Need some support/some sense talking in to me

[madmouse]

Am really struggling. Seems triggered by ds's brief hospital stay the other day. He had to spend the night on that friggin saturation monitor that he was on for three weeks as a newborn because he stopped breathing every five minutes when he was a day old (then it was seizures, not his lungs). It brought so much back and everytime the thing beeped (mostly through malfunction)I expected them to rush in to resuscitate my ds like they did then.

I'm so low. I feel everything's out of control. I can't protect my family, I can't keep them safe, nothing is safe. I have flashbacks again both to the neonatal unit and to the abuse.

Dh is struggling too and feeling physically rough so not much support. A good friend knows I'm struggling because I avoided saying how I was when he texted me but funnily enough these holidays are a rotten time to have a get together with a friend to unload. it's busy family time. All I want to do is hibernate. Can't walk away anymore. Need to look after ds.

Heck what a self indulgent moan. Just need to get it off my chest.

[giggly]

hi madmouse, I don't know about your history but did not want your post to go unanswered. If you are having flashbacks again then I will assume that these are not new to you.

The hospital should have a psychologist
who can treat your flashbacks to neonatal unit issues or can you access treatment through your GP?

There is a treatment called EMDR which is very effective for your thoughts of being unsafe/unable to protect your family, with lots of mental health nurses/psychologists and psychiatrists trained. within NHS trusts.

Can you call a helpline to offload during the holiday period, will not fix anything but might ease the burden.
For whats its worth moan away!

[HeroShrew]

Hello madmouse, how are you feeling today?

I'm new here and I don't know your background, how old is your DS?

The holidays are a indeed a shitter of a time to get support, but we're here if you still want to unload.

[madmouse]

Thanks both

I was diagnosed with PTSD two years ago and have just finished counselling before Christmas as my counsellor and I agreed I was ready to deal with things myself. Funnily enough since that last session a number of things have happened in quick succession that have had me teetering a bit.

DS is nearly three - when he was 12 hours old he started fitting every five minutes which stopped his breathing, deeply traumatising. He has special needs but no more fits. His rather difficult birth brought back all my memories of being sexually abused so it has not been an easy time.

If this was a normal week I would see my friends in the normal course of events and talk things over which normally helps.

[orangeflutie]

Madmouse sorry you're struggling at the moment:( I understand when you say you can't talk to friends atm because it's the holidays and they are with their families.

I've found the holiday difficult at times for the same reason. I don't know what to say really other than you've been through an awful lot and with each day your DS gets older and stronger. I think when your DC are ill though it normally takes a while for the anxious feelings to go.

I found it very difficult when my eldest DD was a baby. I couldn't let her sleep and had to keep prodding her (poor thing). I was very lucky in that I had good support from my HV and the CONI scheme 'Care of the Next Infant'.

[orangeflutie]

Sorry had to get off computer quickly. Would talking to your doctor help at all?

[HeroShrew]

It must be really difficult having your usual support network unavailable, albeit temporarily. Would you feel able to drop a text to a close friend who knows your background saying that you're feeling low and could do with a chat if they had ten mins to spare? Bet they call back in a flash, or will have a jolly good reason that they can't. Either way, they'll be glad you asked them.

[madmouse]

Thank you - I have sent a pretty stressed facebook message last night but it hasn't been picked up yet. Don't feel able to text - interferes too much, he might get it while he's with family and feel obliged to do something.

[snowmash]

Sorry you're having a rough time, madmouse. I hope you can unwind with someone in your support network...sounds like a tough and triggerish time :(

There's always here.

[madmouse]

Thank you x

Had a lovely supportive message back from my friend reminding me that just having finished with my therapist after a year and a half things are going to test me a bit but that I'm never on my own. And that it is only to be expected to have some flashbacks to the neonatal unit at this point. So that gives a bit of perspective.

Had some fun with ds and feeling slightly lighter now. Just so tired - maybe I will have a proper night sleep tonight!

[kizzie]

Hope you get a good nights sleep madmouse.

I think your friend is right - but still very difficult for you. hope tomorrow easier x