war, or the fact that one day im going to die. I was on sleeping tablets, ADs and diazepam for a while (until I got pregnant) and since sons been born, ive had to go on beta-blockers (all I can take while breastfeeding). The panicing about things seems to have calmed down (well, until about a week ago when I was breifly back on diazepam). I know where mine stems from (although my two EX-therapists brushed it aside)- I had an abortion 18 months ago. I know my panics wont go until I deal with the route (which I can never do) but maybe you've been through a trauma? Im only going from what ive been through. Just really leting you know your not alone - I used to think I was the only person in the world lying awake at night, panicing.

[quootiepie]

p.s I cant watch even remotly scary films, news etc. either anymore.

[teacakes]

Justamum - I am so glad you posted this, it is comforting to know that I am not alone in this. I know I am a serious worrier, DH is as well. We normally worry about the same things but don't tell each other until it starts to get us down.

I tend to find when I am happy or at rest, horrible thoughts came into my mind and I have no idea where they come from - it is scary.

But agree with other skipping the news is the best thing to do. BTW what did your HV suggest?

[carnation]

Yes me to I cannot begin to tell you the thoughts that have come into my head with 4. It makes it far worse when a news item concerning children plays havoc with you. I remember the dunblane tragedy I have a DD the same age. I could not let my children go to school on a bad feeling. Unfortunately those feelings never really go away you just learn to control them better. I do thing that it is the overwhelming responsibility you feel as a parent. You will learn how to put things into perspective which will make things a little easier in time.

[melbournemum]

oh goodness me too! I was just going post a message asking if anyone else experienced irrational fears and found this thread! I was really bad before ds1 was born thinking things like 'if the baby dies I wonder if we'll still go home to Australia for christmas!' ridiculous things like that. then out of nowhere I'd have a horrible thought of him dying in some awful way. It settled down for a while but now seems to be back, ds2 has just turned 1. I can go for days ok and then all of a sudden imagine that I've fainted and they've both drowned in the bath. I don't where these thoughts stem from... it seems quite common though....

[wilsony]

Reassuring to know other Mums are thinking the same way - my irrational fear is of "P's" (I cant even bring myself to type the word). More so because shes a girl and theres been so much in the press lately. We live in a ground floor flat and Im terrified that shes going to get snatched in the middle of the night so I cant sleep properly plus my poor man isnt getting much sleep either because I keep dreaming that he is my daughter and I try to pull him close to me in the middle of the night in case hes going to fall out of the bed. This was funny the first few times it happened but its getting ridiculous now, Im surprised he hasnt accidently punched me in the face yet! Ive wondered if this is a sign of PND as Ive heard of people having irrational thoughts but didnt think it was along those lines, more towards how you feel about your baby. I guess I am feeling a bit down just now - baba is at nursery and Ive taken time off work as I feel I need some time to myself - Ive spent the last 2 days sleeping and cleaning!

[madmarchhare]

Another one here. I end up having panic attacks and have now been given fluoxetine which has worked for me in the past.

justamum - I think you should have a word with your HV or GP anyway. Im not saying you need ADs immediately or anything like that but sometimes just chatting about it can help. You might be given some relaxation techniques or breathing exercises.

Having suffered before it is easier overall if you try and tackle it now rather than later.

[justamum]

I haven't even looked at this thread for ages, so good to know I am not alone. Waves of support emanating to everyone who feels the same>>>(supposd to be a wave) I am actually coping a whole lot better now. I still have really stupid fears, my latest was triggered when a friend who manages a childrens dept bought me a load of summer clothes for next year in the sales- i was v happy but can't help thinking what if something has happened to them by then, also I got stung by a wasp yesterday which set off vivid nightmares of anaphylactic shock (kids-not me, I'm fine)I can't help wondering if a lot of it is to do with my brain not being stimulated enough recently except by the challenges of a toddler and baby. Wilsony-your fear is shared by all of us, its not irrational and the tabloids don't help, it makes you feel like P's are everywhere and they are just not!!!
Thanks for advice, I don't think I need to go to HV now, am sleeping far more (DD is sleeping through)and feel more able to cope with emotions & fears.

[horseshoe]

Justamum,

Reading your thread I felt like I could have written it.

After dd1 was born, I became agrophobic. I was so scared of leaving the home. If I did, someone would have to talk to me on the phone whilst I ran down the road pushing the buggy.
My fear stemed from not being around to protect my kids. I then feared everything from anaphylactic shock (so I stopped eating) and stopped the kids eating certain foods (Zirtex is carried with me everywhere) to heart attacks ....anything you can imagine.

I later found out as MKM said a form of PND that with time developed into general depression/anxiety. I think in a way it became I habit I couldn't stop. Someone on the other threads discribed it to a tee...I became so "emotionally consumed" with everything going on around me that I couldn't focus on anything else. We also discussed the possibility of me having General OCD. Where some people fear germs and constantly wash their hands....I fear danger to my kids. therefore I run through certain procedures to make sure everything is OK before I am happy for that situation to progress.

I'm much better now but the fears never go away...and your right...the tabloids dont help and always kick up new or old fears.

I deal with it now by just being cautious....eg the allergic reactions...I now carry Zirtex....I double lock doors switch of plugs and then check them again. My little "behavoiur" keeps me happy. Probably drives everyone mad but It keeps me from worrying and getting panic attacks.

[nearlythree]

Hi, justamum, wish I was strong! My current obsession is the heatwave, I check the forecast every hour or so as I am worried about ds overheating. We get power cuts here every time there is a storm so I spend all my life sterilising bottles in case the electricicty goes off, and I am terrified of drought/ water shortages/stand pipes in the street. Not to mention heat stroke and sun burn! Definitely think the newspapers and tv are hyping thi sup madly atm, and the bloody met office doesn' help with its alerts and 'ring NHS Direct' forecasts - and NHS Direct were responsible for me getting into a totally unnecessary panic over ds anyway!

So how are you today?