What should I do about work?

[Steala]

Also posted in going back to work, but equally applicable here.

I currently work part time in the City in a job I find stressful. I have two children and I don't know what to do.
At the moment, I feel I am not coping at work, am losing touch with the children and that everything is getting on top of me. I don't know whether to give up work or hang in there. I didn't enjoy being at home full time. I got bored. But perhaps that was because there was always the option of going back to work. If there wasn't, would my mindset change?
Added to that, I have PND and so rather unsurprisingly, I'm not particularly happy at home and I'm not particularly happy at work.
Do I give up and risk regretting throwing away my career? Do I hang in there and risk regretting not spending enough time with the children? Do I get signed off with PND and risk career suicide? If I did take that route, how would it affect things in the future?
I am not really a regular poster but I have posted sporadically over the past year or so. I would appreciate any objective comments. I find my family are too embroiled in it to really help me decide.
Thanks for listening.
Steala

[MissChief]

don't really know how to give objective advice. However, I understand what you're going thro - now got 2 kids myself, had/have part-time job and unsure whether to return (mainly would due to fear of career suicide that you describe). It sounds like you might need some time to yourself to relax/take stock - could you take some time off work but still put yr kids in childcare so that you can do this?
Also, what line of work are you in - are yr skills transferable or could you retrain in future in order to relaunch yourself in a few years? Another thought is whether yr employer could offer you a sabbatical of a couple of years so that you'd have the option to rtn at a later date. HTH - I feel for you! It's much easier to advise someone else than sort myself out, I must say!

[controlfreaky]

sorry to hear you're having a hard time... am lawyer who has just decided to take sabbatical for year... for reasons you describe- not enjoying work / not enjoying kids and permanently stressed and cross. my feeling was giving up job altogether too drastic a step for me but that until i stopped working like this i couldnt really begin to think about other options / what i really want to do. plan to see how it goes when pressure is of and have some head space. may go back. may resign altogether... can you get yourself some breathing space? if not is giving it up altogether an option for now? wouldnt worry too much over career break but dont know your field of work... dress it up as "family leave" and this is beginning to sound acceptable / reasonable (as it bloody well should!)sounds like current situation needs to change if you are to feel better. good luck whatever you decide to do. you may be interested in chat thread yesterday on here "any lawyers..." if you can find it. sorry. cant do high tech linky things to those who can.

[controlfreaky]

bump for steala

[Steala]

Thank you so much for replying. Sorry for not posting earlier - just back from quite a manic day in the office.

I'm a lawyer too, so I will look out for the thread. Stressed and cross sums me up at the moment!

I could give up work. We would find a way to cope. I'm lucky to be in that situation. But we couldn't afford child care. I think the only way to do that is to get signed off to give me some breathing space. My doctor is willing to do that. I'm just not really comfortable with the idea.

A sabbatical sounds like a good idea. Less scary than resigning altogether. Hope you are both happy in the decisions you have made!

Steala

[controlfreaky2]

spooky steala! was just having quick mn moment after bloody working until 5 mins ago (2 hours off beteen desk in office and laptop at home for childrens baths and bedtime). roll on august. have you any holiday coming up? could you escape normal routine even if for one day to have some time to think about it all sans kids / work / routine? i didnt enjoy (or enjoy enough) being sahm when dss's v small... are much better company now. are yours v young still? if so you are probably just exhausted as much as anything... hope things get better. keep posting. mn is wonderful invention.

[controlfreaky2]

what sort of lawyer? one who has to work v long hours!mmmm maybe same as me....

[Steala]

Commercial litigation. What about you? August will be here before you know it! You must be really excited.

I am on holiday in just over a week. Although it sounds pathetic, it seems such a long way off. I just feel as though I am going to explode. PND...

My children are 3 and 19 months. They are getting more fun to be with all the time but I don't seem to be able to relax into it. I feel more confident with jigsaws, crafts, music, even cooking than playing. I just feel I'm losing touch with them.

Thanks again for all your advice.

[controlfreaky]

poor you. do you have dh / dp? what does he think? make sure he pulls his weight and supports you during your hard time... if not what do friends and family think?
if you have limited options re job can you tackle the pnd in some way so you feel better able to cope with the stress? hope you've booked decent holiday! sounds as if you need and deserve it.
your children are still v young and at that age v physically exhausting. that does get better for definite as they become more independent.
i found it took me long time to adjust to 2 small children and work. felt pulled in 50 different directions at once and made me feel out of control (see my mn name for how disastrous this was for me)and panicy...
all the best. keep posting on mn. its fab.

[controlfreaky]

meant to say. am family law barrister.

[Jennypog]

My children are a bit older than yours and I kept my job open and went back, but had a year off work for both of them. Looking back now, I really wish I had given up work after my second. I had a "career" and felt that I would miss out if I gave it up completely and so I work part time.

I keep thinking about all the things I could be doing now if I had given it up when I was a bit younger and then done something different. I feel that I am a bit old now to give it up because I would probably find it difficult to get back into the work place again. Although you know your situation better than anyone, I wish I had given it up when they were babies, immersed myself into motherhood and gone back when they went to school. Lots of women do this, but of course, it depends whether you can afford it.

Being a mum is a very special time, I think you should savour every moment, because they grow up in the blink of an eye. Just my opinion, I wish you the best of luck.

[Steala]

Thank you. I do have a very supportive husband. In fact, I really have very little to complain about. I do feel really self-indulgent wallowing in it.

Many thanks for your good advice.

Steala