TTC after prem labour and NND

[Itsalwayssunny]

Hi,

Just looking for anyone who is currently ttc as per the title.

My baby boy was born last year in July very prematurely and died shortly after. My DP and I are now thinking of starting TTC again and I plan to come off my pill at the end of March (waiting to avoid similar due date)

I couldn't find a thread for this so thought I would set one up and hopefully I'm not so alone in this journey and can offer support and be supportive to those going through something similar.

[Itsalwayssunny]

Sorry I totally missed off half of what I wanted to write, I don't just mean those who have suffered NND. Anyone who has suffered a late loss of any type is welcome.

[Iwonderif]

Hello OP, so sorry for your loss.

I'm a mommy to 3 children. Yet only 2 are here at home with me & DH. My first baby would have been 10 this year. I went on to have two more children. DD arrived the following year and DS2 arrived 4 years after our son died.

Even though I'm not currently TTC I didn't want to read & run. I wanted to wish you all the very best. Subsequent pregnancies after losing a baby are very different to other pregnancies. Be gentle to yourself and be honest with the professionals if you're finding things hard mentally & emotionally. I'm sure there's a thread on here somewhere for moms TTC after they have lost a child. You could always message MNHQ and they may be able to send you the link.

[KittyandTeal]

I'm sorry for your loss.

I know there is an Angels and ttc a rainbow thread somewhere unles it's become inactive.

Good luck ttc, I found the process really tough emotionally and gave up in the end (was also told conception was very unlikely after endo diagnosis) I am now expecting dc3 after loosing dd2 to T18 and a tfmr at 22 weeks.

Please come and join us on the Angels and rainbows thread when you get that positive test 💐

[Itsalwayssunny]

Thank you both, I couldn't find a thread for ttc other than ones after miscarriage, will have another look and see if there is one still active.

Kitty I hope this pregnancy is going ok for you, will hopefully see you on the other thread soon.

[KittyandTeal]

It may be that it is inactive.

A new thread is a great idea. Not to belittle miscarriage but ttc after a late loss or nnd is different somehow, I can't really articulate why but I always felt I didn't fit on those threads.

I have to say the conception 'busses' are also great. Not specifically for women who have suffered loss but they are lovely and understanding.

Hopefully you'll get a few people joining you here though x

[Itsalwayssunny]

Thanks Kitty, I didn't want to join a miscarriage thread for that reason really. Miscarriage is horrible but it does feel different to me than late loss or NND too now I am at the point of ttc. I've found the old thread and commented so hopefully between there and this hopefully there will be someone to join me on this scary journey and hopefully I can join you guys on the antenatal thread in a couple of months time.

[Seacrown]

Hi,
I had to add something here as I'm in exactly the same boat, and it's not often that that happens! Gave birth to my son Jonah on 16th October at 25+3, spontaneous labour. We lost him 4 days later. We are currently on cycle 2 trying to conceive. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you are having some good and gentle days. How are you orohressing with your journey?

[Seacrown]

Progressing even!!

[Itsalwayssunny]

Hi Seacrown,

I am so sorry for your loss. How are you finding ttc if you don't mind me asking? I am still on pill till next month as we didn't want to risk a similar/the same due date.

Have you been told what extra care you will receive this time around? Jonah is a beautiful name. Our boy is called Eli. They could find now reason for my early labour unfortunately, which makes ttc and pregnancy very daunting.

[Itsalwayssunny]

No not now reason.

[Seacrown]

I don't mind you asking at all. I am a bit of a lurker on here and I can find mumsnet overwhelming, but I know exactly how you must feel about wanting a bit of guidance and support from people in similar situation. Thank you, I love Eli too! I feel strongly about saying his name as often as possible, keeps him fresh in our thoughts.
I'll start from the beginning from my experience and hopefully it'll help.
We had no reason for the labour, same as you, which has actually calmed me somewhat. I think I would have felt worse if there had have been a problem.
My period returned 6 weeks after labour, but I bled for about 3 weeks and was a 35 day cycle (prior to Jonah I was 30-31 days). My second cycle seemed more normal so we decided to start trying. Our thinking was that we have no idea how long it's going to take- Jonah was conceived on our second month of trying. My second cycle I bled for 6 days instead of the regular 5 but this time it was only 26 days. I'm currently on day 14 of cycle 3, after bleeding for 5 days so keeping our fingers crossed that this is a regular cycle.
I'm temping and using opks to keep an eye on my fertile week and o think they're working, both my chart and opks coincided to confirm ovulation last month and I'm expecting it in the next couple of days.
The staff at the hospital have been wonderful and are very positive about our chances of getting pregnant fairly soon, there's no reason not to as there was nothing to indicate any issues. We have a bereavement midwife who we see weekly as part of a group and she has said that if we aren't pregnant within 6 months then I could ask to see someone, rather than waiting a year as would be the norm due to what's happened.
For our next pregnancy, the same lady has said she'd sneak us in for an early scan but up until 20 weeks our care would be no different as there's not anything they could do differently. I could be admitted between 24-26 weeks for my own piece of mind, which I will probably do, and will be able the ask for Dopplers weekly.
Hope that helps!
Have they given you any indication of what they would do in the future for you?

[Itsalwayssunny]

They will treat this as though it is my first pregnancy so I will have the same amount of antenatal appointments as though it was my first rather than my second, I am already consultant led due to a clotting disorder and my consultant has said she will scan my cervix at around 16 weeks and then again a couple of weeks later to check for any thinning/shortening etc. so we can know for certain whether that played a part in my labour. I haven't previously had any reason to believe my cervix would be the problem so she is doing it as a precautionary thing as they could find no reason for my early labour. The outcome of that will then determine what treatment I may or may not need going forward. I was contracting and my cervix opened so she doesn't think cervical weakness is the problem but who knows?! I have read a lot about progesterone pessaries being given to women who have premature labours so I have asked her about whether that is an option for me and I am waiting to hear back. I was in labour for 24 hours before I realised (as who thinks they are having contractions at 23 weeks+2) so by the time I was admitted to hospital I was already 8cms dilated and they couldn't do anything to stop it.

I went back on the pill 3 weeks after I gave birth so I haven't had any periods but I will be coming off next month, and prior to pregnancy my periods were a 29 day cycle so I am hoping that they come back the same. I am not sure whether to do OPKs or just wait a while and see what happens. I never tracked first time round and I wonder if doing it this time will increase my stress and anxiety.

If they admit you would that be for bed rest? and to keep you in until you reach a certain point or go into labour?

[Seacrown]

I know exactly what you mean. It's hard to get a balance between looking forward and driving yourself crazy over everything. The first month we were ttc I was really absorbed with the sticks and temping, but it gave me an insight into what my body is doing, far more than I ever did when I got pregnant the first time. So I would recommend maybe a month to understand your body better, but if you already understand your cycle then I really wouldn't bother. If we aren't pregnant in a couple of months I think I'll stop but I'm currently off work it also gives me something to do!

Did you go back on the pill to regulate your cycle? Did it take long to come back? I was so panicked until my cycle came back, each month I seem to feel calmer, so hopefully won't be long until we get back pregnant again. I genuinely empathise with you. I had no idea, they thought I had a water infection and were maintaining that that was the problem as they were examining me, only to find I was 3cm dilated. No one can prepare you for that and I think it's wonderful that you are looking forwards😀

It won't be bed rest as far as I'm aware, it's just to monitor over the dangerous weeks 24-26 weeks, then it would be scans more regularly. The hospital have a special room for bereaved parents to use, so I'd be able to stay in there just to be kept an eye on I think.

[Itsalwayssunny]

I never did any of that first time round. I had/have horrendous periods so I have been on some sort of birth control for a long time and didn't have periods, but as soon as I came off my pill they came back within 4 weeks and were then regular every 29 days to the point you could set your watch by them, I could tell when I was ovulating. We took a very relaxed approach and I was pregnant 3 months after coming off my pill.

I went back on the pill as I wanted to stop my periods once the lochia finished as I didn't want to risk getting pregnant again straight away. DP and I both needed some time.

It sounds like your hospital are going to really look after you which is brilliant. I have found my aftercare shocking but hoping for some plans in place for when I am pregnant again I will find the care a bit better.

[Werksallhourz]

Hi ItsalwaysSunny,

I think we are in the same boat. I lost a baby girl at 23 weeks last July and also lost another girl at the same gestation six months prior in December 2014. I have an incompetent cervix that starts to fail at 16 weeks.

I too feel like I don't belong on the miscarriage threads because my losses were only seven days from viability.

We are ttc again and are on our third cycle. I've been temping and using opk strips, so have a fairly good handle on my cycle. I am very nervous though. I will be 40 in three months, and am starting to panic a little bit -- which, of course, does no good.

[Itsalwayssunny]

Hi Werks,

I am so sorry for your losses. Have the said they will give you a stitch this time around? My consultant mentioned it as an option if it turns out my cervix is the problem although she isn't convinced that it is. The stitch comes with it's own risks of course so that's something else to worry about.

I think when you suffer a loss like ours or late miscarriage/stillbirth ttc and any subsequent pregnancy will be full of panic and anxiety.

[Werksallhourz]

I had an ultrasound-indicated McDonalds cervical stitch last time. I had it at 17 weeks, and it failed at 22+6.

I will be having a high shirodkar/TVCIC at 12 weeks when I next get pregnant. I looked at having a TAC (a trans-abdominal stitch), but I have a large fibroid that is very near my internal os, so a TAC might be difficult to place.

If I were you, Sunny, I would insist on an early trans-vaginal scan at 8 weeks gestation to get a base length measure of your cervix. If she scans you at 16 weeks, and has never taken a cervical measurement prior to this, it might not be immediately clear whether your cervix is shortening or not.

Yes, there is research evidence to suggest progesterone helps to support pregnant women with cervical issues. I took pessaries from 17 weeks. In hindsight, I should have taken them as soon as they were suggested (it was something like 13 weeks). Next time round, my care plan is for weekly progesterone injections.

If you can, it is really worth talking to a regional specialist at a teaching hospital about your loss -- someone who specialises at late miscarriage or premature birth. What I found was that a lot of local consultants are so busy dealing with their case load, they aren't always up-to-date on some of the advances in more specialised obstetrics areas. I've also had registrars tell me things that aren't exactly accurate (such as the cervix not being "load-bearing" when there is evidence to suggest it is, to some extent).

Also ... prior to my first pregnancy, I had no idea that I could have a problem with my cervix.

[ChatEnOeuf]

Hi Sunny and all. I'm in a similar position - we have been TTC since our DS was stillborn at 36 weeks in May last year. I agree the miscarriage board isn't the place for me either. I've had miscarriages, and they were awful, but this is completely different.

It's been a fairly hellish road if I'm honest. I've previously conceived fairly quickly, but something isn't working this time. I'm off to the docs in the next few weeks to investigate a little further.

I have a theoretical plan with a local obstetric consultant should I ever get to that stage...it's hard not getting ahead of myself.

Congrats, Kitty, I hope this pregnancy goes smoothly.

[Werksallhourz]

chat I've previously conceived fairly quickly, but something isn't working this time. I'm off to the docs in the next few weeks to investigate a little further.

Do come back and let us know what the Dr says. I am finding ttc more difficult this time, which is odd because I have always conceived in my first cycle in the past (and it wasn't that long ago).

[Itsalwayssunny]

Werk, I have written to her recently to ask for an earlier scan of my cervix. At this stage we don't know if my cervix is the issue but I also was concerned that 16 weeks was a bit late to check for the first time. That's a really good idea re speaking to a specialist in a teaching hospital. Will definitely look into that. I live in Cornwall so I am quite limited in terms of maternity care. There is no facility down here for private care.

Chat, I am so sorry for you losses. As Werk said please do come back here and let us know how you get on. We can all hopefully support each other on this thread.

[Seacrown]

How are you all doing? Just checking in x

[Itsalwayssunny]

I am pretty peed off! I sent a letter to my consultant via email to her secretary over 3 weeks ago, the email was read by the secretary the same day I sent it but I never heard back anything so I phoned it up to chase. Turns out the secretary is off on longterm sick so my letter hasn't even been looked at even though someone has read it. I've now had to resend it but I was hoping for a response by now as I want to get some firm plans in place for when I am pregnant again.

I've come off my pill a month early as it was making me a crazy banshee but we are being careful until after the middle of March as if I got pregnant now I could risk the same due date and I definitely don't want that!

How are you getting on seacrown/everyone?

[ChatEnOeuf]

I've been on nights, so no news here. Booked a GP appt for Weds (hoping I can leave work on time to get there!), so hopefully will get at least some local support/early investigations in the diary.

Sorry to hear you're having to chase them around Sunny. Hope you'll hear back soon.

[Seacrown]

That's ridiculous sunny are you ok? How are your cycles? I'm sorry for your loss chat what is happening with the doctor? Are you having any investigations?
I'm doing ok! . 8dpo and feeling ok, quite positive this month, whether it happens or not. Do any of you lovelies chart? I'm liking the look of mine as my temps keep going up but don't know enough about them to know whether that's normal before the pre menstrual dip or not? All I know is last month, my first properly charting although had a short luteal phase, they only went up for three days then headed back down every day until my period came. Any help would be much appreciated!
Xx

[Itsalwayssunny]

Chat hope it goes ok on Wednesday have they said what investigations they will do?

I'm awaiting my first cycle before I can start tracking. Last time I didn't track at all but I bought a load of ovulation sticks of amazon for this time around. I have a short luteal phase too but I've no idea about temping, anyone else? Will keeping everything crossed for you Sea that this is your month x