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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Nan's bungalow is being taken today

51 replies

Pinkchampagne · 16/08/2007 09:21

We had a couple of extra weeks to get everything cleared, but today is the day it is being handed over, and I'm hating the thought of someone else coming out of her front door.

Went down yesterday & looked through the windows one final time, and it looked so bare.

I know it is not nan's house without nan, but she had lived in that house since I was a little girl, and I am finding it all very upsetting.

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ChippyMinton · 16/08/2007 09:28

If it helps you are not alone: I avoid driving past my grandmother's house since it was sold. Can't bear to see anyone else living there. for you.

Pinkchampagne · 16/08/2007 09:29

I took some photos of it as it was, complete with all nan's belongings, just after her death. I guess I sound a bit strange, but I have been dreading this day.

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Pinkchampagne · 16/08/2007 09:31

I don't know if I will be able to pass it once someone else is living there, CM, it would be too upsetting. To me that little bungalow will always be my nan's house.

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Mhamai · 16/08/2007 09:36

Oh PinkChampagne, This is another stage of your grief process and I can't lessen that pain but all I can say is just allow yourself to grieve, as you say there are so many memories attached to that house, always remember too that the memories are forever with you in your heart. (((((PinkCampagne))))) x

Pinkchampagne · 16/08/2007 10:18

Thanks, Mhamai, I guess you're right.

Since the funeral, I have been trying to get on with life as you do, and been feeling more normal (well as normal as I get!), but all it takes is for me to read another letter she had written (lots were found in her house, including notes she wrote the doctor when she was in pain), find unopened christmas cards she had meant to give my boys last Christmas, read old birthday cards she had sent me, or smell the smell of her house on the bridesmaid dress I wore at the age of two, which she had kept in her room all those years, and I am in bits again.

it has been a month now, but I am only just starting to gather up the bits from her house (including an empty jelly baby packet!) which were all on display on top of my fireplace, and put them somewhere safe.

I am getting on, but I have been dreading this day since news of her death. I wish we could keep her house forever, but of course we can't.

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Tinker · 16/08/2007 10:22

Sorry pc, it's a horrible feeling isn't it? Have just had to put my mum's house up for sale

Pinkchampagne · 16/08/2007 10:25

It is a horrible feeling, I'm so sorry about your mum.

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Pinkchampagne · 16/08/2007 10:41

wanted to go round & look in her garden one last time, but as I approached I heard nan's old neighbours out in their gardens, they were chatting & laughing, and I couldn't do it.

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Mhamai · 16/08/2007 12:13

Oh pet, a month isn't a long time at all! Although my dad isn't dead, he has alzheimer's and is in hospital at the moment, he won't be coming home, he will have to go into a nursing home as he is incotinent now. As he doesen't own his home, we are facing the same prospect of having to clear his house and I'm dreading it tbh.

Is there something you could do apart from going to your nans grave etc. Maybe buy a plant that she liked? Sometimes I found small jestures like this helped me with my own grief when my mum died. The pain of loss never quite goes but you do learn to live with it over time. x

WendyWeber · 16/08/2007 12:23

pc. It's the last bit of her going, isn't it?

I know my DC will feel just the same when my MIL dies. She's 84 now but still going strong, and she has an elder sister, and their mother was over 90 when she died; but nobody lasts forever.

pinkbubble · 16/08/2007 12:25

Thinking of you PC, take care and look after yourself, I'm about today if you need to chat!

Pinkchampagne · 16/08/2007 14:23

I have been to the castle with the boys for a bit of distraction.
It is like the last part of her going. Up until today I knew I could go back to her house if I felt I needed to, and just wander from room to room, remembering her in her chair by the TV. The chair is no longer there now, and it is pretty bare, but I still looked through those windows last night & saw nan's rooms - I won't be able to do that anymore.
Her display cabinet is still in the lounge, and mum says it will be dumped.
She had that glass cabinet for as long as I can remember, and my DS2 used to always look at the bits & bobs in there.
She had put in her will for my mum to have it, but mum doesn't want it, and I have nowhere for it here. I feel very sad that nan's pride & joy will just be destroyed though.

I've got nan's little cat here, which is a constant reminder of her.
I was never keen to get pets, but I had to take nan's cat after she passed away. It feels like I'm doing her one last favour.

So so sorry to hear about your dad, Mhamai, that must be so tough for you.x

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Pinkchampagne · 16/08/2007 14:40

PB - thanks, I will be ok, it is just horrible knowing nan's house is officially no longer nan's house, even though nan isn't here anymore. I can't get my head round the thought of someone else living there at all.

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hazygirl · 16/08/2007 15:09

hi pink champagne ,thinking of you, hope you are feeling a bit better

Pinkchampagne · 16/08/2007 15:38

Hi hazy, how are you?

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Pinkchampagne · 16/08/2007 15:49

I miss my nan so much.

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hazygirl · 16/08/2007 15:50

ok the girls have just left so just tidying the whirlwind up, are you finding it any easier and keeping ok

hazygirl · 16/08/2007 15:55

you will do its eight months since jayden died and theres never a moment hes not in our thoughts, we took the girls to seaside last week for day, i had the girls at each side, i turned round and his space, it was empty,and cried, it just hits you sometimes ,i suppose its ok for us i go every day into the room he left us,i am glad of that

Blu · 16/08/2007 15:57

It must feel very brutal, the clearing out. A very hard task.

I love the fact that she kept your 2-year-old bridesmaid dress.

Pinkchampagne · 16/08/2007 15:57

I'm kind of back in the land of the living more now, hazy, and I'm getting on with life, but I still have my moments.
I am still surrounded by nan's bits, and know I really need to put them all in a box now.
I have the order of service from the funeral right here on my computer desk because it has a lovely picture of her on it. I know I really need to put it all away now though.

Glad to hear you are doing ok.

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Pinkchampagne · 16/08/2007 15:58

She kept everything, Blu! I have back cards that I wrote her when I was around 6 years old! Nan wouldn't get rid of anything!

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hazygirl · 16/08/2007 16:02

i dont know about putting things away,my dd asked me last month to put his clothes away for her, A friend helped me do it ,next day she put it back again, its still there, there is no set time that you have to do things

Pinkchampagne · 16/08/2007 16:02

Sorry, hazygirl, I X posted with you. It must be so difficult for you, I can't imagine the pain of losing a young child like that.

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hazygirl · 16/08/2007 16:05

did you go on gonetoosoon site ,that and here is only thing that gets me through,you can see a picture of my gs

Pinkchampagne · 16/08/2007 16:06

I guess you are right there, but I feel I should be moving on more now, so should maybe put them all away.
I have her hospital wristband which was cut from her wrist when she died. I know that sounds very morbid, but I felt I needed to take it because I wasn't there for her right at the end.
A friend of mine told me I should get rid of it & just keep the nice memories, but I can't throw it away atm.

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