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Bereavement

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My beautiful baby girl was stillborn

78 replies

3littlebadgers · 26/03/2015 12:03

I am struggling so much right now, two weeks ago today my beautiful baby girl was stillborn. I had stop start labour for over a week and then I went in to hospital with reduced movements and they couldn't find her heartbeat. I still hear my screams in my head. I went into labour naturally, and they broke my waters.
I just feel in such a dark and lonely place right now. I keep getting emails telling me what my two week old should be doing, my pregnancy and baby magazines keep coming through the door and all I want is to hold her. I just want to hold my baby.
Please can someone tell me what to do? How can I stop feeling this way? I don't want to forget her I just want to be able to function. I just want to be there for my other children without feeling guilty that I am not with her too.

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 26/03/2015 12:05

Oh, how very sad. Flowers Sending you loads of hugs. What was her name? I believe that SANDS can be very good, when you feel up to it.

kavv0809 · 26/03/2015 12:12

I'm so sorry. You must be in unimaginable pain. Didn't want to read and run. I have no advice save to say take your time, remember your lovely baby girl, and make your peace with however long it takes. You will get through this, you are stronger than you think.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/03/2015 12:13

Really, really feel for you Thanks bis there someone you could ask to help stop the emails and baby mags? Maybe a friend who has offered help?

OwlCapone · 26/03/2015 12:20

So sorry to hear this :(

minmooch · 26/03/2015 12:28

I am so sorry that you have lost your daughter. You will never forget her. Please tell us about her if you would like. What is her name? How much did she weigh?

I lost identical twin daughters from TTTS 6 years ago. Ihave never forgotten them, they are part of me and my life. I had two sons at the time. Ultimately they helped me through.

I joined SANDS and made life-long friends. I talked and talked about them. They were real.

peacefuleasyfeeling · 26/03/2015 13:07

I am so very sorry for the loss of your little girl. What is your daughter's name? I can only begin to imagine how you feel. I'll be thinking of you both Flowers

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 26/03/2015 13:10

Oh lovely, I'm so sad and sorry for you. I wish there was something I could say or do but I know there's not. Please know that I'm thinking of you and your family and sending you strength and courage and hope

Please tell us about your lovely little DD if you can. I would love to hear about her.

Much love Flowers

momb · 26/03/2015 13:12

I am so sorry for your loss x

HappyInTheCity · 26/03/2015 14:26

I am so sorry for your devastating loss, sending you love. xxx

ThisFenceIsComfy · 26/03/2015 14:29

Goodness Flowers only time can make it more bearable. Would you like to talk to us about your daughter?

Shedding · 26/03/2015 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnzeeJ · 26/03/2015 16:21

PMing you, so so sorry from one who knows this awful pain x

Neeko · 26/03/2015 16:24

I'm also so sorry for your loss. Keep reminding yourself that there is no right or wrong way to grieve and simply do what feels right, or least wrong, at that moment.

Be kind to yourself. Thanks

Abraid2 · 26/03/2015 16:26

I am so sorry. Like others, I would very much like to know your daughter's name--if you would like to tell us, that is.

jellybeans · 26/03/2015 16:39

I am so very sorry for your loss :( I lost 2 daughters and founds Sands very helpful. Lots of love x

3littlebadgers · 26/03/2015 16:43

She was 8lb exactly, the same as my little boy, and a good weight. The hospital said she was perfect from what they could see although we refused the post mortem. She was so beautiful. I just keep going over the days before, the midwives said she had a good heartbeat that she was a happy baby. I keep thinking if I did something wrong, maybe didn't cook something properly, or rolled over onto her in the night, or bounced too hard on the birthing ball. How can she be struggling inside of me and I not know?

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 26/03/2015 16:53

It was not your fault.

I am so sorry for your loss. Had you chosen a name for your beautiful DD?

Patatas · 26/03/2015 17:00

I am so sorry you lost your beautiful little girl. I am sure you did nothing wrong, please don't blame yourself.

3littlebadgers · 26/03/2015 17:02

We had I'm just struggling sharing it at the moment, it is like her photographs as much as I can't stop looking at them, when my lovely friends Ask to see them I just feel so protective of them, the only one I will show them is one of her resting her head on my shoulder because she looks alive. I so wish she was

OP posts:
minmooch · 26/03/2015 17:58

Of course you wish she was alive. I'm afraid you always will. But there will come a time when you are able to live with the grief alongside your happiness. It seems unbelievable but there will be a time that you are able to look back at your pregnancy and remember the joy you had growing your daughter. You don't get over something like this but you do learn to live with it. You do learn to smile again. If you have other children you learn to cope, eventually, for them. But it takes time. One step, one moment at a time.

I not only lost my daughters but I also lost my 18 year old son last year to cancer. Unbelievably I have to grieve for yet another child. But there is still beauty in my life, amidst the brutality. I find it hard to explain how you live through these terrible experiences - but somehow you do. Some days are not good, some days are honestly terrible, but there are good days too and I never thought I would reach this stage.

There is no time limit to grief, no right or wrong way. What has helped me get through may not help you. If talking is your thing, then find understanding people who you can talk to. If being quiet at home helps you then do that.

Wishing you much love and strength.

loveliesbleeding1 · 26/03/2015 18:11

Im so sorry, I wish there were words to help, because I would send you some.Sending you strength and peace.Flowers, minmoochFlowers I remember and think of you often .

Gunpowder · 26/03/2015 18:21

I'm so sorry about your little girl. She sounds so gorgeous and special. Thinking of you. Flowers

thoughtsbecomethings · 26/03/2015 18:27

My heart goes out to you and your family. Life can be so cruel sometimes. I can't begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling x

YonicScrewdriver · 26/03/2015 18:33

I am so sorry for your loss x

Abraid2 · 26/03/2015 18:36

I remember your story, too, minmooch and think of you and wonder how you are.