Breastfeeding makes me feel sad

[Sterny]

Ds and I had many many problems getting bfeeding going. He was 6 weeks premature and whisked off to intensive care after birth for three weeks. I then got agonising sore nipples and decided to give him ebm for a few days to let myself heal and ended up expressing and bottle feeding for 4 months, until I finally got exclusive bfeeding going. He is now 6 and a half months old.

The whole experience of breastfeeding for me is tied up with sadness. I feel like my body failed ds because I couldn't carry him to term. I never got to hold and breastfeed my newborn baby. I felt guilty for failing to breastfeed when we had problems and now I feel guilty because I want to stop. I have kept waiting for a lovely breastfeeding moment that so many people have talked about but it has never happened. I have talked about stopping bfeeding before but guilt about stopping has kept me going (even through five hideous bouts of mastitis). I am scared of stopping because I won't be able to start again.

What should I do?

[PrettyCandles]

Oh you dear poor love - I wish I could give you a RL {{{hug}}}.

What should you do? You should stop beating yourself up. You should reward yousrelf for the amazing things you have done. The only things you are responsible for here are the fantastic dedication and love you have given your son, for your determination to do thebest for him, and for your success in your achievment.

We're mums. We will always find somethi ng to feel bad about b eacause we always want to do the absolute best for our LOs. But we're human, not perfect, and there's always some litt;e thing that we think we could have done better. Something we have to learn to accept is that it's neither necessary nor desirable to be a perfect mum - what our children need is a good-enough mum.

[Vmama]

i really feel for you have been experiencing many of same emotions and my ds is only 3 wks

felt like a failure when i ended up having c section cos he was in wrong position after 36 hour labour and now cos am struggling with bfeeding and in pain. part of me wants t give up but then i really dont want to

you've inspired me and if i make 4 mnths id feel good so 6 is amazing especialy after what you've gone thru x

[gingerninja]

Stearny, I second everything PC says. Focus on your achievements. Believe me, expressing for 4 months is some achievement. You are a superstar for that dedication and should be proud of yourself. I guess you have to decide whether you want to stop or not but don't feel like you have failed because that simply isn't the case. As for his prematurity, there really is nothing you could do to prevent this. Babies come when they're ready even if it is early. He obviously wanted a dramatic entrance to this world and was keen to meet his wonderful mummy. Big hugs

Vmama, I was in agony for 6 weeks or there abouts, it does come together eventually providing you get some support. Have you got any bf councellors in your area that you can see?

[DaisyMOO]

Good grief, you expressed for four months then got breastfeeding going again My goodness that is an amazing acheivement and you should be incredibly proud of yourself for doing it. I couldn't have done it.

Maybe just take it one day at a time, but if you're really unhappy then stop! You have breastfed for far longer than most women and should be rightly proud of what you've done rather than guilty because of what you haven't.

Have you thought about phoning one of the breastfeeding helplines to chat things through?

[Sterny]

Aww thanks everyone. You've really cheered me up. Feeling a lot better about things today. Had a lovely chat with dh about things last night. I'm a bit of a perfectionist I think and I had envisaged a perfect birth etc which I didn't have and I felt so guilty, which is stupid really as there was nothing I could have done to make it better.

As for the breastfeeding...I think I will just take it one day at a time. Am going back to work part-time next week so hopefully that will help put my so-called problems back into perspective.

Thanks everyone, you're all lovely

[deaconblue]

6 months is a really good start for your ds. IMO whenever you give up you'll feel guilty. I did 6 months and was ready to finish but still felt awful after giving up coz it seemed selfish to want my body back again. Also he got his first cold the week after,s o more guilt. You should feel very proud and do what feels right for you and ds now.

[traceyn]

i too had terrible mastitis, never realised that you got flu symptoms with it and thought that i was just over tired looking after two little one's.

relax, and make sure that you leave a good Half hour to feed and stuff the housework for a while, we can't do it all !, once DS is latched on try watching a little telly or reading and make feeding time your time to relax and have a rest, hopefully it won't seem so bad,.

my mother-in-law used to send me up stairs to feed my first child abd i used to feel socially excluded, but with the seconf i though stuff her and stood my ground, if she embarrased it her problem.

[duvet]

Yeah try and relax dont stress about housework etc, just enjoy baby while you can. Sit down and look at him while you're bf before you know it they're all grown up. Like others say just take a day at a time, think to yourself I'll do it for another day and see how it goes.

[Pixiefish]

HEY- STOP.

You have done fabulously well. Had you managed one feed only you would have done tremendously well but no you have managed 6+ months. You must stop beating yourself up. If you feel that the time is right to stop then you must stop. A happy mummy is more important to your son than an unhappy breastfeeding one.

[moondog]

My God Sterny.
What an unbelievably heroic woman.
I stand in awe!!!!
You obviously fought like a lionness for your baby.
I salute you.

[mummytosteven]

agree with the others - look at how much you have achieved - the fact you have got to 6.5 months despite finding it so difficult (and expressing is very timeconsuming)is pretty damn heroic. .

[BarefootDancer]

Stop if you want to. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your child is fine, and you are fine too. I never really enjoyed bf, despite having no real difficulties with it. Everyone is different. Celebrate the things you do enjoy.

[snowleopard]

It sounds as if the birth and aftermath was a very traumatic time - perhaps the fears and stress you went through then start affecting you when you BF, as it can be a very emotional thing. A chat with a counsellor (a non-BF one I mean) about your DS's birth might also really help.

[Soapbox]

Sterny - what an amazing story - how incredibly tenacious you have been - you have not failed, you have succeeded against all the odds

Don't assume going back to work will be the end of breastfeeding for you both - a lot of people manage to keep it going long after the return to work. I worked 3 days a week when I was breastfeeding and amazingly my body seemed to manage to adjust to whether it was a work day or not in terms of producing enough milk.

Well done - you've done a great job so far

[Adorabelle]

You are a FAB mummy Sterny!

Well done for getting so far. I myself know how bloody hard it can be, my dd didn't feed well at all for the first 6 weeks & I know how awful trying to b.feed a reluctant baby can be.

If you want to continue b.feeding then it is possible & I salute you! When the time is right to completely wean you will know, till then keep up the good work

[Lavender123]

DD three weeks old, I have been prescribed donperidone as lack of milk supply. This seemed to work brilliant at the start of the week, last night and all day today very unsettled has fed on and off all day falling asleep the breast after about 15-20 mins i have then nursed her for a little before putting her down in her cot she stays asleep for about 10-15 mins then wakes very very tearfull. I am really really hell bent on breast feeding but starting to wonder if there is not enough milk supply ir that we have just simply hit a growth spurt any suggestions? I am also having difficulties in expressing using electric pump

[shonaspurtle]

Hi Lavender

You might be best starting a new thread on this to get the most responses

I think 3 weeks is a typical growth spurt time though. Don't worry about the expressing (except obviously it's annoying if you can't get anything out when you want to!). It's absolutely no indication of how much milk you have and it can take a good while to get "good" at expressing.

[shonaspurtle]

Oh, and my ds at that age was always furious if he woke up in his cot during the day - I ended up with him sleeping on my lap most of the time. Got a lot of mumsnetting done!

[maximummummy]

laveder123 isn't 3 weeks a bit early to be expressing i would've thought it takes longer to get br.feeding established? not that i know much about expressing it makes me cringe!! do you have to express to encourage supply ?

[Lavender123]

Hi shonaspurtle thanks for the tip on starting a new thread i though i had done this! think we've def hit growth spurt as dd is the same again today wanting to feed

[Sterny]

Hello again everybody,

I have decided that the time is right to stop breastfeeding. My ds is now 7 and a half months and I feel so pleased that we got as far as we did. I returned the breastpump that the hospital had lent us and worked out that I had used the pump to express about 120 litres of milk, which is amazing really. Ds was weighed last week and was 17lb 3 and I am so proud to have got him that far. My husband wrote a lovely note to thank the hospital for lending us the breastpump and I thought I would let you see what he wrote as it made me feel so chuffed. I have deleted the names of the two hospitals concerned as I don't want to end up being sued!:

Alice, my wife, and I had planned to have our baby here ..., but since he made an appearance six weeks early, we had to go to ... instead. An extra half hour in a traffic jam and he?d have been born in a layby. Not quite the delivery we imagined?..

We?d both been very keen for Alice to breastfeed, so we turned to the midwives we?d met here for help and advice. Because Joe was in intensive care for a few weeks we were struggling to get Alice?s milk supply going, and the advice we?d been getting from ... was, to put it politely, patchy. The good people of ... kindly lent us one of their breastpumps which Alice has used every day for the last seven and a half months, and most importantly, their support. Initially to encourage Alice?s supply, and then because Joe didn?t get the hang of eating, he was bottle fed expressed milk exclusively for the first four months, when, magically, he got the hang of latching on and has been fed from the breast and expressed milk ever since.

As a Dad, it has been great to help out with the feeding in the early days, as you tend to feel a spare part otherwise.

We guess that Alice has spent about 140 hours being milked and has produced about 210 litres in that time, which is about a bath full. Writing as a vet, I can tell you this compares fairly favourably with a good dairy goat. But you mustn?t tell Alice that.

Anyhow, Alice, Joe and I would like to thank you all very much for the extended loan of the equipment which has provided the soundtrack and nutrition of Joe?s early days.

Thank you.'

[Sterny]

duh! I meant 210 litres not 120 in the first bit