My children have been in foster care since May and the final hearing last month went in the LA's favour to keep them for the forseeable future.
My life is now a mess !
I've been to the doctors and were put on anti depressants but due to having a blood condition the side effects of bleeding prevents me taking them . I have an appointment at the mental health hospital next week to see what happens next.
I have no idea what happens next. Contact is being decreased gradually between myself and my children at the moment , it has gone from twice a week to once a week , today being the last time . I won't see them now til 15th as it moves to fortnightly , then monthly and it becoming every 2 months in the summer . I am in bits already. I spend each day in tears . Some weeks I only move off the sofa to go and see my children . I can't even remember what day of the week it is . My house is a pigsty and my whole reason for living has gone . I wonder a lot what the point to life is anymore without my kids , then I think of them and they stop me doing anything silly !!
I can't concentrate on anything anymore , nothing makes me happy and I just feel like I'm existing rather than living !! I just wish I could sort myself out . I hate feeling like I do . I hate feeling empty behind the eyes . The day they took my kids they really did take my reason for living !
My question I guess is does counselling really help ? How can talking help when it won't bring my kids home . I've been told by the professionals the children will come home because I am doing everything they want , I am willing to bow down to them and I will do absolutely in my power to get my kids back where they belong . I'm doing a parenting course (when I got no kids ) I'm going on the freedom project even though I'm single . I have turned upto every single meeting , contact and I have been the best mum I can be for my kids .. .
I guess throughout the past 9 months I've been thinking of my kids so much , putting them first at every opportunity , let the authorities walk over me coz I thought by fighting back I would make the situation worse (the social worker at one point told me I can always move on and have more kids !!! I told her I didnt want more I wanted MINE !!) I guess I've forgotten who I am ... I sit and cry about how my kids must be feeling so much that I have become numb . Totally and completely numb . So how does counselling help and I guess what are the alternatives to anti depressants when someone feels like a failure??
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Mental health
children in long term foster care and I'm struggling *long*
13 replies
getmeoutofthismadhouse · 01/03/2013 23:19
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