green there are no other words I can say that can express what you are feeling, it is utterly shit! I'm so sorry you are going through more heartache. Its so unfair. I will say I am here, I have some understanding of what you are going through, we lost beanbag three months after Ophelia. It just seams like the world has you marked out for utter crap, can't life give you a break. Put that painted smiley face on for your boy and cry and rant on here if it helps. I so wished that this wouldn't happen to anyone else on this thread, I thought I had used up all our bad luck, so you would all get your rainbow babies. Be gentle with yourself, you can get through this it is utter crap but you are made of strong stuff. Much love.
Thanks everyone, DP is doing the school run, which is crap because I promised DS I would be there as school have baked him cake and he gets to wear the 'birthday hat' today.... I need to get downstairs before they get back, so I can be there as he opens his presents. DP is in London from tommorow, I hope it's not going to be too bad or messy, life can't just stop until I can cope again. I need to stop crocheting bloody blankets when I don't have a baby. It's not healthy. I would donate them, but I can't bring myself to part with them. I'll stash them in Merryns cupboard along with her things until I work it out. I'm going to eat pâté and Brie and drink some bloody good wine, and have a bath when DSs are in bed. By the end of the week I will stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with things. Sorry for being a misery. Xxx
FAN, I thought of you in the scan room. I know you have been here, and I thought how strong you must be to keep going. I don't know if I am as strong as you. I don't know why I keep thinking how unfair it is, I know life isn't fair and I don't expect 'fairness'. I have more than my share of happiness with my boys and my life how it is anyway, so I'm being greedy, I shouldn't feel and don't feel bitter, I just want a baby. This has really hit me with how much I miss Merryn. The nurse at the beginning asked me about previous pregnancies, and I ran through them, stumbling a bit over Merryn. She just asked for details, and didnt even acknowledge that I was telling her that my daughter had died six months ago. It was very odd. I'm glad DP wasn't with me for that bit, he'd of challenged her, but I didn't have the energy.
green, lovie, on anyone's scale of 'fairness' this is deeply, deeply unfair. it's not about what you've got. It's about what you've lost.
I'm really sorry you had a nurse who couldn't even acknowledge Merryn. We, here, all know that this loss will make the loss of Merryn hurt even more.
PLEASE don't worry about what you ought to be doing next, or about 'being a misery'. Do what you have to, and if we can help by listening, we'll be here.
I too had a scan at EPU today (obv I am not pregnant, it was another follow-up ager my op), I am just home, I was thinking of you so much. And, yes, I was thinking of fan, too... you ladies have had the very rawest of raw deals.
You will get through this afternoon, I know. Time passes, with or without our permission... the day will end. I'm so sorry there's no one there who can help. I'm so devastated for you.
Green no words will ever be enough......sorry just seems inadequate because its so so unfair that this has happened to you. Oh god the tears ran down my face when I read your post and my heart just sank.....I'm absolutely gutted for you. Thinking of you tonight, I know you will get through this for your beautiful boys xxxxxx
Oh no green, that is utter shit! I am so, so sorry you are having to deal with this, epsecially on your ds's birthday. I have no words that will make you feel better, but I am thinking about you and sending you huge hugs. x
green you are not being greedy at all. It doesnt matter at what stage in your family you go through this, this is still utter crap. Just because you have two boys does not make it different for you, you know the love that a child gives and receives so for you it is all too bitter sweet. This thread, we do not judge, we just support. You will get through this, your babies will never be forgotten, I just want to hug you. I shed alot of tears for you this afternoon, it brought it all back for me a bit, and also one of our friends is going through what looks like her 5 miscarriage. Life is shit, but we have to live it I guess. Im sorry if this come across as angry, Im just angry at how unfair it all is sometimes. I hope you can find some peace tonight. My candle is lit now early for the loss of your little bean.
Sending love to you all, most especially green tonight.
Our lovely new neighbour, who I only met yesterday, just came round with a bottle of wine and to say how again how very sorry she was that E had died. I ought to have been welcoming her to the neighbourhood, and instead, she is somehow welcoming me... She has restored my faith in people's kindness. Tonight of all nights I am so moved by this. So, my candle is a little late being lit, but will be blazing in just a minute xxx
Cwtched up under my (slightly soggy) woolly hug, candles lit, thinking of Erin and all our darling children who should be in our arms not just in our hearts. I'm so glad we all found each other here (cheesy, sorry ) xxxx
Love and hugs especially to green and Miasmummy today. Life is spectacularly unfair xxxxx
Green shit, shit, shit so sorry sweetheart. Give your boys a big hug & loving thoughts for you all & Merryn.... I remember how awful it is in the ultrasound room waiting to be told theres a problem , just awful.... Xxxxxxx take care chick xxxxx grieve , you're strong ; you ll make it xxxxx
green, oh lovely lady, I am so sad and angry for you... <hugs>
everyone All the love being sent our way today has been so appreciated. It was hard, but about what I expected... what I didn't expect was that I felt weirdly happy having a whole room of people concentrating on my beautiful daughter, talking about Mia, saying her name. (Not sure I could share this thought anywhere else.) I could almost feel her sitting on my lap, as I stared at her lovely photo when it was becoming too fraught.
The inquest was on both local tv stations tonight, and I'm guessing that it will be on as part of the 10pm news too. So glad we chose such lovely photos of Mia.
My candles for Mia and all our children are now lit too. Beautiful babies, and lovely friends made through shared sadness, and so much love.
Kleine glad you re scan was ok? Xxx Fan lovely thread xxxx didn t get chance to light a candle but all my thoughts with our dearly loved angels xxxxxx
Had a crap day , work ; shit then Ant picked up a letter from nursery they re increasing Pheb's fees up by £67 a month ; nightmare when we re already struggling .... Pissed off for Green , me & all the crap ... Will ensure I get up in a better mood xxxxx