Bad Advice: Camping.

[TiggyD]

Spinning off from a thread where the OP wanted good advice on what her child should take camping, let's have some bad advice for everybody going camping this spring/summer!

The ideal camping food is pavlova. Always take a couple with you just in case.

The easiest way to dry clothes is to wear them. Your body heat will dry them out nicely.

The only implement, utensil or tool you will need is a spoon. Make sure it's a heavy one though, or you'll never hammer those pegs in.

Keep bottles of Lucozade in the tent for energy boosts, but so you don't have to keep going to the toilet block, wee in empty Lucozade bottles and keep them in the tent until you go home.

brussel sprouts and baked beans make lovely camping food, especially when taken with lager

Make sure that the first time you pitch your New tent there is a yellow weather warning for wind and rain.

However many days you are going for subtract 5 from this and take that many pairs of pants I didn't do this by mistake and have to wash them by hand in the sink

Only take juice or tea and coffee, no alcohol at any point.

No take-aways either, all food must be wholesome camping grub cooked on an open fire.

Take a table with chairs fixed to it, you don't need any comfy chairs

Go camping.

Going camping is a good idea.

Don't ever trouble yourself by finding out how to put a new, and slightly complicated tent up. Just chuck it in the car and wait until you get to the campsite. In fact, ideally take the tent in someone else's car which they piss off and park somewhere inaccessible. This is important because you won't be needing to take shelter while you make sense of erecting the tent in a thunderstorm.

Don't waste your money on expensive camping equipment - a tent and four sleeping bags for £20 from Tescos will be fine for camping in this country.

Ignore the man who said you needed a regulator for that lovely new camping stove. You know better. Apart from anything else, heating food and tea takes all the goodness out of it.

Save room by only taking one set of clothes per child

Best time of year is autumn or ideally winter.

And always take the dc when they are sick. Apparently it's quite exciting getting them to ooh dr while camping

dont waste your time with tent pegs, the weight of the stuff in the tent will hold it down.

Pitch your tent close to your neighbour so you can talk to each other without leaving the tent.

Dont take extra quilts, it wont be that cold.

When topping up your Trianga stove with meths don't worry that you can't actually see a flame to tell if it's actually still burning or not. It's probably gone out. Eyebrows are overrated anyway

You won't need wellies or waterproofs.

Flip flops are the only footwear you need. It's summer! Of course it'll be sunny...

Dont worry about getting a roof box for the car - just put all the gear in the car and then squeeze the DCs in afterwards, they really dont need to move at all on a 7hr road trip.

Feed everyone with very strong curry just before bedtime - followed by Syrup of Figs. Will ensure everyone gets a good night of uninterrupted sleep.

Coinciding your camping trip with the start of potty training makes excellent sense (was actually given this advice btw )

Don't waste time faffing about removing the DC's wet and muddy wellies before diving into the tent to escape the rain. How much mess can two small children actually make?

You can legally camp in any field. Farmers will welcome you and your dogs, who can play with the sheep.
Let your kids go off camping alone. The girls will do the cooking while the boys have adventures.

Camping in southern Europe in summer with standard British camping gear will be fine. Don't worry, you probably won't be too hot in your black tent and 20 tog sleeping bag.

Don't bother taking Imodium. Of course you will make it to the toilet block.

Oh and don't bother with real pillows or airbeds. Real campers only need a sleeping bag.

Sharing a field with sheep is fun. Bites from ticks just feel like a gentle tickle.