Giving up breastfeeding -cold turkey style ?

[ruthydd]

Has anyone ever given up breastfeeding cold turkey style ?

I have a 9 month old son who breastfeeds 4-6 times per day and I'm wanting to cut down to just one bed time feed. He's only very occassionally taken a bottle and we've tried all different teats etc.

So, as of this morning he's had no milk. dh has tried the bottle which he's flatly refused. He seems quite happy if a little clingy now because he's had 4oz formula in his breakfast + a banana + a yogurt, but I'm dreading the rest of the day!

Has anyone else got any tips to share with me ? Is it a good/bad idea to feed him at bed time if he hasn't taken the bottle all day. I feel awful about the whole thing. Help me stay sane please !

[hunkermunker]

Why do you want to cut down so dramatically and all at once?

You might end up with mastitis - better to do it gradually IMO.

[psychomum5]

don't do it too suddenly. like hunkermunker says, you may end up with mastitis. If nothing else you will end up very sore and huge.

will be much better, for him and you, to just start by cutting out one feed at a time, and over the course of at least one feed per 2/3 days.

[ruthydd]

I've tried cutting down slowly but he won't take milk any other way if he knows he can hold out for the real thing. I'm expressing to avoid engorement, and I'm offering him the expressed milk in a cup/bottle but its still not working.

I want to stop because I want my life back, and I'll be returning to work soon. I would like to keep 1 feed per day (or even morning and evening) but I'm worried that to get him to have any milk from any other source its going to need to be all or nothing.

So would it be better to have 1 or 2 feeds a day of breast milk and no other milk than 4 bottles of formula ?

[hunkermunker]

When do you go back to work?

[all4girlz]

my dd2 now 5 held out all day when I went back to work -she would not even eat food she was fed before I left at 7.30 and when I came home at 4 pm the HV said it would do her no harm and she eventually started drinking a bottle at about 11 months after sucking on a dummy (heartbroke about dummy)
totally sympathise btw I never got my life back -went on to have dd3 (3) and dd4 (1) who I still am b/f lol

[ruthydd]

Not in the next few weeks, but I remember with ds1 having the same problems with him not taking a bottle and it ruined my last week of maternity leave, so I don't want to leave it until the last minute. Its not the main reason anyhow. There are a long list, some selfish, some less selfish.

[hunkermunker]

I would say feed him as usual till he's one - that's not long in the grand scheme of things. Then you will feel more relaxed about his milk intake, he'll be eating more food and less reliant on milk forming the major part of his diet.

And he might well surprise you - just because DS1 behaved a certain way, doesn't mean DS2 will. Give him a cup with milk/water in between now and when you go back to work rather than a bottle - no point moving him to a bottle at this age, IMO.

I'm not a big believer in the "getting one's life back" line, I have to say - what you can do is make a new life which includes meeting your child's needs and taking time for yourself too, but I think it's risky to think of getting your old life back. But I say that with a bitter "I used to have a flat tummy, fgs" undertone

[ruthydd]

When I say "I want my life back" I mean I want to be able to

• leave the kids with Grandma for the evening
  
• take antihistamines for this sodding hayfever
  
• go shopping alone for a couple of hours knowing that ds2 won't starve
  

I have no intention of going on a 3-day bender. Those days are long long gone. The closest I get to the moon nowadays are at the Surestart drop-in singing "Zoom, zoom, zoom"..... and rightly so!

I also have a meeting with my boss on Monday to talk about my return to work, and I really really don't want to breastfeed in front of him. I'm pretty militant about feeding everywhere and anywhere but I draw the line at with work colleagues.

Sort of new this would turn into a "justify why you want to stop" thread. Perhaps because I'm still trying to justify it to myself. I was kind of hoping someone would say "well done for breastfeeding for 9 months" but hey!

[ruthydd]

On second thoughts.... and a couple of beers .... hunkermunker, you're absolutely right! Back to normal tomorrow.

Giving up breastfeeding is far too stressful. Fingers crossed it will be easier once he's a bit older not harder!

[Yorkiegirl]

what hours are you working when you go back? I went back when DD2 was 6mo and I did mornings. DD2 managed without a feed from 8am til 1pm, and she was younger than your DS. You should be able to cut down gradually in preparation for going back to work...

[all4girlz]

sorry ruth
yes well done for b/f for nine months

guess I get a bit complacent I am still b/f a 13 m dd pteen times day and three times at night
-- I think you have done well and should feel fab
virtuals hugs xx

[ruthydd]

Please don't be sorry. I'm not really on here hoping to be congratulated. I just didn't really want to be made to feel bad for wanting to give up at 9 months.

ds2 will be 11 months when I return to work. I have friends that cut their feeds down to 2 or 3 a day at this age, but its just not going to be that way for us.

[blueshoes]

ruthydd, my dd sounds like your ds - ardent breastfeeder who stubbornly refused milk in a bottle/cup. I agree with hunker to wait till ds is older. Once he is 11 months, his solid intake will be better established. My dd would never take milk (expressed, formula) from a bottle/cup, but would take small amounts of water, juice from a cup/beaker. So by the time I went back to work, I could leave dd in a nursery - where she would take solids and liquids from a cup/beaker. When I got home (around 4 pm), I would bf her. Never expressed at work.

I work parttime and chose to work reduced hours every day rather than, say, 3 full days to minimise the separation every day. 4-5 months later, dd was taking cows milk from a cup and I could leave her for a full working day (but I chose not to change my hours because reduced hours worked well for me).

[blueshoes]

BTW, I can understand the need to steal some time away from your ds. If your ds will take some fluid (does not have to be milk) in some way, then do try leaving him with his grandma, say, for a few hours whilst you go shopping nearby. He most definitely won't starve and our little ones do adapt to other carers (esp a familiar one like his grandma) when we are not there. Give it a whirl, you might be surprised! If not, you did not lose anything. Try again later.

[moondog]

Well done ruthydd! [smile
At this age your ds can go wothout a fed in the day,and doesn't actually need formula at all.
My dd went to nursey at 7 mths.
For a month i popped in to feed her,then after that,she just had water and juice in the day 9no other milk then or now)
We continued to b/feed for 30 mths (am and pm and on w/ends) and I was easily able to do all the things you want to do.

[blueshoes]

BTW, I can understand the need to steal some time away from your ds. If your ds will take some fluid (does not have to be milk) in some way, then do try leaving him with his grandma, say, for a few hours whilst you go shopping nearby. He most definitely won't starve and our little ones do adapt to other carers (esp a familiar one like his grandma) when we are not there. Give it a whirl, you might be surprised! If not, you did not lose anything. Try again later.

[blueshoes]

006, I don't believe anyone on this thread has called ruthydd selfish for wanting to stop. I agree that breastfeeding is a mutual decision between mother and baby. If you felt so strongly about stopping, then it is right that you did at the time you did.

Well done, ruthydd for lasting it out as long as you did - it goes without saying the decision remains yours. But having had a dd who sounded so similar to your ds - I also returned to work at 11 months with great trepidation - I felt compelled to share my experience that in a few more months (not years for your ds to be in school), the situation could change dramatically for the better for both you and ds.

[blueshoes]

BTW, I don't believe there is a window for giving up breastfeeding. If I stopped at 8 months, I would have got non-stop howling from my dd. It depends on the child and their particular needs.

[ruthydd]

I think it was me that inferred that I'm being selfish, because I'm the one that has to look at his poor sweet face asking for my milk :(

I am worried that stopping will be harder later on, as he gets more and more aware of whats really going on.

[blueshoes]

006, that's fine . BTW, I did give up bf-ing when dd was 17 months because I could not take dd's nightwakings to nibble anymore. I followed the "do not offer do not refuse" stance. Just took longer to offer the breast, and if dd bit (she was biting at that stage), just took her off. Dd did not insist on continuing. So it worked almost cold turkey. But I think in hindsight it was a nursing strike.