I am having serious doubts about being able to give birth

I am actually terrfied

And its bloody months away yet.

To late now I know....since I want the baby and all.. but

OMG!!

sniff sniff as I sit feeling very sorry for myself

xx

of course you can do it.

You have to do it. The babycan;t stay in there forever !

you can do it, of course you can.
worst case scenario is you need help and the medical team will help you.

at the end of the day, all that matters is baby gets here safely, and you will be the most important person in making that happen. millions of women give birth the world over - you will too x

relax and enjoy your pregnancy xx

well, my dear, you don;t have a choice

whichever way the baby comes out , there will be some pain..

on a serious note, if you have a genuine fear of childbirth you must get some help with that, the sooner the better..

which bit scares you most?

would a doula help ?

do some reading up about birth ,something inspiring, ina may gaskin and sheila kitzinger are usually a good place to start

Oh don't be scared. It's the best thing in the whole world. I'm really looking forward to it this time.

And however you manage it, you'll get through it and it will soon enough just be a memory.

Try not to get too tense.

x

Nom, you sound like my MW!
That's what she said when I was feeling V sorry for myself about 4 hours into labour

OP, don't worry, we all have fears and it really is worth it. It's pain, but good pain, IYKWIM

As the others have said, you can do it and you will do it.

What are you scared of in particular? Or is it just everything?

girly - stop watching birthing programs - enjoy shopping for baby clothes and picking out buggies - put the birth bit out of your mind. It's going to happen, come what may, so stick it on your list of things that need not be worried over.

My DH would come home and find me in floods of tears watching the baby channel on sky - started off being understanding and supportive "of course u can do it, it'll be fine", but 3 weeks of it, he banned me from watching them!

As it happens nature helped me out by throwing me into prem labour and having no time to build up to a nervous breakdown, I just did it - and now 4 years on I am pregs again, so it can't be that bad......

I understand its normal to be scared, you dont know what to expect. You can get through it and you will.

Just try not to obsess about it and my advice get a tens machine, gives you something to focus on, fiddling with the buttons in the early stages and breathe long and deep into the gas and air, its fab! After 9 months of soberdom its good fun!

I was petrified but when it all came down to it I just got on with it, no other choice!

Have confidence in yourself and what your body can do, its an amazing achievment I think.

you can do it.and you will as its going to come out!what bit are you scared about the most?

my mantra was - if childbirth is that bad, why are there so many families with more than one child.....if it was so terrible mothers would stop at one - but we don't, so be strong, it hurts, but the second, and I mean the SECOND you meet your little one, the pain stops.......

i completely understand.

it IS frightening.

But believe me when I tell you that once it comes down to it you become calm, serene even.

Even though you might be screaming your head off at the time.

Im not sure really Cheesesarnie

Pain for a start which I understand can be managed. The though of it lasting days/hours is another issue. The prospect of looking like a complete idiot in from of lots of people.

I know im going to seriously stress myself out if im not careful but its always there at the back of my mind.

There must be ways to deal with it I guess, I just have to be more proactive and worry less I guess.

The support from everyone really helps though.

xx

there are things that you can do to help, breathing helped me tremendously, just look into what you can do to help and be positive.

what do you mean look like a complete idiot?
have you talked to your midwife about your concerns?is he/she helpful?

Honestly when the time comes you really wont care how you look, I couldnt get my head round that, have always been shy. Said to my mw cant I just pull my knickers to one side!!! But honestly the whole of manchster could have been with me cheering me on in the end I didnt care. Even got my baps out and dd latched on straight away in front of everyone was just caught up in the moment.

Its all worth it. Try not to worry about it, its gonna happen, you will get through it and youll feel very proud of yourself.

btw i think what youre feeling is completly normal-as someone else said you dont know what to expect so feel scared.

Being half naked for a start! I could be the worlds biggest prude. Just generally making a scene.

This is why It took me and dh so long to decide to have the baby, it held me back for a long time, then everyone else started having babies and we do want a family of our own so the decision was made I/we had to get on with it.

And now of course im freaking out. Its totally irrational I know but.....

its nice to know im not alone.

xx

Oh girlylala, don't get upset.
It is a scary time, but once you're in labour, everything will be fine, really.

Arm yourself with information re your choices, and write a birth plan, so you can be control as much as you can.
Do you have a birth partner?
Are you going to antenatal classes?
Do you have a midwife that you find easy to talk to?

Don't worry about looking like an idiot in labour - you will be surrounded by people who see labour every day, and their main concern will be for your welfare and the welfare of your baby.

You can do this - research all the things that are making you scared.

Knowledge is power.

some sort of hypnosis might help. You are taught relaxation techniques and given CDs to practice with - it's all very gentle and very relaxing.

honestly, by the time you get to nine months, you will be happy for anything to happen in order to get the baby out

and also you will have the benfit of wonderufl labour hormones, they can get you through it

in terms of dealing with how you feel ask yourself if you are the kind of person that likes to know about stuff, or the kind of person who prefers to just go with it. for me personally, i did not want to think about the birth bit at all until 7 months, and then read a lot and asked a lot. for other people. in either case, don't over think it.

a doula is a great idea

so are antenatal classes - our community midwives ran brilliant ones

take care of yourself

you don't HAVE to be half naked, there are ways to keep your dignity (long night shirts instead of a two piece pyjama set, hospital sheet over you for the most part, only whipped off when it's all coming to a 'head' ha!), BUT as others have said, when u get there u REALLY won't care!

Because we were caught on the hop, I was inappropriately dressed and completely unprepared - I had pj's on, so they had to whip the bottom half off and thus i couldn't pull anything down over myself even if I had wanted to - however due to premness and the fact it was twins, EVERYONE was in the delivery room and I ended up with one leg on a midwife, one on a doctor, squeezing DH's hand til the blood stopped and screaming my head off....but the second DT2 was out and being wheeled to special care - I had sheets thrown over me, tele switched on and the after birth hormonal high kicked in - I was literally on cloud nine!

i second the hypnotherapy.

i listen to my natal hypnotherapy CD every single night before bed.

hi expat, not long for you now is it?

he's due on friday.

not so much as a niggle here.

sweep on Sunday if his head decends any, which it hasn't so far, still sitting on the brim of my pelvis.

even if they can't sweep they'll ring the CLU and schedule my induction for 12 november.

i'm thinking i'll be here another fortnight.

I had friends who scared me half to death with their birth stories. In the end it probably did me a favour because it wasn't half as bad as I expected. My advice would be just go with the flow without too many perconceptions of how you will be or what you want to happen. My biggest fear was needing an episiotomy (apologies if spelt wrong!) I ended up having one and tbh I didn't even care and would do it again. You'll be fine.

have we helped girly?

girly - I was truly terrifed first time round, I am a real wuss. I went to parenting classes found out loads from books and felt really prepared by the time it happened.

And when it happened it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought, Okay it hurt, but bearably so, and you know that one or another it will be over.

By my second pregnancyI actually looked forward to the labour!

I would find a parenting class (NCT /hospital) and ask on here for some good pregnancy books.

Oh and learn breathing techniques - the thing that got me through both labours in control(ish)

plus at the end you have a lovely sprogg so it's not pointless pain! - The pain encourages your cervix to dilate (or something) so pain is good!

Hi Neeerly3,

Yes. You have helped a bit.

I will look into this hypnobirthing cd and a couple of books, but try not to overload myself with information I think.

I know it has to happen. At least I know what I get at the end of it will be worth it. Thats the moment I need to focus on.

xx

This is what helped me:

1. Curiosity to find out whether it was as bad as some people made out (in my opinion it wasn't at all).
2. Wanting my baby to have a serene as possible entrance into the world - I didn't want to be screaming like a banshee on his way out.
3. Knowing that the pain is shortlived (generally) and is your body doing what it is supposed to be doing (it is not an injury).
4. The stronger the contractions (and probably the more painful), the quicker your birth is likely to be because your body is pushing the baby out well.

To be honest, the days I gave birth to my babies were the best days of my life - I felt very proud of myself and so amazed that I had produced these beautiful, beautiful angels. I actually did look forward to giving birth the second time around because I knew how fantastic I felt after my first. Yes it does smart a bit, and it is a bit knackering, but so what. You'll be fine. You've probably done harder things (and far more painful).

Well I have had kindney stones lol.

I survived..just!!

xx

Well, there you go then. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I think the important thing to remember is that the pain comes and goes. It's not constant. You get breaks to recover yourself inbetween.

I found it hard to believe beforehand, but the images you have in your mind and the way you think about the pain really make a huge difference. I imagined I was on a train and every contraction was a tunnel I was speeding through on the way to my final destination. It really truly makes a difference to have some sort of image like that in your mind.

I was really terrified too - I think everyone is, especially with their first baby.

Just make sure you can speak up for yourself, or your OH can - there's no need to really suffer as pain relief is available.

I ended up having a section after being in labour for 3 days - had a wonderful birth experience and was truly best day of my life.

Just take it step at a time.....

Good luck!

I am really, really a coward. It would be hard to be as worried as I was with DS or to have looked up as much info on what could go wrong.

In the event the birth was long and undignified but fine, and I'm now preg with DC 2.

BIG helps were:

- knowing a lot about what would happen in labour
- TENS machine, really worked though I didn't want to try it at first
- breathing with DH and the midwife
- having iPod with songs and turning it up loud on headphones to get through contractions
- having a mobile epi when it got too much

Also, although it was really painful, I honestly can't quite remember it, it fades completely given the joy of having the baby. So please don't worry!

I think the best thing you can do is find a good ante natal class. Knowledge is power and the more you know the easier it is to make decisions.

Its also important to remember its just one day of your life. The real challenge is dealing with a child for the next 18 years.

If you plan to breastfeed then I suggest you find out as much as possible about breastfeeding.

re the looking like a half-nekkid loon.

Seriously, honestly & Truthfully, once you're in labour you'll be that excited about finally getting to meet your baby after Nine(10) long months that you WILL NOT CARE.

All you'll be focusing on is listening to your midwife and doing what your body is designed to do.. worrying about how you look will be the last thing on your mind.

For the time being, dont watch the baby programmes, find a good Antenatal class.. talk to your midwife..you'll be fine.

Firstly, I think it's normal to have a degree of apprehension about birth but if it's getting out of control, you need to deal with it.

By all means use hypnotherapy. I used a £15 cd from the NCT and feel that it really helped me.

Think about how you handle information before reading up on aspects of childbirth - some people might panic even more trying to take on board rafts of information - and choose your sources wisely. And not wanting to be too contentious, ^of course^ a healthy baby and healthy mother equals a good result but for many people decisions they make regarding birth maximise their chances of having a good experience too. Use your research to make choices that are right for you and give you that chance.

As a last point, I have never ever seen or heard any depiction of birth that remotely resembled my two experiences (which were great btw and I'm actually looking forward to doing it again - it is possible!). Most are all screaming, drama and 'push!'. It might be like that for some but it might start to freak you out. All I heard from friends and family were horror stories and I formed an unhealthy relationship with birth programmes on tv. If that's the case - stop watching and politely decline the gruesome anecdotes. Hearing someone else scream is a lot worse than screaming yourself, I think.

Firstly, I think it's normal to have a degree of apprehension about birth but if it's getting out of control, you need to deal with it.

By all means use hypnotherapy. I used a £15 cd from the NCT and feel that it really helped me.

Think about how you handle information before reading up on aspects of childbirth - some people might panic even more trying to take on board rafts of information - and choose your sources wisely. And not wanting to be too contentious, ^of course^ a healthy baby and healthy mother equals a good result but for many people decisions they make regarding birth maximise their chances of having a good experience too. Use your research to make choices that are right for you and give you that chance.

As a last point, I have never ever seen or heard any depiction of birth that remotely resembled my two experiences (which were great btw and I'm actually looking forward to doing it again - it is possible!). Most are all screaming, drama and 'push!'. It might be like that for some but it might start to freak you out. All I heard from friends and family were horror stories and I formed an unhealthy relationship with birth programmes on tv. If that's the case - stop watching and politely decline the gruesome anecdotes. Hearing someone else scream is a lot worse than screaming yourself, I think.

I am told kidney stones are much much much worse than labour.

You will be fine.

'I found it hard to believe beforehand, but the images you have in your mind and the way you think about the pain really make a huge difference. I imagined I was on a train and every contraction was a tunnel I was speeding through on the way to my final destination. It really truly makes a difference to have some sort of image like that in your mind.'

and that natal hypnotherapy CD helps so much with that.

it helps you imagine the birth and find a place where you can go in your mind during the birth.

for me, i loved doing Bikram yoga. i'm getting random contractions, and during them i pitcure myself doing certain powerful poses.

i rememember in my mind how it feels to assume these poses and how powerful they feel at the same time and how you hold hte pose, then stop.

i'm about to go do it in the bath after this show, i recommend it!

You will be fine, I was nervous, but when the contractions came adrenaline took over, too much to think about, getting ready, going to hospital or whatever. You will probably be the same. Have you considered a pool, although you're naked (don't know if you HAVE to be though), you're in your own space and it feels more private, although I don't think in the end you will care too much about that part of it. I didn't have loads of people around, just midwife.

I remember thinking and feeling the same way...honestly once the start of labour kicks in you'll be a womqn on a mission and it'll be fine
x
or you could try crossing your legs and hoping

Am due sunday and quite scared too, but did manage last time..

i don't buy the 'you'll be fine' line.

that's why i think, girly, IMO, you should find a good antenatal class and look into some techniques that can help you with your anxiety.

sorry, but i have problems with anxiety surrounding childbirth.

i didn't feel like a woman on a mission or 'fine' until i started taking steps to deal with my fears, not just bury my head in the sand and hope the primal instinct would take over when the time came.

for some of us, it isn't so natural, but there's help out there for those of us for whom it isn't.

EXPAT, had totally forgotten you were preggers!!! ooh, not long for you!!

OP - I'm scared too and this is my third. it's not the pain. it's the fear for me (in 2nd stage)

seing consultant in Jan, may see if I can have section

due on friday.

are you having hb?

I felt like that when it came to pushing my dd out, the pain! I was shocked and just decided I couldn't do it any more and started ignoring the midwife and tried to go to sleep lol! I can laugh about it now...

I think it is better to be prepared for the pain, but to have faith in your body's ability to get through it. I had a wee bit of g&a whilst I was in labour, but I didn't like it, so when it came to pushing it was bloody sore... but the real pain of dd coming out was relatively brief..

I went on to have a ds at home and it was lovely, I loved my 2nd labour so much I want to do it again, one day, and I much prefer labour to actually being pg.

i think that your experience is valid expat but i was genuinely worried before childbirth and armed with a decent amount of information I was very/totally surpised at how much my body took over.
I didn't do yoga or hypnosis or anything properly proactive like that but I did make sure that I had read as much as I could around the subject and tried to be as relaxed and non controlling as I could (I'm very used to bossily getting my own way in RL)
I was surprised by the amount of strength that I had that I didn't think I would and by how much I could be swayed by nature and a massive physical act the I wasn't in control off.

Therefore I think that it is valid to say you'll be fine becasue the majority of people are and it's also fair to say that your body will take over and you will be on a mission to deliver the baby

I'm sorry if it came across as flippant it wasn't intended to but it was meant to reassure the op

tell you what you could do - scroll down and read the whole funniest bit of childbirth thread (long) because that really will cheer you up about it

No, I'm not having a homebirth, dinny.

It's really not for me.

I think it's really important when someone expresses fear to let them know there is help out there and techniques she can learn and have to fall back on in case the body doesn't just 'take over'.

Of course, mostly everyone will be 'fine' in the end, but it can deeply lessen anxiety when you face teh fear, talk about it, get support (here, for example) and learn a few easy techniques that can really help your and your body.

The hypnobirthing CD, for example, helps you visualise the time of labour, and pushing out using your breath and diaphragm and letting the uterus do the work.

I found that a HUGE help after accidentally giving birth to DD2 with no pain relief and being utterly beyond panic with the pain.

I know I'm not alone in this, as many other MNer have shared similar experiences.

Just wish I'd have known that a £15 CD could make such a difference!

Agree with Expat.
I gave birt last week. was booked for cs. calmly, in little pain, got to got to 9cm, in one hour. was a bit frightened. but it was all very calm. when they lost trace and said i had to havg general anathetic, music to my ears. wanted someone to turn off lights and then wake up with baby. thats what i got. best birth experience ever.
we all feel differently. but if fear examined, supported, educated, that can only ever be a good thing.

Everyone copes differently I guess. I had my second baby last week so still reeling. What worked for me was actually not thinking about it too much. Imo in our culture we think too much and analyse things (and I am definitely guilty of this generally).

It will happen, either your body will take over as happened to me at this birth which was incredible or if it doesnt the doctors will, as happened to me for the first one. Sorry abit incoherent as getting no sleep constantly feeding a slightly prem baby.

respect kerala.
i am off for a lie down. tired. was up most of last night, with my 36+2 ds2.
how are you getting on ?

Feeling much more positive today she has had 3 feeds that have satisfied her so not needed to express! Trying not to use phrases like "turned the corner" in case am getting my hopes up but its getting better.

SHe was not too prem compared to some she got to 35 weeks. So is your ds feeding ok?

I'm not scared of the pain - I've had both mine with no pain relief (even gas - tried it with dd and it made me SO sick) - but I have an overwhelming fear of something going wrong

oh, and congrats to Oblomov and Kerala!

Expat - I wanted hb both times before but various reasons (dd was pre-term and had step B with ds) meant I couldn't

think I'd be too scared to have a hb now

I don't really feel comfortable planning to give birth at home, especially with DD1 around. She's 5 and gets pretty frightened if she sees one of us in pain.

In hospital, hopefully the MLU, I feel like I can focus solely on the birth and not have to worry about my other two children whilst I have this one.

I'm not the type to lay around leaving stuff undone, so I'm better off in hospital for at least a day afterwards otherwise I would literally be up on my feet immediately afterwards tidying up, washing up, looking after the laundry, etc.

This is going to sound flippant and it isn't meant to, but I felt like that at the beginning of my last pg, and I'm sure the reason the last month is so uncomfortable is that you stop thinking "agh I have to give birth" and start thinking "just get this baby out"

Hi everyone,

Thank you all very much for the support. Its helping a great deal.

There is lots of talk of hypno-birthing cds and some people suggested maybe getting some books. Are there any particular recommendations from you guys as to which ones you felt were the best?

xx

Total understand dinny. I have an irrational fear of tearing. my mum, my sil. evryone I have ever known all have third degree tears. I even lay in theatre last week, adn my only comment, was "don't let me tear".

I am not going to lie to you, it hurts. I wasn't that scared about the labour before I gave birth. I was in labour for 30 hours at the end of July, the hottest day of the year (32 degrees!). I was cut and had ventouse and forceps. I opted for an epidural after 22 hours as I was knackered and couldn't take it anymore. I under estimated how bad it would be. The epidural was a big relief, it took away most of the pain, could still feel some tightening, and it allowed me get some sleep to get ready for the pushing bit. My labour was prob a lot longer for it but I would do the same again.
Don't get hung up on it too much cos the more stressed you are the less likely you are to cope well with it. Just remember there is pain relief there if you want it, there are not medals for worlds bravest mum giving birth, Take it in your stride and do what you need to do to get through it and for you and bub to be ok.
Besides you forget about straight after cos you have a whole set of different shit to worry about when bub arrives. Colic, wind, crying, sore tits, no sleep- its all worth it though when little one gives you their first smile it melts your heart.

I have the worst pain threshold ever. I tried having an epidural and it didn't work for some reason (scar tissue in back). I was surprised on how much I could take.I did scream a lot, but I look back now and I am thinking of another already (baby 5 weeks old)! Obviously it hurts, but you will be able to manage it. I always thought people who told me that were speaking out their arse, but it was fine, honestly. It's hard to explain, but for me it was very painful, but not the same as the usual pain that you are thinking of. Once you get that babe in arms, nothing else matters (even the huge poo that I did in front of everyone), and it is pure ecstasy once the baby comes out as suddenly it just stops. The last bit wasn't painful for me at all (the pushing stage), it was just like the most uncomfortable poo you have ever taken - especially as the midwives keep on telling you to stop now and again so you don't tear - very good advice by the way. You must tell us your birth story once you get your little one as I would be interested to hear your take on it considering you were so scared. I was terrified and was hoping for some emergency so that I could have another c-section (my forst was by c-section) - how stupid/desperate is that ?!

First of all - if you are scared then I reckon that's a good sign!
Tis my belief that the mums-to-be who seem so sorted and together - the ones who tell you they're going to have a home water birth, listen to whale music etc are the ones who end up with every intervention from A to Z! Whereas the ones like you (and me!) who just think 'Oh bugger, it's going to hurt!' often end up amazing ourselves with how well we manage it! Obviously that's a generalisation, but I do think there's some truth that if you feel totally in control about it, then you're probably underestimating it.

Yes, giving birth hurts - a lot. But you will get through it. That baby will come out! I wouldnt say I have a particularly high pain threshold - but I gave birth to a big baby naturally.

Also - all the things you think you'll get anxious about - ie having no knickers on, possibly pooing etc will honestly be the least of your worries on the day.

i have the Natal Hypnotherapy one.

here

you can get ones for relaxation and postnatal, too.

thanks for the link, Expat, I have just ordered the CD

I was thinking of going to a hypnotherapist but decided not to as pretty expensive and it certainly didn't cure my fear of flying!

My pain threshold is also really low, yet I got to 10cms dilated with my midwife realising as I remained polite throughout - no shouting or shrieking or swearing...

Don't let TV labours put you off, you'll know what to do, and if you don't/can't cope, there's pain relief.

Am now on PG 2 and I would honestly I'd rather have two labours that the 9 months of pregnancy! In hindsight, they're like the flashbacks of a drunken night out, whereas the pains and indignities of pregnancy stay very much in my mind!!

Good luck hon x

You WILL be fine!!! Completely understand your fear, i felt exactly the same. But in the end, even tho i took loads of big tshirts and things in my labour bag, by the end of my labour i was totally starkers!!! Noone cares, they just want to get the baby out safely and keep you safe. I was so worried that i would go overdue and need to be induced, and i did!! However, even tho i'd heard horror stories about this, it wasn't nearly as bad as i expected. The gas and air worked a treat, i used it in conjuction with a tens machine (highly recommend them) and halfway thru it all opted for some morphine to help me regain control. The MW will be there to help you thru it and you'll be so chuffed afterwards. Good luck!!xx

Hi there girlylala0807,

Be reassured - it is absolutely normal to feel scared even terrified about the whole journey of birthing your baby. Yes - it is a normal part of life but it's also something that is completely new to you.

Completely agree with Humphrey Cushion ^'research all the things that are making you scared'^. Whether those 'things' are real or imagined, you still need to flush them out otherwise they could well creep up on you in labour, even if you manage to push them to oneside during your pregnancy.

I would add that after brainstorming all the things that you need to know and finding out the answers (whether from books, other people, internet...), it may be useful for you to ask yourself this one question - your deepest question...

*'What do I need to know to give birth?'*

So, for example, your deepest question may be 'How am I trusting my body now?' (as compared with 'How can I trust my body in labour? - why wait til labour to find out how you trust your body??!))

You might have lots of questions, but there is one deep, heartfelt question that only you can answer. Knowing what your personal question is is central to conscious birth preparation.

It needs to be a question that cannot be answered with a 'yes', 'no' or 'maybe not'; it needs to be a question which cannot be answered by looking in a book. The answer will come from inside you - after all this is where you will draw your resources from when you are in labour. Make the question in the present tense.

Once you have your question, ask it frequently and look at it from every angle and the answers will come from within you over time...

Sorry if that sounded a little waffly - let me know if you need more explanation.

This is actually part of the 'Birthing From Within' approach to Chiildbirth Preparation. I highly recommend it - I used BFW (as well as other tools) to prepare for my two births at home and I found the whole birth experience amazing (despite having to go into hospital with a retained placenta!)

I'm not sure if you're local to me but I'm running a Pain Coping Practices Workshop in Blackheath, London on Sat Nov 15 and 22 where we'll be exploring lots of pain coping practices.

For more info, you can go to my website www.birth-illuminessence.com or www.birthingfromwithin.com

Hang on in there!

Love n laughter
ChilledOutChic

HI ChilledOutChick,

Im north of the boarder im afraid but I will take a good look at your website.

I think I understand what you mean, I will make a list of things bothering me and kinda go from there I guess.

Thanks for the advice and I will let you know how it goes.

xx

Thanks for starting this thread girlylala0807. This is exactly how I feel but was too scared to say for fear of being scoffed at.
I am terrified at the thought of giving birth. I've been really lucky and have never had any medical interventions - so can't compare it to previous operations/broken leg etc.
I hate having blood taken so how on earth will I cope with labour?
I have read lots of stuff on MN about unsympathetic midwives and am terrified of being left on my own or with someone who is stressed and not bothered - I am due to give birth in a London hospital where my GP says they are short staffed (I guess that might change by the time I'm due to give birth in Feb). Yet given my low pain threshold don't think I could go for a home birth.
Most of all I am worried that I could damage my baby by being stressed and anxious and thus prolonging the birth; I can't bear the thought of that (sorry coming over all hormonal)
Please don't all condemn me as a wimp! I know it sounds pathetic but I am genuinely frightened.

Not being scared is the key to having a good labour (barring exceptional events obviously).

I read "Childbirth Without Fear" after having a long, helling labour with ds. I didn't realise how much the tension I was holding in my body (I remember 'bracing' for contractions) could amplify pain. Something that stayed with me was how I felt nothing at all during the two contractions I had as I was holding still for the epidural to go in - why not for a whole labour?

dd's subsequent labour was quick (1.5 hours) and painless, truly. I felt so relaxed yet strong, it was incredible. No screaming, no shouting... I remember laughing when I was offered g&a, it just made no sense at all to where I was at (it was still in intense experience, mind!). I only wish I had this awareness with ds.

You can do this, you were made for it exactly. Don't fight your body. Wishing you (all) peaceful births... x

To Girlylala,

If it was so terrible then we all would just have the one kid. Dont think about it mate and remember it will just be one day anyway, you cant stop it but you can get pain relief if you need it.
I have 3 kids and honestly the second one, well have had worse period pains. relax, you will be fine and about showing your bits to strangers, you really wont care. trust me ..
NEVER listen to anyones birth horror stories either, yours will be unique to you and some women just like to wind you up.
good luck....

I had my first baby in August this year. I was REALLY scared about giving birth. I found reading Ina May Gaskins Guide to Childbirth (think that's what it's called) incredibly helpful. Actually, I was given it free by another MNer, and feel rather guilty as I never thanked her when I received it. If you'd like me to send it on to you, I'd be happy to! Sharing the love and all that ;) My email is vickykc AT gmail.com

Seriously, I found that book really calmed and reassured me in the weeks leading up to my sons birth. I think when you are expecting your first baby what is so frightening is the unknown. You are told it will hurt, but you don't know how it will feel, what its actually like. I was so curious (and fat and tired and bored of being pregnant) by the end that half of me was really impatient and excited, and wanted to get on with it. The other half was still scared.

If I could go back in time and speak to my pre-birth self, I would emphasize the following: it really is just a few days out of your life at most, and for some woman its just a few hours. Then its over, and the fun really begins. In the larger scale of things - raising a child and all the wonderful things they do, and the way they change all the time... well, a day or so is nothing. Yes it hurts, but each birth is different, so one persons description may not help you. But the hard work is worth it, trust me

Hi cheerfulvicky,

I would love it if you could send me the book.

I have taken down your email address and will send you my details soon.

And thanks to everyone for the messages, they are all really helpful and supportive!!!

xxxs

Ohh, groovy! I'm glad someone else will be able to use it As soon as I get your email, I'll send it off to you.
Take care and stay chilled

hi girlylala,
im 39+3 with first baby, just to let you know im a really shy person and i used to be nervous like you about the birth. but at this stage i am so uncomfortable i just want my baby out now, i dont care about anything else!
hope everything goes well for you, relax and enjoy your pregnancy. x

You don't need to be half naked. I wore a long cotton skirt from my hippy days and kept my knickers on most of time. I had difficulty getting them off in time for the head to come out
After the birth you will really really not care about the half naked thing (i promise you).
Even if it does go really badly the labour itself will be a day or two of your life at most, and your child will hopefully give you joy for much more than this.
Oh - and try hypnotherapy, a CD or a real hyno person if you can.

Hello - I was so nervous about giving birth - had my first baby in July.

I spent a few days in the 'low dependancy room' on the labour ward before I had my baby as they were trying to stop my contractions (I had a hidden placental abruption, which meant they couldn't stop it and the baby came 8 weeks early in the end, but that's another story).
Anyway, my point is that being in that room meant I heard 5 or 6 women going through labour and giving birth through a very thin wall.
Surprisingly, it was great - so inspiring even though I never saw or met them! Hearing every one of them shouting "I can't do it!" and the midwife going "You can, you can", then later suddenly hearing the baby cry and the mum cry with joy and saying "Thank you so much" to everyone. Wonderful really. I can't describe it properly, the instant change in the mums once their babies arrived.

And that was despite all my worry of being there so unexpectedly early etc.

You'll get through it, it does hurt but the second it's over you forget / don't care, and you have the most wonderful thing ever, your own new baby!

I was really worried about having ds1 in september. I went to parenting claases (NCT and NHS!) so I knew what to expect and could make informed decisions. Used this knowledge to write birth plan, pack hospital bag and prepare for bubba. I felt more in control with the knowledge I gained.

In the end -

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
I got to 8cm at home with no pain relief ( I abandoned TENS machine as useless and couldn't get bath water deep enough to cover bits that hurt)
It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
DS was 2 weeks early.
Ended up with emergency cs, but what I'd learnt at ante-natal classes helped me know what to expect, so - it wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be!

And it is all worth it the moment they are born!

i was the same as you, scared stiff at having to give birth and for a stranger to see my fanjo! believe me when i walked into that delivery room my knickers were off before i even got to the bed and i didnt care who saw me! i just knew the baby was coming and i was the one to get him out. When you in labour you just want the baby to get here and you do everything in your power to get them out. your body kinda takes over and just does what it needs to do, almost like you cant control it but its not like your not in control if you know what i mean. its like there is a auto pilot button inbuilt in women for giving birth, a switch is flicked and your body just takes over. It is painful but literally 1/2 a second after you cant even remember the pain and you have this beautful little bubba in your arms! ahhh bloody hell i am all broody again now!!! Good luck, you can do it!!!!!! xxx