Five and the Mystery of the Declining Fertility - the BESH engage the services of the Famous Five to track down their baybees and finish with lashings of ginger beer. Topping!

[ArielThePiraticalMermaid]

Morning everyone, just let me wolf down this amazing meal of tinned tongue, hardboiled eggs and ginger beer (don't you find food always tastes so much better outside?) and we'll toddle off on our latest adventure. We'll make sure Anne does the washing up (you'll make a proper little housewife and no doubt the fecund mother of four fine sons one day Anne ) and us boys can have the proper adventures! No, not you George - you're nearly as good as a boy but not quite. Leave the actual procreating to me and Dick. Woof woof! Shut up Timmy!

PS any newbies welcome. Just as long as you are in your thirties, slightly bitter and twisted about, have been TTC since Enid Blyton was writing, are allergic to babydust and use of the terms hun, hubby, BD and bubs :) Find the questionnaire which is lurking in the annals somewhere and fill it in. We will be ready to peruse accordingly (bugger it, who am I kidding, no one has ever failed apart from one person )

Where are you, hags?

Oh, this is jolly exciting! I wonder who failed, and why - darling Rie, be a brick and explain, would you? I'll just sit here sucking at a tin of condensed milk while you make yourself comfortable.

Jolly good! Sit by Timmy there would you. No Timmy, she's not a stranger. TIMMY - STOP BITING.

Well someone crashed the Palais who had 2 children already and was 27 and asked to join. You know the BESH criteria . Trouble is, we were going through some anguished soul searching at the time, because a lot of us had secondary fertility and people were saying they didn't feel welcome because they had one child already. Caused no end of hoo har. We soon sorted it out though with some hard boiled eggs and pork pie.

I say! What topping fun!

Timmy, get your nose out from under my skirt, unless your clue-sniffing abilities also extend to clues about broken wombles.

That's not condensed milk, draf...

I propose three cheers for aries for such a super thread.

Hurrah, for a super, super thread.

He's mine. Give him back. Timmy is MY DOG.

It shows how utterly, utterly menkul today I am that when I first read that I got a bit upset at you trying to take an imaginary dog away from me. FFS.

Super fun boys!

Mother's packed me some fizzy pop and some tomato sandwiches (wrapped in brown paper). I've put them in my bicycle basket, ready for some ripping adventure.

I think there's a disused railway tunnel/abandoned row boat down the hill...

DOWN TIMMY!

(I never read famous five, but did like Swallows and Amazons. So will be channeling super lake district, sailing fun, together with inappropriate jokes about swallowing.)

Oh how spiffing!

Er, someone needs to stop Timmy from humping the postman's leg.

Uncle Quentin gave me half a crown for being a good girl wibble. Ices all round!

SpiffingSinky (can I call you that?), I think that Swallows and Amazons and Famous Five sentiments are much of a muchness, even if S and A pre-dated FF a bit. Anyway, there is the same obsession with focus on Adventure, Independence, Picnics and Lashings of Gin lemonade and tinned tongue.

Timmy, leave the nice postman alone.

Gosh, thanks Uncle Quentin. Fancy taking out time from all the Important Science to give us a half crown. Do we think Uncle Quentin could be persuaded to devote his super mind on fertility research?

Now about that disused railway tunnel which needed exploring...

Ooh, I like spiffingsinky. But it does sound a bit like spaffing, and I know how dirty minded you lot are. and I would need to ask Ries permission before changing

I must say chaps, it's been splendid fun today .

Splendid indeed, just the weather for a picnic, isn't it?

at menkulling over ariel's imaginary dog ownership.

Having very George hair after wearing a head (whilst traipsing about at the train station in the countryside).

Must read rest of last fred. But good job, arie. Excellent work. Oh and fanks uncle Q!

I always wanted to be in an Enid Blyton novel. Usually Mallory Towers though.

We had a Malory Towers thread once. It was spiffing. My name was Clarissa Twat-Smythe.

Ooo, I liked Mallory Towers. Was that the one with the swimming hole at the bottom of a cliff and Kathleen with greasy hair that no-one liked? I still dislike the name Kathleen because of that.

Wasn't Kathleen in St Clare's? The one with the greasy-haired brother. And their mother was matron. Or was that Eileen?

Ooooh jolly good show Rie. Fabulous thread.

The Malory Towers thread was what inspired me to ask to join the hallowed BESH.

So hags I have TWO fertilised eggs. Am praying that they continue developing so that we can have transfer on Thursday.

GET DOWN TIMMY!!!

Golly rie you mustn't disturb Uncle Quentin, he's jolly clever but can't stand the noise we children make. Let's go shrimping in the rock pools around Kirrin Bay. Silly little Anne can't come though, she fell in last year and made every such a fuss.

I must say, in my younger days I thought it would be rather grand to attend an Enid Blyton style boarding school. But then I remembered that school was ghastly and living there would be just beastly.

In between adventures and cream teas today, I checked with another ov stick; I have definitely missed my chance this month :(

No no no, you're all wrong. Kathleen with the horrid greasy hair and spots was at Whyteleafe with the Naughtiest Girl In The School, Elizabeth Allen. She was miraculously cured of her spots when she took up horse riding and gardening. Malory Towers did have the lido though.

Jolly good show, jeff, old thing! Let me clap you on the shoulder in friendly congratulation! Have you asked Cook to make you a picnic for Thursday?

Oh Jeffers how utterly splendid