Hardly any sperm - in shock, please help me

[Kirton]

Don't know what to do. Not yet TTC (am 29 as is DH) but he went to the doctors for a lump in his balls, turned out to be a varicocele which is apparently quite common but got sperm test anyway gotresults this morning and has hardly any (couple of million) with poor motility and abnormalities etc. Is definitely due to the vein thing and is going for operation end of the month which has 50% chance of improving it.

But can't stop crying - he doesn't want people to know so can only really talk to BF in RL and she's at work. Am panicking - what if we can't have kids, how will it affect us, all I can see ahead is a lot of pain. Got no-one to talk to please help.

thankyou

[Kelly1978]

I've not got experience, but jsut wanted to send a {{{hug}}} and I'm sure someone will be along soon with advice. Please don't panic though, I'm sure there must be alternatives.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

I would strongly suggest you talk with Infertility Network UK. They are very good at dealing with subfertility matters. Their phone number is detailed below:-

To access the Advice line call: 08701 188 088

You will be asked to choose from four options, choose option number 2 for the advice line.

Do you know what type of surgery they will perform on the varicocele?. I ask this as a type of surgery called ligation has been found to be the most effective. The surgery aims not to remove the vein. but to correct the abnormal blood flow within the scrotum. Semen quality improves in most men, and pregnancy rates after the procedure have been good, making ligation of varicocele one of the more effective procedures in the treatment of male subfertility.

HTH

[katierocket]

It's a lot for you to take in but it doesn't necessarily mean you can't have children. The operation sounds positive and there is a specialist IVF technique called ICSI which is used in cases of sperm problems. I'd say get through the operation first then get GPs or a specialist fertility clinic to redo tests. You're both very young so time is defintely on your side.

[BuffysMum]

Sorry no personal experience, only that of friends. A good thing is that you have found at quite a young age and that you haven't gone thru the pain of unsuccessfully trying for years to get to this point. You will have 2 options - fertility treatment or adoption. There will be lots of people who can give you more info on these than me. You could ask for a referal for fertility treatment now as I'm sure there are long waiting lists etc.

Big hugs I can understand how painful this is for both of you.

[Budababe]

It only takes one determined little sperm to make a baby!

Lots of men with only one testicle manage to have children.

Try not to panic just yet.

Log on to The Zita West website - just google her - and she has lots of advice. There are natural ways to improve sperm count and quality.

That may help.

But if not - I have one DS who is now 5 and my DH has a verylow sperm count. My DS was conceived through IVF.

The only thing I would say is that if it turns out you do need IVF try not to wait too long as your age will play a part too.

Having said that I conceived DS when I was 36 but have just tried again at 42 and it didn't work. Down to me this time as am not producing enough eggs.

Good luck.

[Kirton]

thankyou - have called them and got some reassurance plus website link. Any other virtual hugs or advice very welcome

[wishing1]

Kirton:

Hugs for you 0. I have a male friend who is mid thirtees and he had a testicle removed due to cancer when he was 26 and after that he has had 3 children. My best friends husband had a similar operation and they told him 50% chance as well and they got pg 3 times after his surgery, so it worked well. I'm sure he will be fine and the surgery will do wonders. I'm sure the test results after the surgery will be a great improvement.

[AitchTwoOhOhSeven]

zita west is a genius, and there are things you can do to improve the calibre of the ones he's got. and if push comes to shove, there is icsi as a safety net.

[Firepile]

Kirton, I am sorry that you are feeling so sad. I remember how I felt when I found out that both my dp and I are subfertile. (We knew about me, and were having investigations because of that, but I just wasn't prepared for the news that my dp had low sperm count and motility too.) I cried a lot when I found out.

It was a horrible, lonely, all-consuming feeling of fear and uncertainty.

I think it is also very hard for men to be told that there is a problem. I know that my DP felt that he had let me down. I imagine that most men would struggle with the idea that their sperm was below average. Is your DH able to speak to you about it? Or does he not want to talk about it at all? I found that talking to my DP was really important, even though he found it hard.

But you definitely need to get support from other places too. If your DH really doesn't want people to know in RL, I'd really recommend getting support from an internet forum (the Fertility Friends website is pretty good, as well as MN). I know I really needed to talk about what was happening. And whether you tell people in RL or on the net, I found that people really were rooting for us. Our friends and families were very supportive. I was really surprised about how many people I knew who turned out to have had fertility problems of some sort.

I also found it helpful to think about some of the positives - in our case, we knew what the problems were, there was a treatment that might work (IVF using ICSI), and I was relatively young. It sounds as though you might be in a similar position on these points - with the option of the surgery (and Zita West) improving DH's sperm, too.

Good luck. We're here if you need us.

[Kirton]

Thanks all, you're right there are some positives and things could definitely be worse. DH and I talked last night and he is quite upbeat saying there are good odds of things getting better - or good enough. He just wants to get past the op and go from there. I can see where he's coming from and I'm v v glad he's OK with it but he's coming from the perspective of he's not functionning quite right and wants to get it sorted, not from thinking about kids cos he doesn't want them yet, they're a future thing for us. Nor do I feel ready them just yet but I definitely have a deep need to have a child and didn't expect out of the blue to have the whole thing suddenly in question. And also it now seems (naive emoticon) that you can't order a baby with quite the same ease you can a pizza which, daft though it seems, will take some getting used to having spent so many years trying not to get pregnant....

This is not turning out to be the best week though and big hugs to all who are going through or have gone through similar, take care.

[wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe]

Kirton, am so sorry to hear this news. I think it?s always a devastating blow when you receive the new that there?s a problem and that future children may be not as easy to conceive as first thought. However at least your dh has found this out before you have been down the road of ttc for years and so you can go into ttc knowing that things might not be as straightforward and can therefore mentally prepare yourselves for that beforehand. With some luck the operation will be successful and there won?t be anything to worry about. One thing that I will say though is that although I know your world is currently falling apart, it is very important that you are there for your dh at this time.

For men being diagnosed with a low sperm count can be more devastating that women. It somehow makes them feel less of a man if they?re not able to father a child, and it can make them think less of themselves.

My dh was diagnosed with a low sperm count in August, and for about a week I wandered around with realization that all my thoughts about not being able to have another baby had been realized, whereas before I?d still held this belief that just maybe it would happen. But my dh was devastated. He would never admit it in as many words, but he?s regularly said things like ?we can?t have another one because I?m a jaffer?, or that he?s ?shooting blanks?, and even said that he wouldn?t blame me if I decided to leave him and find someone who could give me a baby. (like I could just walk out on my marriage and find someone else ). Although I was hurting inside, the most important thing was for me to reassure my dh that I didn?t think any less of him, that I didn?t love him any less and that I didn?t hold him responsible for the fact we are unable to have another child. In reality I couldn?t even put pressure on him to have any kind of treatment. I did buy some vitamin supplements (fertility plus) over the net to try and improve things, but he reacted badly to them so I insisted he stop taking them. Ultimately, what he decided to do about things is his decision, and I respect that. It?s only now that he?s decided he wants to have things checked out further, I?ve never put on any pressure, I will support him in everything he does, but it?s his body and he has to decide.

Yes the future is about you two, and your ability to have a baby together, but for the now it?s about your dh and what he is going through.

Good luck xx

[AitchTwoOhOhSeven]

i just read back what i wrote and i'm concerned that it came across as a bit practical when what you needed was sympathy... it is shit when we realise that our fertility isn't as straightforward as we'd expected (or even as it is for the pregnant co-workers and family members you suddenly seem surrounded by). i do hope that dh's op works well, and am glad you are pulling togehter at an upsetting time.

[Firepile]

How are you feeling, Kirton? It's been a while since you posted, and I wondered how you were getting on.

Things sound like they were OK midweek, but it took me a while to get my head round what was happening - I was very up and down.

[Eaglebird]

Hi Kirton.
One of my cousins had some sort of testicular problem a while back. I'm not sure exactly what it was, but he had reduced fertility because of it. He and his wife had a baby using ICSI, where a single healthy sperm is selected and injected directly into the egg. So, as long as your DH is producing some healthy sperm, there's a real chance that ICSI will work should you need to go down that road.
Good luck to you both, and hope DH's op goes well x

[Littlefish]

Hi Kirton, sorry things are so hard at the moment. I just wanted to give you some hope. Due to a number of different factors, my dh has a really low sperm count with poor motility and morphology. We were told ICSI/IVF was our only way forward.

After ttc for 2.5 years, we conceived naturally, without having to have IVF. It can happen!!!!!! Dd is now 2.2yrs old and gorgeous!

[Kirton]

Thanks for all your messages and for asking how I am Firepile. At the moment it's sort of a sick feeling at the back of my mind. DH is pretty much getting on with things and doesn't seem to be giving it much thought - I don't think he's too concerned as he doesn't want kids yet and he's got something booked to try to fix it. TBH am glad he's OK and don't want to keep talking to him about it now as he's made his peace with it at the moment I think - but part of me wants to say BUT HANG ON WHAT IF IT DOESNT WORK - what do we do then??? He said when we talked about it last week that he would do IVF if needed but not to the point at which it ruined our lives, again I understand this. I just don't think it's as important to him as it is to me and don't know how to make myself feel better just now - though your advice and stories are certainly helping - thankyou

[Firepile]

Sorry for the delay - I have been working and trying to avoid feeding my MN habit...

I can certainly remember the sicky feeling as we peered into an uncertain future, Kirton. There's no way of getting round it - it is really hard.

I'm struck by the similarities in our attitudes, too. We didn't want kids then either - I only agreed to be investigated at all because I knew I wanted chilldren at some point. And I had always said that I wouldn't consider IVF - but being faced with the information that it just wasn't going to happen naturally, focussed the mind somewhat on timescales and methods.

Hopefully you won't have to go through this at all, though, because the operation will restore DH's sperm to normal levels. Do you know when the treatment will take place yet?

[Kirton]

It's next week. We're lucky in that DH has private hc with work so we were straight in, am v grateful for this. I think it takes 3 months after that for the new (fingers crossed) sperm to mature then we can test and see what's happened - I presume that it'll take a bit for improvements to be seen. Wise friend said that once we know the outcome of the surgery we can then decide on what's next and it'll sort of be small steps so not as out of control as it felt like before. And MNet has been so helpful (hopefully one day I'll be able to post in capacity as a M...!)

[Booboobedoo]

Kirton - so sorry to hear you're going through this. Just wanted to share my positive story with you.

My DH has a rare condition that means he doesn't produce any sperm at all. He told me this a month after we started seeing each other. I'd always wanted kids, but DH is the lovliest man I've ever met, and his condition was not really a consideration for me when deciding on whether to stay with him or not.

Anyway, he had fertility treatment for 18 months, and got his sperm count up to half a million. I was pregnant four months later!

So 2,000,000 sounds great!

When you actually get round to trying to conceive there are lots of things he can do with his diet/lifestyle to improve sperm motility and form. I know it's tough, but try to stay positive!

[Littlefish]

Booboodedoo. Do you mind me asking what fertiity treatment your dh had? We eat an organic diet, avoid alcohol, caffeine, sweetners and as many other additives as possible. We also both have acupuncture. I'm just always interested if there is anything else we could be doing.

[Booboobedoo]

He had to inject menopur twice a week (think that's FSH), and HCG 3 times a week. He got it on the NHS due to his condition - it costs hundreds of pounds a week privately.

I think if the man has a sperm count, then the HCG alone should be effective (which is much cheaper), although it depends what he's deficient in to begin with.

When we were ttc, he drank very little, quit smoking and ate lots of red meat and oysters.

After I conceived he started drinking more again and stopped watching his diet. We've frozen some sperm for next time, but they weren't nearly such good qualilty, probably due to his change in lifestyle. ICSI for us next time, I think.

[Firepile]

That's great news about the quick treatment, Kirton - fingers crossed for next week.

Littlefish - have you checked out Zita West's stuff? From memory, zinc and selenium deficiencies are implicated in male infertility.

[Booboobedoo]

Zinc: oysters.

Selenium: brazil nuts.

[Littlefish]

Thanks Firepile and Booboobedoo. DH already takes zinc, selenium, Vitamin C, Omega 3,6,9 and various other things which I've forgotten. No harm in adding a few brazil nuts or oysters to our diet though is there

[Littlefish]

Also, DH's sperm count is probably due to a genetic thing, so all we can do is work with what we've got!