It's all gone so wrong. We moved house six months ago to try to create a better life for us. More balance, me working less, a better school for DS etc etc. The downside was DH needs to work elsewhere mon to friday but we saw it as a small sacrifice to get a nicer life long term.
The move caused alsorts of issues, I no longer speak to my Mum as she was furious as we are further away. (this was actually the final straw in a long vile awful history of vileness). We are far away from friends and I don't yet know anyone here to properly talk to them. DH isn't here and I can't talk to him anyway about just how bad I am feeling. However understanding he is he can't quite help.
The biggest issue is that I am bi-polar and not on meds. I should be but to be honest don't want to as I have a weight problem that I am trying and failing to control and the moment I go back on them I will get big again. I can't go back on them I am scared of them,
I am not under the mental health team here yet, I am too scared to go and see them. My new GP summoned me in for a 'chat' and nearly freaked out when she realised I am on my own during the week with DS. Her reaction tells me I can't go near anyone like her, I am scared of what they will do.
The moment I tell anyone like that I feel like the whole pack of cards is going to come tumbling down. I am self employed and if I have to stop work we are screwed.
I feel awful, I am being awful to everyone and I want to cut myself but I haven't because I know that is stupid. I feel like we have made such a massive mistake but I don't know what else we could have done. I was so unhappy before we moved but am still unhappy now.
Today I heard from a friend who we recently went on holiday with whom (and the other family) there was a falling out on said holiday. I feel like I am taking the brunt of what went wrong, we are far away now and they have been talking between themselves.
I don't deserve to be here. I wouldn't be here but I don't have that right to do that to my child. I really don't know what to do any more.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.
Mental health
I feel like I am falling off the edge and don't know what to do
7 replies
ivereallydoneitthistime · 23/03/2011 18:43
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.