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LITTLE9 what great news! I'm so pleased for you, while knowing a bit of how scared you feel.... I also have a due date within 3 days of Merryns due date, which I'm only just realising means everything is the 'same' as it was last year, not easy!
Mia'sMummy, I will be thinking about you and your family this week, and sending you strength and love to get each other through. I wish we all lived in your town at times like this, we could cook and comfort and try to help. As it is, if there is anything more helpful than our love and a virtual lasagne, please ask. Xxxx
KLEINE, just want to give you a hug. I know it's different for everyone, but since Merryn I've charted fanatically, and only one month was 'normal'. The others all were silly cycles, with short LP, I had given up OV testing on the one I got BFP in, as it was so far in I could have overlapped with pregnancy tests! (although if scan shows no HB this isn't the best example). Just stay hopeful love. Remember your body does make miracles, its done it before. Xxxx
I want to say hello to everyone, but have to get ready to drive to Js dyslexia reading tuition. Poor kid, having to do this on a Sunday morning, I wish he didn't need it. We are going to visit another school on Fri, and thinking about moving the boys. I don't want to, but Js not getting enough support. They have been amazing with us this year though, so it will take a lot to change. The boys go to an alternative school, Park School in Dartington, (if anyones interested Jacob is the one up a tree in the film on the front page of their website)! it's why we moved to Devon, so it'd be a big deal to change.
Thanks Green. It is difficult with dates, etc isn't it but I have decided that I am determined to remain positive and try not to worry. I can't change what is going to happen and last time I ignored the pleasure of being pregnant cos I was too busy worrying about miscarrying which happened anyway. If that makes sense? How long this will last is another thing, lol! Good luck for tomorrow, got everything crossed for you and sending you lots of positive vibes.
Fan - thanks for the suggestions. Luckily there was only one couple there who we knew but I haven't seen them since I left my last job 7 years ago. I think they will have known that I lost Daisy and they were kind enough not to say anything when they realised I wasn't drinking alcohol. I don't know them well enough for them to know I'm a p**shead normally, and I actually don't mind who knows this time. Everyone was so supportive last time so have told most of my friends already anyway.
My DH is very excited as he has won a ride on mower on ebay so we are having a daytrip out to Downham Market to collect it today. He's like a little child at Xmas, bless him.
Hi lovelies - have read back but can't scroll properly as am on phone so apologies for not name checking properly.
Great news blizy!!
green, oh I'm so sorry you had a bleed - I hope all is ok and you can see the heartbeat tomorrow xxx if its any consolation, I've had 2 bouts of spotting now & it is bloody scary, I hope all is ok for you xxx
kleine, sorry AF got you xxx
mias thinking of you & your family for tomorrow xxx
Hugs to all xxx
Went to a messages to heaven balloon release earlier which was lovely, and ive bought my candle for tomorrow - its called Angel which I thought was perfect.
Thank you so much everyone for your lovely thoughts and wishes. It really helps, knowing you are all out there, sending us much appreciated strength and love. Sorry I am not name-checking, just fully absorbed with the inquest at the moment.
I am feeling close to Mia at the moment, in this fight for the truth. Yet I am so scared, as MrMia has rightly pointed out that there may be upsetting PM photos shown tomorrow. I also know that I will be angry at things I hear, and want to stand up and scream. Also, we are furious at the hospital, who sent through a new, unseen document at Friday 5pm...
However, we have had a quiet weekend. We walked down through the fields to Mia's Wood with my parents yesterday, and all the debris has been cleared now. And after a nice lunch out, we took my parents to the Mia "cloud-kiss" tree which we planted with them in February. Its leaves are red-gold now. It was teeming down with rain, and then it hailed just as we reached the hilltop where her tree is planted, and I did think they were very dramatic ice kisses from our little girl!
Hi all, have had a really busy couple of days and I've just tried to read the thread but I can't really remember most of it, I'm so tired - sorry - and I will come back to it all properly soon.
MiaAlexandrasmummy I am just thinking that, this week, your MN name is even more apt that usual. You are Mia's Mummy - it sums you up in so many ways, and how wonderful is that. You are at the inquest as her Mummy and your DH is there as her Daddy, and her grandparents are there too - all for her. A very special girl's very special family, doing absolutely everything they can for her. I cannot imagine what this is like for you, but I already know you will do her proud, as you have done up to now and as you will continue to do so afterwards. I will be thinking of you and praying for you and hope that, somehow, the impossible happens and you are given the answers and information that you feel you need. With much love xx
green I am so sorry to hear about the bleed and will be waiting anxiously to hear tomorrow. I hope SO very much that all is well with the little bean xx
wtw I have just realised I never said, such wonderful news that all was well with the biopsy... so pleased for you.
blizy really great news. Bet DH had a big grin on his face when you heard that all was well! Men are such predictable creatures I think you said you planned just to keep on trying for a while without taking any investigations further, and I am SO hoping for a lovely BigFatPositive for you soon.
rainbox oh, the stress of it all - I'm so sorry about your teeth, your cycle, your ulcer (how much else is going to get thrown at you?! Good grief). What works as a de-stresser for you normally? I find that the things that used to help me relax, before E died, are still semi-helpful if I make myself do them (long walks, reading novels, playing card games, gardening, movies). They don't change anything but they do help me calm down a little bit. I know, I know, I'm teaching you to suck eggs - just wish I could help. Lots of love xx
babyh waves to you my lovely, how was your night out? Glad your CBFM arrived - hope you can start using it v soon (actually, I don't, I hope you don't need it at all and you completely wasted thirty-odd quid on it because you're pregnant!). Am starting using mine again now, yes.
Seriously, have no brain left. Huuuuuge apologies to everyone I've missed out.
AFM, well, feeling pretty terrible at the moment BUT good things are happening too - meeting other bereaved parents, managing to go to friends' for lunch today, friendly and kind new neighbour just moved in to replace the previous, weird ones. The usual rollercoaster. Sending love to you all xx
Kleine indeed very much a rollercoaster ... Glad you re out & about & enjoying your friend's lunches!!! Xxxx BabyH yeh for CBFM... Xxx never used 1 myself but know people rate them ... Xxxx Green wishing you well for tomorrow... Fx xxxx & glad you enjoyed your break xxx Special thoughts for Miasmum for tomorrow. Hope it's not all too painful & you get some resolution , if possible. Take care chicken xxxxx Hi all; can t believe how quick the weekend goes , it's unfair!!!! Been shopping for phebs's bday!!!! Can t believe she's 1 this week... where does time go? Especially when I think back to loosing Georgie how I never though I'd make it through the first hour home.... Work ;3 days then 2 days off loving these short weeks its the only way to go!!! We re moving 1 of our clinic's next week from our site we ve been at for 20 odd years to a new walk in centre in the town so mixed feelings really. My manager has gone off sick so it's down to me & my colleague to manage the clinical side of things & my other colleague to manage the move; nightmare!!!!! Love to all xxxx Miasmum another mention ; xxxxx
Just popping on to send love to miasmummy & family. We are thinking of you and sending you strength and love for these coming days. Don't worry about finding time to update us lot, just look after yourselves, we will be here when you are ready/need us. Love to you all and of course to gorgeous Mia xxx
Miasmummy- I holding you, Mr Mias and of course your precious Mia in my thoughts. I know it will be so hard to hear things at the inquest, but you are doing it For Mia, I am sure that alone will give you all the strength you need. I love the sound of her tree, so very apt for your red headed angel. X
Just wanted to wish mias a massive good luck this week. I really hope you get some answers to everythin, and hope you manage to stay strong. Your lovely red-headed Mia will be in my thoughts this week.
Ok, about to go to EPU. Scared stiff. Not sure I have the guts to start from scratch again if its gone wrong. It has to be ok this time. I'll have to explain about Merryn. Have just written down the name of her tumor so I don't get it wrong trying to spell it to nurse. ( I'm just as dyslexic as J). I'll know in 2 hrs. I hate this.
Well, we are home. No baby in space where it should be. Expect to MC soon, if not I will need ERPC. Fucking hell. I really don't know what to do. I have my five year old home in two hours, and it's his birthday today. I just can't do this.
Oh green. SHIT. I am so utterly sorry. So, so SO very sorry. This is .... oh, there are no words. I have no idea what else to say. Is there a friend who could help with the boys? I wish I was there. Keep posting if it helps. So much love Xxx
Thanks KLEINE, I guess I just need to get up and get on with it. I'm really angry. I know we are so lucky to have the boys, but I miss Merryn soooo much, and I just wanted this to work out. I've now lost four babies in a row. I don't think I am able to give up trying, although I know I should. This isn't fair on the boys, I should be making cake, ffs. I'm really not chuffed. I know RL friends would try to be great, but I just don't want to tell anyone. I'm almost ashamed that I keep trying, I don't think they understand the need to have a baby is something I almost can't stop. I was so hopeful.