Not sure if depressed but scary thoughts...

[Newmummy26]

I am a new mum, lovely ds ia 16 days old. I am not particularly weepy, down or what I conventionally think of as depressed. I am hugely concerned about some scary thoughts I have been having on and off for the last 10 days. It started with just anxiety about people holding the baby, imagining they would drop him, bang his head etc. Now I am imagining myself accidentally hurting him when I see an open window I think, "what if I dropped him out of it". I think now that thought has morphed into me obsessing that I could do this to him even though it started off as just a stupid worry. I have to have the windows closed now as just looking at one open makes me feel sick about that thought.

I must stress that I have no urges to hurt him ordinarily. I have read of some people saying they had to walk away and put their baby in the cot so as not to hit them etc. This is not how I feel at all. It is irrational but now I am so worried about why I have had the thoughts that I have convinced myself I have pnd and am losing it. I have told my husband and he thinks that maybe now I am rehashing it over and over again, the hormones are racing and I am tired and naturally concerned about what a vulnerable little bundle the baby is.

Has anyone else encountered this? Should I go to the docs or see how I feel in a few days?

Thanks in advance.

[Feistybird]

I had this - and 5 years down the line, still do, but much less often. I think it's just the sheer weight of the responsibility of being a parent - the startling realisation that the health and life of this brand new person is in your hands.

Does that ring any bells with you?

[Medulla]

I think this is quite normal. I went through exactly the same feelings when my DD was born 3 years ago. Like you I thought i was being so irrational and questioning whether or not I had PND but on speaking to others I found lots of mums had felt the same at some point during those first few weeks.

I think as you say your hormones are racing and you have this overwhelming feeling of total responsibility to your little helpless one. She relies on you for everything - and that's alot for you to get your head round especially as your body is physically trying to recover from giving birth.

Have you got a good health visitor? Or maybe some other new mums? I bet if you were brave enough to bring up the subject you would be surprised at how many others feel/felt the same :)

[Mytwopenceworth]

first of all - HUGE congrats on your lovely baby!!!!

i think you should tell your health visitor. (or are you still with the midwife at 16 das? - it's a long time since i had a new born!)

it could be the baby blues, you dont have to be wailing for it to be that! i do know that you worrying is going to make things worse, so you need to put your mind at rest. the worst thing to do is to keep it to yourself.

And every new mum worrys about everything! i came up with a million ways that mine could get hurt - including a bird attacking them in the pram! (i really used to fret about that!) it's normal but mention it so they can keep an eye on you. xxx

[bakedpotato]

Congratulations on your new baby!

I think it would be sensible to mention this to GP/HV, just so they can keep an eye out. You sound scared by it; and it sounds scary. It can't hurt to tell someone, and you may find that saying it aloud to an authority figure helps.

[jangly]

I remember reading that it is usually the conscientious, good mothers who get this fear (that they will harm their baby). Try to relax a bit if you can.

[Newmummy26]

Thanks for speedy responses! I think I have just disgusted myself by thinking such awful "what if" scenarios that I now think i am a danger to him and that I may, if left unchecked, go on to do the things that i have thought about. Realistically I know I have no desire to hurt him. Having had depression in the family I am aware that you can slip into it and it is a chemical imbalance. I just want to enjoy my baby without fearing an anxious thought will surface.

He is so small I agree it is their total reliance on you which is scary.

[Medulla]

Don't be disgusted with yourself Newmummy :( this is a happy (but tiring) time. It's normal, honestly. I think it's your head coming to terms with the whole parenting thing - it's huge becoming a new parent for the first time.

[bubblepop]

newmummy! hello and congratulations! i agree with the others, hormones are flying, your tired, and this new responsibility is totally OVERWHELMING. i felt exactly the same as you, even after my fourth baby.i worried that people might drop her if they held her in a certain way, or that the pram might tip over and she might fall out when my toddler was paddying at the front! i did discuss it with my hv, who said it was perfectly normal to feel over anxious with a new baby, its part of the instinct to look after them. i think its good that you are aware that these feelings aren't quite right, and that you will go to your gp if you start to feel worse.with me, i started to feel much much better when the baby started to sleep through and my body had returned back to normal.so don't worry too much, these feelings will fade in time and you will soon be back to your old self.get plenty of rest and enjoy your new little bundle

[KommandantColditz]

I so know what you mean!

You will be walking along, carrying the baby, and suddenly it will fly into your head "Oh my God what if I dropped him!? On this hard floor! his poor little head!!! I could do that to him!!!!"

I got this with both my babies, but IME it does lessen over time. I had it worse with my first (people, laugh but I really did think he would get kidnapped if I stopped looking at him, and it would be my fault!) but also with my second. I think it is partially hormonal, it seems to ease after time and sleep.