Guilt guilt guilt

[rosesinmarch]

Would love to just chat to someone about this.

I feel so very bad for the mistakes I've made which might affect my kids' later health.

I often think I should not have had kids at all, although I love them beyond words.

The mistakes include allowing my younger child to get overweight as a toddler (have now rectified with healthy diet and exercise), letting them have too much salt (again, am trying to rectify), overuse of sunscreen as I was very overprotective when they were little (have now rectified this), once allowing one of them to run out of sight in the supermarket aged 2.... I could continue.

I do try my best, and tell myself how lucky I am that so far they're pretty healthy. I know I sound very ungrateful.

Does anyone else ever feel this way?

[nenevomito]

Don't be so hard on yourself. There isn't a parent out there that hasn't fucked up somewhere, me included.

I'm sure you didn't set out to do any of the things that you've listed up there out of malice, and you've said that you're going to make changes, so stop worrying.

[rosesinmarch]

Thanks Babyheave. I find it very hard to disentangle what's mental health stuff (which I've had for years), and what's actual stuff to feel guilty/worry about. Though I also realise guilt's a bit of a pointless emotion anyway.
Thanks for taking time to reply.

[melbie]

I think guilt comes as a part of parenting. Every parent makes mistakes- some are more visible than others but no one can be perfect at it. The main thing is that you have recognised your mistakes and are doing something about it. That in itself is an achievement. You can't change the past- only the future and you are already doing that.

Reward yourself for what you do right rather than thinking about the small mistakes. And if you love your children beyond words then they are lucky children. Give them a cuddle and don't beat yourself up over things that happened in the past

[AgentZigzag]

It's a difficult one to get to grips with, but you have to accept the guilt as part of being able to know and love your DC.

This be the Verse by Philip Larkin makes me feel a bit better (that it's an accepted fact that fucking them up is inevitable in one way or t'other), and I heard Robert Winston once say that it doesn't matter what you do to them, their genetics will overcome it all (I cling on to this one ).

Of course you have an affect on your children, but the things you're describing are what I would consider minor in the risk they'd have in negatively affecting your DC, and things most parents do at some point.

More major things that would be legit to be worried about I would say stray into abuse territory, which you most definitely are not describing.

You've sorted all the things you thought you were doing 'wrong', that's reason to feel great you've noticed and moved on from them

If you can't see anything immediately 'wrong' with them, try not to go looking for something.

If I can rationalise that it's maybe me over thinking it rather than something genuinely up, I try to just take that moment as it is, I know it won't last forever, but I try and enjoy it for what it is (what can be a bit of contentment/peace in a freaky world).

[rosesinmarch]

Thank you, AgentZigzag and melbie.

Very true about the visibility of mistakes. Sometimes it seems no one else could possibly make the mistakes I do, but then when in better frame of mind realise maybe they're busy making different ones I have no idea about.

Great poem, and great thought from Robert Winston. I believe Steven Pinker said something similar about personality, which I also cling to at times!

Lovely to chat about it .

All ridiculously difficult sometimes, isn't it?

[AgentZigzag]

It's so ridiculously difficult that anyone standing on the outside would wonder whether it was worth it

But it's the 'x-factor' children have which makes all the difference.