Husband with anxiety

[Jimmiejammy]

I feel as if everything is coming to a head. DS is 8 months old and i start back at work next week. Sorry, this is my first post please be gentle.

After his paternal leave ended, my DH ended up being off with depression and anxiety for 5 weeks, then returned to work for a couple of months and was off for 8 weeks. He can be a very hands on dad, but when his anxiety is bad he finds it hard to "handle" DS, and this subesquently gives him feelings of guilt.

I find myself dwelling on times when I could have used DH's support - like he left me in hospital alone an hour after traumatic birth, is this normal? (he was anxious and tired), his family swamped me by visiting in groups of NINE daily and he didnt want to hurt their feelings by asking them to leave.

Now i feel like i have been carrying him for the last 8 months, I am terrified of returning to work, emotional about leaving DS, and have no-one to turn to, I cannot tell worries, thoughts concerns etc to DH in case I make his anxiety bad again.

I dont know if this should be in this topic, but need a vent, moan and advice. I feel as if I walk on eggshells all the time for fear of tipping him over the edge - he had suicidal thoughts. To everyone (including my family) i am the happy-go-lucky one with no worries. I love my husband dearly, but just wish he could be the strong one, I dont think i can manage it for much longer. I do not want to resent my DH, I know he is ill. Sorry for the legnth of this.

[KalokiMallow]

No advice, but my DH is the same (severe general anxiety disorder) so you aren't alone

[Jimmiejammy]

Thank you

[KalokiMallow]

I think there's a few others on here in the same situation. It is so difficult because you do find yourself getting angry at them, even though you know it is a little beyond their control.

Is your DH getting any help? Is it worth you going to the doctor and asking their advice?

[Jimmiejammy]

He has been to the GP, but is refusing counselling. You're right, I know its not his fault, and he cant just shake it off, but its hard to stay positive. He cant take medication - his works considers antidepressants a "banned substance".

I work for my GP so dont really want to air my problems there.I actually feel better telling someone - even if it anonymous and on here.

[KalokiMallow]

Why is he refusing counselling? Especially without drugs to moderate his anxiety that seems daft, and unfair on you!

[MrsSatsuma]

If you don't mind my saying so that seems a rather short-sighted view on his employer's part! Unless he is something to do with sport..? Could he try one of the online programmes - like MoodGym - if he won't go to counselling?

Vent on here as much as you like - you'll always find someone in a similar position.

[bizzieb33]

If he won't try counselling would he try CBT? It helped my husband, also send him out for a walk when he is tense & irritable.

It is a horrible time but he needs to get his reactions under control before dealing with a 2 year old!

Also don't feel you have no one to talk to, when I first told friends about my DH it was like floodgates had opened everyone had a tale to tell & it helped all of us. Good luck