Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

(993 Posts)
RainboxFX Thu 11-Oct-12 09:22:12

A shiny new thread in memory of our angels. To bring us all BFPs, sticky beans and healthy happy Rainbows.

Hi lovely ladies, so sorry I've been absent. Found Christmas surprisingly hard this year. I think because I felt like I should be so much happier than I was - last year we just gave ourselves permission to be melancholy. I don't know. Tricky tricky. Please know I've been thinking of you all. Sorry to those who've had to deal with shitty, insensitive friends and family hmm

Green quiet congratulations to you. I'm extremely happy for you but know how anxious you must be feeling. Here to hold your hand xx

Fan so sorry AF got you again and with such bad timing (not there's ever a good time!) Hope you are feeling better. I have a little something for you from Knotty that she left with me at Holly's christening. Coffee soon? xx

Blizy sorry RL being tough on you. The Fb group is totally private if you need to get something down? xx

Elly I will be lighting a candle for you and darling Nancy tomorrow. What time was she born? I don't blame you for thinking about cancelling the party. I regretting surrounding myself with people on Erin's birthday I just wanted to fall apart but didn't feel I could.

Mias and Blue how are scrummy Finn and Lotta?

My best friend has just told me she's very early pg and is due on Holly's birthday! But my first thought was oh god please don't be 10 days overdue and be born on Erin's birthday. Very selfish I know as I'm totally thrilled for her. I'm struggling at the moment with my looming (9 weeks) back to work date. I just don't know how I'm going to leave H. I've done it before with K but somehow this time I'm feeling horrendous about it hmm

Sorry not to name check everyone - am on phone and can't scroll back.

Lots of love to all xx

notsoold Fri 28-Dec-12 22:58:14

Hi all...I wish you all everything that is good and peaceful in 2013. I remembered and prayed for all of us with empty arms....

It is very difficult at the moment. Dh had a norovirus and a cold virus therefore no change of even hoping for a bfp. I wish for one not to replace my little one, but to give this love that is bursting for a baby...sorry to rant sad
It is harder as my cycles are long 33 days so.... I will go back to lurk and lick my wounds.
Love to all of you everyone...
Xxx

KleinePoppet Sat 29-Dec-12 08:51:02

For the very lovely elly and your DH - happy birthday to your darling, beautiful Constance... I wish, more than I can tell you (but, of course, I don't need to explain that) that she was here with you, all over-excited and rubbing cake into her gorgeous little cheeks. It's so horribly sad and just so difficult. I will be thinking of you all day. I hope your DH feels better, but also that you have managed to decide how the two of you would rather spend today. So, so much love xxx

I will try to come back later and read properly, but from skim-reading it seems like hugs for blizy are very necessary... so sorry you're having such a rough time, my love. xx

elly happy birthday to Nancy. I hope today is as gentle as it can be. Will light a candle here tonight for her.

green quiet congrats from here to, here to hold your hand through out.

blizy bloddy hell 50 days! I'm hoping the doc's can give you some answers.

wtw wow a little something from knotty? Coffee? Of course, send me a pm for when your free.

Waves to everyone else.

Elly a very happy first angel birthday to your darling Nancy! Much love x

Think Lotta is coming to the end of a growth spurt, she slept from 1am to 7am last night without a proper feed, so my boobs are killing me wink
She's making up for it now!

Thinking of you all lots, having my sister and BIL and godson over so very busy!

RainboxFX Sat 29-Dec-12 11:13:36

Happy birthday Nancy, loved and missed. Thinking of you today especially Elly. Hope your DH is feeling better and the day is not too hard on you. Much love.

I have now had a midwife appointment and a flu jab and still don't feel "pregnant". Stupid, because I dont know what else would cause the sore boobs, nausea and peeing! 8+3 today.

Have friends around today so just snuck on for a quick one! Haven't caught up properly, thinking about us all xxx

blizy Sat 29-Dec-12 12:28:10

Happy first birthday to the beautiful Nancy x. Elly I hope you are able to,get through the day ok, I'm thinking of you. X

Fan, I just counted up, I am on cd70 shock!!

blizy fuck! Really. When you seeing the doc?

blizy Sat 29-Dec-12 15:02:28

Seeing the dr on Monday fan. I'm hoping its just the ad's messing me up because I know it's easily fixable if that's the case. I am defo not pg, I have done at least 10 tests and had an HCG blood test. I'm quite blasé about it which is very surprising!

blizy I think its normal to be blase about it, its been too long without Z and a BFP. I'm sure its like of course this is going to happen.

AngelGeorgie Sat 29-Dec-12 19:04:38

Blizy hope u get some answers soon.. Xxx
Hi Fan xx
Blue those damned growth spurts!!! confused Think Phebs had them constantly!!! Love to you re girls. Xx
Kleine hope u re ok? You ll never beat my MIL for insensitivity , as well documented on here!!! Ignore them ; they re not worth bothering about . I ve discovered lots of people are insensitive & selfish however, if people are like that I don t really want them in my life anyhow!!! Xxx
Green hope u re ok? Did you re boys enjoy Xmas? Xxx
Wtw you ll ve fine to return to work & you ve still got 9 weeks left to enjoy... grin I felt the same at 1 point with Phebs but there's no choice is there? She & I survived ( as you did with K) & I found some ( depending on whom I working with!!!) adult conversation is good!!! Xx
Spilt hi xxx
Rainbox 8 weeks already wow? Probably feels like a life time to u though!!! Xx
Hi all; hope all are surviving? We had a lovely Xmas at mum & dads got back yesterday ... Was just about ready for the break everyone just starting to grate on each others nerves a little... They re up at ours tomorrow for new year & having Phebs on New Year's Eve as nursery closed... Phebs been adorable but a little diva at times. Had loads of presents so gave some away to a local hospital as my good deed!!
Hope we re all finding some peace & making it through.
A special wish for Elly & Nancy ; happy birthday darling xxxx

Babyh200 Sat 29-Dec-12 23:52:13

Evening all,

Elly: Happy Birthday to your beautiful Nancy.....thinking of you xxxxx

Blizy: So sorry about your cycle. Hopefully the docs will help on Monday x

Fan: Sorry that Nasty AF got you xx

Whatever: Thinking of you with your mat leave coming to an end. Totally understand you dont want her baby to share Erins birthday xxx

Kliene: Your Mils comments are up there on the 'shit list of comments' big hugs xxx

Blue: Lotta sounds like she is coming on wonderful. What does she weigh now? xx

Notso: Thinking of you and hoping that those arms of yours will be holding a little one in 2013 xxx

Angel: Your so kind thinking of the kids at the local hospital xxxxx

Split: Hi xxxx

Love to all

Babyh200 Sun 30-Dec-12 00:08:10

Whatever: Sorry, what I meant to say was I understand about you not wanting your FRIENDS baby to share her birthday with Erins. Im typing quick and not checking my posts in case they disappear into mumsnet cyberspace x

Rainbox: Sorry the days are dragging chick.......hope they fly faster for you come the new year xxx

And here........well we went to a family gathering tonight on my DH's side. Instead of having insensitive comments we have the opposite problem.............basically nobody has even asked how we are or acknowledged our beautiful boy over Christmas...... apart from 1 or 2....eg our parents. Everybody just acts like it never happened and it infuriates me it really does sad

At least I know you lovely ladies understand xxx

Night all xxx

while Ive got five minutes free I just wanted to to say

Happy New Year to you all, I wish and hope that the coming year is gentle on us all, that it brings BFP's for all us waiting, uneventful pregnancies and healthy babies for all us carrying, and lots of cuddles and joy watching our rainbows grow for all us lucky ones.
May we remember our darling angels, time may pass but our love will never change for them.
I hope you all have a good new year whatever you are doing, may it be partying the night away, sleeping early or watching the end of year programmes on telly.
I will be thinking of you all and sending this wish up into the night sky.

love to all of you.

blizy Mon 31-Dec-12 14:30:10

Oh fan that was beautiful (sob). I echo everything you said.

Elly, how are you?

I had the dr today, my bloods were fine, dh sperm is fine and they have referred us to the fertility clinic for further investigation. First step will be an HSG, has anyone experienced this? I am petrified at the thought of it.

I am having a very quiet night, just heading to bed as normal although dh is going to a party. I can't face another year Zoe will not be part of. I will no longer be able to say she died last year, it will be 2 years ago. Where has he one gone?

Anyway, I want to wish you all a peaceful night and a new year that makes our wishes come true. X

KleinePoppet Mon 31-Dec-12 15:49:18

Hi everybody - I am pretty much stuck on the sofa with a feverish virus/bug thing, which means no more decorating today (we've been painting), but I do at least have time to come online and say hello to you all. Poor DH is convinced I have some terrible illness. He finds himself almost paralysed by fear these days if I so much as stub a toe... I feel so very sorry for him. Of course he's worried, though; after what we've been through, how could he not be?

elly, still thinking of you so much. I know that today marks one year since Nancy's death, and that you must be having a tremendously difficult time of it. I hope that you, Dh and the growing bump can curl up by yourselves somewhere, or allow yourselves to be taken care of by family or friends, and that you'll just get through it. Loads of love xx

fan such lovely words. I wish so very much that this next year will be the year of your rainbow baby.

blizy sorry, again, that you're having a rough time in RL (I wanted to echo wtw's words and say, there's always the FB group if you need it...). But I'm really glad to hear that the blood tests were fine and that DH's results were fine too - that's VERY good news - and that you'll be referred for investigations now. I've had an HSG, yes. Mine wasn't painful at all, actually, and they got a really good look at my tubes etc. They can of course hurt more than mine did - you'll be advised to take painkillers in advance - but, if they are, the pain will be over quickly. They're undignified, of course, but then there isn't much about the medical side of baby-making that's dignified, is there! I very much understand that you're terrified; I was too. Honestly, though, mine really wasn't bad at all. I was given antibiotics afterwards, just to ward off the chance of an infection, and I rested a bit for the rest of the day, but I was fine.
Will you be having an ultrasound at any stage, too? Have they said what other tests they're thinking of doing?

wtw huge hugs to you, Christmas is over now but another new year to deal with. So sorry it was so rough. Also, I totally understand your feelings about your friend's baby possibly arriving on Erin's birthday... I have a friend due very close to E's birthday in June, and am convinced that baby will arrive either then or on the day she died. There's nothing we can do, is there - another way to remind us of how different this is: if our babies were alive, it would be exciting for them to share a birthday, wouldn't it? (In fact, the daughter of some very close friends of ours does actually share E's birthday - she was born the year before. She's lovely, but it's always going to be a source of sadness for us that her celebrations each year won't be mirrored in our house.)
I can well imagine that it feels almost impossible to imagine leaving Holly. I've never had to do it, obviously, but I really feel for you. I can't say that I have any advice, but - just thinking of you xxx Did you say Holly would be at your mum's for some of the time? Or is she going to nursery?

babyh, oh, I LOATHE it when people go down the 'nothing has happened' route and don't even mention our children. Just one little sentence, one little word that acknowledges them would make all the difference, wouldn't it? So sorry that your DH's family haven't been able to mention A. It must be so tough for you. It just makes you feel as if you're an alien in the room who no one understands, doesn't it? I haven't seen most of my extended family or DH's since E died, as we're not at all close, but I know that almost all of them will be the same and act as if everything's ok (most of them haven't even contacted us since her death, which is a bit of a giveaway!). I know it will make me so cross... Sending much love and empathy your way xxxx

I'm feeling a bit rubbish now, so I'm going to stop - sorry - but lots of waves to rainbox, spilt, notsoold, angel, blue, mias, green and absolutely EVERYONE else. Hoping that your evening passes gently tonight, your new year begins with hope as well as sadness, and that you are able to smile as well as cry when thinking of your beautiful children. With all my love xxxx

AngelGeorgie Mon 31-Dec-12 17:19:19

Just a quick note to thank you all for your never ending support & to wish all a happy & peaceful new year.let 2013 bring us all peace, happiness or what we desire.
Just finished work , trying to work up the energy to go to the pub before having a quiet night in with my folks, Ant & Phebs..gringringrin
Happy new year all grinsmilegrinsmilegrinsmile

Happy New Year to all you lovely ladies on here. I'm not sure I would have gotten through this year without you all. Thank you for all the amazing support you gave me through my pregnancy with Holly and beyond.

Beautiful words from Fan and I couldn't agree more.

My candle is lit for Erin and all our angels. Lit in 2012 and will remain lit until 2013 - carrying them in to the new year.

Lots of love, thinking of you all. Especially Elly and Nancy today xxxx

Happy New Year my lovely friends! X

greengoose Mon 31-Dec-12 23:28:05

Happy new year lovely ladies, I'm off to bed, pretending it's just another day here! Thank you for your friendship and support, for letting me get to know you and your amazing children, and thankyou for 'knowing' my little girl, it has meant so much to me and has got me through. You are wonderful! Xx

Babyh200 Mon 31-Dec-12 23:35:58

Just to wish all you lovely ladies peace and happiness in 2013 and although 2012 has been devastating for us here in the Babyh household, it has also marked happier times for others on this terrible road we have all found ourselves on. I wish that 2013 brings lots more rainbows and ALOT less heartache for us all. I am blowing lots of kisses up to heaven for 'A' and all our angels xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx and ELLY an extra hug is coming your way for Nancy tonight.

Thank you all soooooooooooooo much for being there xxxx

notsoold Tue 01-Jan-13 01:28:51

Sorry if I don't name check...but happy new year to everyone of you.thank you for letting me open up about all the difficult things and the loss of our little one.
Thank you for understanding and listening when my days were so dark and I could not breathe.
Thinking of you all tonight, of the little angels and praying for little rainbows

Beautiful friends, lovely angels and miracle rainbows here and yet-to-be... You are all in my thoughts tonight. Wishing everyone gentle happiness and peace, and much love - we all deserve these things.

KleinePoppet Tue 01-Jan-13 19:30:31

Hi all - wishing you every blessing for 2013. And, hurrah, we all made it through the 'festive' season...
I hope everyone's year has started off better than mine, I've had a very sad day today, missing my girl - I think feeling a bit poorly has just made me feel sadder, too. And to top it off, AF arrived this morning (Happy New Year to me hmm). I'd like to say it can only get better, but, perhaps I'll just say it probably won't get too much worse?! wink

greengoose Tue 01-Jan-13 19:57:58

KLEINE, you poor thing! AF is a cow. I'm sorry you are feeling low and of course missing E. it's just so very hard, and some days more so. I do wish you a 'happier' new year, and hope hope hope that things become more possitive very soon.

I have spent today trying to convince myself there is no real reason to think I will MC this pregnancy, but I just can't stop panicking. I too have missed my girl very painfully today, I think the idea of going into a new year without her isnt helping.
I just don't know if I can do this again if I MC again, I feel rung out by it. I have no morning sickness at all, just slightly bigger and slightly achy boobs. I am 5+2 today, so maybe it's still a bit soon, I don't know. I hate this constant feeling of panic, I associate pregnancy with MCing now, not with having a baby. I need to be braver and more confident, but I don't know how. I think I'm driving Dp mad!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now