Can I pull myself out of this without meds?

[controlpantsandgladrags]

I had PND post DD1, took prozac for 9ish months, paid for a few counselling sessions. Took myself of the meds and felt much better etc etc.

DD2 was born a 13 months ago. No PND this time, everything was ok until a few months ago.

I feel very angry a lot of the time. I'm irritable and have lost my ability to be patient. I can't be bothered to play with DD, I just want to be left alone.

My good days are getting fewer and far between and I have felt consistently down and tired for a couple of weeks now, with no good days in between.

I'm a sahm and am frankly bored and lonely.

Really reluctant to go back on ADs. I've started taking st john's wort but not noticing any improvement yet. Beginning to think that for DDs sake I am going to have to go to the GP.

I need something to change but I just don't know what. I feel totally stuck.

Don;t know what I'm asking really, but any advice re ADs/snapping out of it would be much appreciated.

P.S would this even be classed as PND as DD2 is 13 months?

[peskykitty]

I think PND can be diagnosed even later than that so it is a possibility.

Make an appointment with the doctor anyway,will do no harm, and perhaps give yourself a time scale in your head - if I'm not feeling any better by x date then I will consider giving the AD's another go.

Is there a specific reason why you don't want to go back on them?

[babyapplejack]

I don't know if you can pull yourself out of it without meds, but I think that if you are going to try to then you should look into a part time nursery place for DD2 to give yourself some space as you would like some time alone. Being at home with small children is very hard.

[TheVisitor]

I had late onset PND diagnosed 18 months after giving birth, many years ago. Snapping out of it isn't an option, as if you could do it, you would have done already. I've just been back to the doctors (felt like I'd given in) and am on a low dose antidepressant. We'll see how it goes. Might be worth trying to get out of the house more and see people, something I'm VERY bad at doing.

[AxisofEvil]

Another line of consideration might be to do something about feeling bored and lonely. Is returned to work an option or if not volunteering, starting some form of project or going out to more groups? Might be worth a thought.

[controlpantsandgladrags]

Thanks so much for the replies.

Going back on the ADs just feels like giving in somehow. I feel embarassed to have gotten myself into a mess again.

DD2 will be doing 2 mornings a week with a CM from May so I'm focusing on that and am planning to find something to do just for me during that time.

I could definitely do with a project, I just don't know what! Returning to work would be difficult because I don't have the potential to earn enough to pay for childcare for 2 DC. DD1 gets her free nursery hours after easter which will help, so I could possibly look for a part time job (although I have no idea what the job market is like at the moment).

I know deep down that I do need ADs again, I just need to stop putting off the inevitable

[controlpantsandgladrags]

I need some more RL friends too as my friends with DC all work 3 or 4 days a week so I don't see much of them. I do go to toddler groups etc with the DC but I'm just one of those people who doesn't make friends easily. Could definitely do with a bit more adult conversation in my days though!

[menagerie]

CPAGR, why does it feeling like giving in? It's a medical condition not a character defect. I wouldn't judge from online if you can or can't pull yourself out of it, but there's no harm in taking needed medication. There is harm in getting increasingly angry and detached from your child. That will ruin your quality of life with her and bring on unnecessary guilt and harsh self judgement.

If it were me, I'd go for meds but I see no more shame in mental health issues than other illness. If you had diabetes, you'd not feel you'd 'given in' when you needed insulin would you?

And if you want RL friends, you'll be more accessible when you're back to normal. It's hard to make friends when you're low. Harrassed and tired new mums run a mile from stressed out, short fused people, and that only adds to the feeling of inadequacy.

Allow yourself the best opportunity to get well again, enjoy life, make friends and get on track.

I wish there were a big national campaign on no shame in taking meds for mental illness. It's such an extra pressure on people when they're so down, that they feel they have no right to proper medication, or that it's a failing to need it.

[controlpantsandgladrags]

thanks menagerie. I would never judge anyone else for taking anti-depressants, I'm just very self critical. I will be the first to say that prozac saved my life a couple of years ago.

What you say about increasing anger and detachment from my DC is absolutely true. I have to do it for their sake.

Thank you.

[menagerie]

Their sake and yours. You count too.

[controlpantsandgladrags]

sorry for the delayed response.........thank you for saying that menagerie. Made me cry for some reason.

GP appointment made for next tuesday.