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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Ds, nearly 4, still wont poo without a nappy.

35 replies

bunny2 · 04/04/2004 14:33

He is fine weeing in the toilet and has been for ages but he cries for a nappy when he needs to poo. I have suggested he use the toilet or a potty but I havent been more forceful than that as I dont want to make a big thing of it. But, he is 4 next month and I really would like to ditch the nappies soon. Yesterday I took him to a toy shop and he chose a toy, we bought it and I put it away explaining he could have it after his first poo in the toilet/potty. He was very keen and he did try but just cant do it for some reason. Any ideas?

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juniper68 · 04/04/2004 15:43

I'm in the same boat with my son who's 4 is September. He brings the nappy to me when he needs a poo. He's just getting over sickness and diahorrea so it's been fun and games.
No advice but you're not alone and I'd welcome any help/tips too.

twiglett · 04/04/2004 16:36

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bunny2 · 04/04/2004 20:46

I tried that Twiglett but he wanted it fastened at the sides. I did get him to sit on a potty with the nappy on but as soon as he wanted to poo he stood up. It appears easier for him in a standing position, that cant be right can it?

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twiglett · 04/04/2004 21:12

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bunny2 · 04/04/2004 21:18

Thanks Twigs . I would be more insistent but ds does get constipated and I cant bear to make it worse.

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twiglett · 04/04/2004 21:19

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dinosaur · 05/04/2004 11:19

twiglett - that was probably me - based on our experience with DS1 - who had been "holding it in" for so long that he just didn't seem able to do a proper poo any more - instead he was doing four or five small poos a day in his pants - we asked GP and health visitor who just said "Oh, if he's pooing that often he can't be constipated". However eventually the paediatrician who diagnosed his autism wrote to the GP basically saying "For God's sake give this child a laxative".

It worked with DS1 - within about a week he was using the potty to poo in, and has now graduated to the toilet - but I'm not sure I'd recommend it for a child who is not already constipated, iyswim. But worth having a chat with GP if you think he might be constipated bunny2.

stamford · 05/04/2004 12:03

My little one holds his poo in because he doesn't like pooing on the potty or the toilet. If you withdraw the nappies this may happen so if you want to get rid of them, start loading him up with fruit (especially grapes etc. that make nice soft poos!) so that he doesn't get constipated. I guess you will just have to go cold turkey and do the 'big boys poo in the potty' talk and the toy idea sounds great. It's probably going to be an uphill battle (we haven't fully resolved it yet and we've been trying for a month!) but I don't think there's a quick solution to this. My eldest had no problem (a girl) and this poo thing often seems to be an issue with boys - don't know why!!

bunny2 · 05/04/2004 19:31

Cheers ladies. Ds loves grapes, I'll get some tomorrow. I tried prune juice but he wouldnt go near it. Dinosaur, how old was your ds when he finally cracked it?

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juniper68 · 05/04/2004 22:41

Hope you find a solution soon bunny2. I think I'll give the lining the potty idea a go as my ds isn't constipated.
Btw kiwi fruit is good to get u goin, don't know if it's the high vit C? cos oranges do too?

misdee · 05/04/2004 22:49

ok, i was a harsh mummy. dd2 was nearing starting nursery last sept and just wouldnt poo in the toilet, was fine with wee's, and actually held it in for 5 days. in the end i gave her a spoon ful of califig (which looks and smells and taste awful). she hated it. every time after that, when she refused to do a poo in the toilet and screamed for a nappy i just got the bottle out so she could see it. it had her scurrying to the loo after that.

alexsmum · 05/04/2004 23:00

It must be a boy thing!! We have been having exactly the same problem with our little boy who has just turned four. We ended up doing a star chart and every time he did a poo in the potty or the toilet he got a star and a sweetie and when he had so many stars he got a toy. It did work and now he will go to the loo.But we have found that every now and then he will just do it in his underpants.It drives me bonkers and I'm worries in case he is still doing it when he starts school in september. It's really embarrassing though isn't it ? Especially when they do it somewhere public like debenhams as my little villian did a while ago.

juniper68 · 05/04/2004 23:03

sorry but u both made me chuckle can just see the sparks flying off mini misdees shoes as she runs to the loo and alexsmums face in debenhams roflmao

misdee · 05/04/2004 23:09

even now if she needs cough medicine she says to me 'not the poo medicine mummy'. oh no, have i scarred her for life?? mind u, she has never had a poo accident in her pants, so it must have worked.

juniper68 · 05/04/2004 23:10

Oh stoppit misdee or else I'll have an accident laffin

misdee · 05/04/2004 23:18

glad its entertaining u. i'm telling u tho it was no fun when she was screaqming for a nappy and despertaly trying not to poo. then she got tummy aches and felt awful. we did try the reward thing, but she said 'do i get sweets everytime i poo' so that idea went out the window, as i dont feel she should get rewards in the way of treats for poo-ing. praise was good enough. but she made my neighbours laugh, as we always left the bathroom window open, and they heard this voice shouting 'mum i did it, i did a poo, it was really really big'

Ghosty · 05/04/2004 23:35

We had this problem too ... seems like a long time ago now but DS was 3 and dry during the day. He saved his poos for when he had his nappy on at night. Then we decided that he didn't need to have a nappy on at night (waking at 5am wanting to go to the toilet) that was when the problem started.
I never gave in and let him have a nappy ... and he never pooed in his pants ... so we had a real problem in that he held on and held on for 6 days ... I felt awful.
I took him to our wonderful Plunket Nurse (equivalent to HV here in NZ) who basically told me that he was having a laugh and was trying to control the situation and that I wasn't to let him call the shots. I was absolutely astounded and a bit put out by what she said but then she turned to DS and told him in no uncertain times that he was 3 and a half and he knew what the toilet was for and it wasn't Mummy's problem and that big boys used the toilet for poos.
It was amazing. He scowled at her, turned to me and said, "Mummy, I don't want to talk about this. I don't like this lady, I want to go home now!"
The next morning he did a poo in the toilet and apart from a couple of blips we haven't looked back.
Some children genuinely don't like doing poos ... and my DS is one of them. He hates the smell and hates the thought of them. And he was a bit scared of the toilet. So, whenever he looked like he was holding on, I would say, "You look like you need a poo ... you know where the toilet is, just let me know when you want some help." And I would walk away, when previously I had begged and cajoled ...
What basically happened is that we put the ball in his court and he knew he was not going to get any attention in this anymore.
Sorry, again a long ramble ... hope this helps a bit .... xxx

bunny2 · 06/04/2004 20:25

Misdee, I might get some of that medicine. As long as the taste is horrid it might work. I shall combine your experiences with Ghostys and go for the tough approach. Ds has me rround his little finger, I even run up and down stairs fetching nappies for him on demand. But NO MORE soft Mummy, Im going to get tough. He has gone back to wetting himself the last couple of days after being dry for ages, dont know if it is the trauma of the potty or just coincidence.

Thanks again.

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bunny2 · 06/04/2004 20:26

Alexmum and Juniper, glad I ma not alone on this.

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chocfiend · 07/04/2004 14:28

Have had the same problem with our little boy aged 2 1/2. Tried the Lining the potty with Nappy trick (from the potty training in one week Gina Ford Bibles) but didn't work. Eventually found something that worked for us without laxatives. He liked to poo standing up (?!) so I waited until I saw him contorting his face, rushed him to the toilet, pulled down the pull-up nappy just in time to sit him on the toilet for the poo to drop in. After a couple of shots of this he went no problem and we.ve had no accidents since. I have to say though his face was an absolute picture the first time - he was totally surprised that it was OK to let go!!!

bunny2 · 07/04/2004 20:35

Thats esactly the same with ds, he always poos standing up. I cant see how physically it is easier but that's his preference. Might have to dash to the toilet with him at the last moment!

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LastChance · 07/04/2004 20:49

Hi,

My dh said that he used to play a game with his first ds about making it "fun" to do a poo in the potty/loo.

He used to call the poos Policemen and told his ds to tell him the minute he did a "policeman poo" in the potty/loo.

Apparently his ds really liked this idea and proudly ran to get his dad the minute he'd accomplished the task.....

To his dismay when he returned to the potty with Dad in tow......the dog had eaten it!

Ya gotta laugh but his ds's face must've been a picture!!!

Anyway, it might help to make a game of it is all I'm saying.

My sister is having the same trouble with her 2 1/2 year old.... At the moment he follows whoever into the bathroom and she found him reading his comic whilst sitting on the potty the other day (that's what his Dad does). Still, he won't go without his nappy so I'll be intrigued to find out if anyone has a solution out there.

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lailag · 07/04/2004 21:06

here is another boy (3 1/2 y)who only wants to poo standing up in his nappy...

bunny2 · 08/04/2004 19:38

Lol, the policeman and the dog!!!

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mckenzie · 09/04/2004 20:16

can i re-open this thread please on behalf of a friend of mine. Her daughter, who is four, will also not do a poo on the toilet or potty and instead asks for a nappy and does it standing on her tiptoes in the bathroom.
My friend is concerned particularly as her daughter will be starting school in September. She has tried star chart, bribery, gentle persuasion, witholding treats and all sorts.

Does anyone have any words of advice that i can pass on please?

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