I'm drowning and I'm too scared to tell DP

[MyBloominMarvellousYoni]

I am back again :(

I finally thought I was getting back to some normality, the crisis team discharged me. I am now with CMHT waiting for DBT. I have a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder.

I started getting back into work and started feeling better about the whole thing.

The last few days I can feel myself slipping. I cut myself today. I want to take an overdose. Not to die, to just get some peace from the pressure.

DP has said as long as I earn 550 per month to cover the rent and that's it. But it feels too much.
I've just seen my schedule for next week and it's made me panic. It's too much but if I tell work they will just stop my hours altogether And DP won't understand.

I can't earn enough to pay the rent (he pays everything else) so I'm scared we will lose the house but at the same time I feel so ill right now. I don't want to be here anymore :(
I can't cope :(

[Stupidlyanxious]

Hi - just wanted to offer hand-holding and an ear to off-load to.

I'm sorry to hear that you feel you are feeling so dire. I understand that need to escape from the pressure even just for a wee while. Are you able to distract yourself from your thoughts of overdose & cutting?

Are you certain work will fall through if you try and negotiate hours? Is there a sympathetic ear in HR that you could discuss it with? Perhaps negotiate a more gradual return? If they know you have been off sick with MH issues employers have to accommodate that surely? (sorry, am not up to scratch on employment law)

Has DP been supportive throughout your previous crises? Perhaps you are doing too good a job of pretending all is well? I know my DH was pretty shocked when I revealed the full extent of my experiences over the last 18 months.

Keep talking.