Struggling with ED and pregnant

[NurseSunshine]

I've had EDNOS (cycle of anorexic and bulimic behaviours) since I was about 10 or 11 and have been up and down with my weight and behaviours ever since. A couple of months ago I was spiralling downwards again after having felt a bit better for a while. I lost some weight but was still healthy weight. I found out I am pregnant 6 weeks ago (am now 10 weeks) and began to try my hardest to eat properly. I stopped restricting and purging but now feel totally out of control as I feel as though I'm overeating and putting on weight and there's nothing I can do about it as all my usual "coping mechanisms" have been taken away.

I don't even know what I'm asking really. Just maybe looking for some support, maybe from someone who's been there? Just feel panicky, and I don't know what to do

[HamsterPoo]

You need to eat for your baby. Everything you eat goes to your baby. You need to be healthy in order to grow a healthy baby. I promise it is okay. Please keep eating xx

I know you know all this but sometimes it helps to be told. I have anorexia/bulimia problems too, so lots of empathy xx

[BarbieLovesKen]

You poor thing. I dont know what to tell you or what to advice but I do understand though. I could have pretty much wrote your exact post, down to EDNOS from about age 11ish.

I pile on the weight each time Im pregnant as I loose the control. I dont restrict or purge either when pregnant and feel Im massive already. My plan to get through it, as I did with ds last year, was to eat as healthy as possible and what I need for the baby - keep your baby in mind at all times. I wouldnt get hungry as the guilt was too much and I couldnt put my baby in danger.

After ds I went on a diet immediately - I mean I gave birth on Monday, diet on Tues. I had lost about 4 stone by the time he was 6 months. Im planning on doing the same again - starting a diet asap as although it may not sound like the most sensible thing to do, I know me and if I leave my body the way I know it'll be after the birth, I'll spiral into depression and thats not good for me or baby.

I lost the weight a bit stupidly last time but hope to try a healthy, sensible plan this time - we could do it together maybe, if that helps at all?

Sorry I've been no help really. Suppose I posted as I just dont want you to feel alone as I had before.

[NurseSunshine]

Hamsterpoo, I do know all this, and am NOT putting my baby at risk. I am forcing myself to eat "normally", just struggling with it all mentally.

Thanks Barbie, and sorry to hear your in the same sort of situation :( I just keep thinking, I'll never be thin again! Which I know is stupid but I feel like it I can't restrict/purge then it's all hopeless! Yes, we should support one another after the birth :)

[HamsterPoo]

Then you are doing brilliantly andneed to keep telling yourself this xx

[chocolatestar]

I can relate to this. Can you speak to your dr? See if you can get a referral to a specialised dietician. One who knows about ED's.

I was ok when pregnant, I knew I needed to put the baby first. It was afterwards that I struggled. I would not recommend going on a diet after birth, I did that and ended up being really ill. I missed out on so much of DS's first year as a result. I am anxious about a relapse after I have the next baby as I am pregnant again.

Please get proper support, you deserve to be happy and well.

[NurseSunshine]

Thanks Hamster

I am being referred to the maternity mental health team so will have to speak to a psych. Not sure if I want to mention eating stuff though, as I'm healthy weight, not even nearly underweight and am used to not being taken seriously. I have been dismissed at a much lower weight before and really, if I'm eating properly during pg then what can they do.

Chocolatestar, I am worried about making myself ill and not being able to be there for my baby. That cannot happen. Also, I don't want to pass on bad attitudes to the child. How are you going to manage it after this pg?

[chocolatestar]

Mention it! I had to fight to get help. Also got dismissed a lot. ED's have nothing to do with weight, don't feel you need to be a certain weight to be I'll or get help.

This time I hope I can avoid it. One of the things my dietician asked me to do last time was to get rid of my scales. That has helped a lot. I need to stay away from them. The other issue I have is exercise, I need to make sure I don't get too caught up in it. I dunno, I just know I was miserable last time and I don't want to put my body or my family through that again.

[NurseSunshine]

I know and you know EDs aren't dependent on weight but still health professionals seem not to understand that. The maternity MH team are apparently there for after the birth as well if I need them so at least if I mention it now then they would be prepared for anything after the birth. Just have that stupid "I'm not sick enough to seek help" thing

[chocolatestar]

Yeah I know what you mean, I was the same. It's really hard to get help though so you have to find a way to get it out of your head. For your sake and your baby's sake. I picked up my ed from my Mother and I really don't want to do the same.

If you can I would try and find a specialist. Other people just don't get it I don't think.

[NurseSunshine]

What kind of specialist? I can't afford to pay for therapy or anything. Do you have to pay for dietician and everything? How do you go about getting one?

I am currently looking after patients with anorexia on the placement I'm on and that is quite hard, both for me and because I think of my child being like that. I just couldn't bear to think I had caused that in my child.

[chocolatestar]

Gosh that does sound hard, I would find that triggering.

I asked to see a dietician through my dr so I didn't pay. You could also look at the BEAT website as there might be a charity in your area that can offer you some support.

I am really worried about passing it on. I have been ok this last year but still struggle with food preparation so if I can get past the post baby period then dealing with that is my next hurdle.

[NurseSunshine]

I will ask my GP about seeing a dietician although I think because of my weight she will not refer me. She is very nice but has dismissed my ED even when I've been at a much lower weight.

Do you worry all the time if your DC is eating enough/eating too much? I've read that's a classic for ED mothers and it sounds stupid but I do it with my pets so I don't know how I'm going to manage with the baby!

It's great that you've been feeling OK this year, I'm sure you will manage to keep it up after baby is born :)

[chocolatestar]

Yes I really worry that he is not eating enough. Also that he picks up on the stress I have around food preperation etc.

My Dr was very dismissive too, can you see someone else in the practice? If not you just have to insist. That is really hard to do for ED people I think. I have been ignored so many times by Dr's etc. Defintly check out BEAT, there might be a group or a charity near you that can help out and at least they will really get it.

[NurseSunshine]

I am on the waiting list for a local ED charity to see a counsellor. The list is ridiculously long though.

The doc I mentioned is the best one there re MH type stuff but because of my weight she didn't see a problem. And I was literally right on the cusp of being clinically underweight then, now I am smack bang in the middle of "healthy". Whatever the hell that means!! I will try though I don;t hold out a massive amount of hope.

What was your weight like when you were being referred if you don't mind me asking? (I don't mean tell me your weight obv, just were you "normal" or under/over weight?)

I'm sure your son has no idea, I think we tend to blow things up in our heads and make a big deal out of them when someone else wouldn't think twice about it.

[chocolatestar]

When I first asked I was in the healthy weight range, after DS was born and I asked again I was underweight but not massively. Also I can remember times when I have been a healthy weight but my behaviours have been much worse and I have been sicker. You can be really ill at a healthy weight and better of mentally at a lower weight. I had a friend with bulimia who was a healthy weight but really unwell.

It's great you are on that list but it is so frustrating that it is so hard to get help. I really hope you can get some support, you do deserve it and it isn't fair that you are having to struggle for it.

[NurseSunshine]

Thanks for all your kind words and advice, Chocolatestar. I hope you continue to get support both now and after your baby is born :)