My husband has severe copd (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) and yesterday had a severe exacerbation. This means he couldn't breathe properly and is now in hospital.
He is on a ventilator, and not responding well to this treatment after about 40 hours on the ventilator. I am utterly terrified.
I've come home to try to sleep, but can't.
He is only 61. He is terrified too. I simply can't think straight and am in a new and appalling world where nothing is right and everything is terrifying. I can't stop shaking with fear. Please hold my hand.
I have been reading this post having been away from MN for a long time, and felt I had to say how sorry I am for your loss. Your DH sounds a wonderful man as you do too.
I lost my DH four years ago when I was in my 40s and my DCs were 16 and 18. It's been a difficult journey but with support from family, friends and a local bereavement group, we have come a long way from those early dark days. Accept as much support as you want, even trying counselling etc. I was cynical about counselling but it has helped tremendously, even if I didn't think so at the time.
On a practical note, I received Bereaved Parent's Allowance, as my DD was below 18, which I believe you should qualify for. Also there was a £2000 bereavement payment to help with funeral costs - presume that's still available.
Be kind to yourself, time is a great healer but no-one can tell you how much time you need - everyone is different. Feelings of guilt, shock, acceptance are all common and normal.
i have been reading about your sad time i send you lots of love and prayers i lost both my parents at 11 my dear brother recently he dide in my arms your heartache will ease in time please be strong and live for your family and support eachother you are all hurting bless you. xx