I didn't manage to successfully bf ds1 or dd (gave up at 3/4 weeks with both) but ths time, thanks to MN, ds2 is now 15 weeks and exclusively bf.
Dh was completely supportive whle I was struggling to get it established, never once mentioned formula, put up with the emotional mess I became afetr every weigh in (ds2 took 6 weeks to regain his birthweight), took over all the care for ds1 and dd while I fed, did all the housework, etc after he'd been at work all day while I did the evening cluster feeding and was generally a complete hero.
However, he's now finding it really hard because he can't do much for ds2. With ds1 and dd he did 50% or more of the caring when he was home, including the night wakings, nappy changes, bathtime, playing etc. He is a very, very, hands on dad and I'm really lucky in that respect. I think he's now getting very frustrated that he can't be as hands on with ds2 or develop the same bond as he did with the other 2.
He doesn't get in from work until 6pm, which is the usual witching hour. Ds2 is particularly grizzly at that time and often just wants a feed and bed. If I give him to dh for a cuddle he just cries and cries until I take him back and then he stops instantly. Understandably, dh is quite upset about this - last week he didn't see him smile once, until saturday morning .
Weekends are a bit easier but ds2 still seems to be very clingy to me and is a lot whingier when he's with dh. I don't know if this is to do with bf or whether that's just his temperament, no way of knowing that I guess.
Bathtime in the evening is out of the question because a) ds2 hates baths with a passion and b) he's usually too tired. He doesn't like having his nappy changed either, so poor dh feels as though everything he does upsets ds2.
He still hasn't mentioned formula, but I'm sure he's thinking it sometimes. I've started expressing at 10pm, and can usually manage 4-5oz, which dh then gives when ds2 next wakes. It depends a bit on ds2 though, sometimes he wakes earlier so I have to bf him and can't express and dh can't give a feed that night.
I don't want to give formula but I also don't want dh's relationship with ds2 to suffer. So, what do I do? I'm sure he's not the only dad to have felt like this, it's a whole new ball game to us though.
Any advice would be much appreciated!
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Infant feeding
Dh is really struggling with me breastfeeding, need some advice on how to help him.
38 replies
Olihan · 12/04/2007 14:46
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FioFio ·
12/04/2007 19:18
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