At an absolute loss to know what to do with our DS. I think DH and I are failing him, so coming on here for advice. Sorry it's long, trying not to drip feed and answer possible questions in advance!
DS seems reasonably happy with us and enjoys our company. I work four days a week, DH full time. He is in nursery three days a week, sometimes he whines about going but always has fun there. He plays sort of with the other children, sort of on his own, but nursery have no concerns about him socially/developmentally. The fourth day is with his nan - they play toy trains (his favourite thing to do in the world), go to the shops or the park; he is usually good there too. He eats well and when at home and we aren't doing anything in the afternoon he will sleep for up to 2.5 hours and still sleep at night 8-7. Basically, trying to detach myself, I think he's a nice little boy with a lot to like about him, he is pretty good on playdates which we have regularly (say once or twice a week). He seems to come alive with other children he knows well and even that might take half an hour. He is chatty and confident once out of his shell.
The issue is that he is so scared of so many simple things or reluctant to do anything and the gap between him and other children his age is getting more and more noticeable. He will not:
- walk more than ten minutes
- play in the park if there are other children there, go on swings, slides, climbing frames....
- go for a walk into the woods behind our house with us.
- get in the bath without sobbing and crying because he's worried about water getting in his face. Hairwashing is a nightmare. Once in, he won't get out. Cries and panics he's going to get cold.
- go swimming. DH has tried multiple times. It takes 30 mins just to get him to dip a toe in, he's terrified. Kids half his age are going down the big slides and loving it. Makes us feel awful.
- ride a bike (will sit on it and walk but won't even attempt to pedal)
- won't go on a scooter (terrified of falling off)
- doesn't want to leave the house for his music class. Only thing that is guaranteed to get him out is going out with DH in his sports car.
- won't wear shorts - terrified of falling over. Took half an hour to get him in shorts the other day but it was 90 degree heat so had to really.
- dance or participate in any activities at parties (went to a 4year old's party last week- he stuck to me, in my arms, like velcro although he knew all the children who were his age). Wouldn't even dance quietly with me in the corner away from everyone else to "warm up". It was embarrassing for me to be honest. Every single other kid was participating. He was terrified and crying.
- enjoy grown up stuff like food festivals/craft markets with things for kids to do - hates facepainting, bouncy castles, merry-go-rounds...
He is not much of a fan of doing crafts/art at home, baking, and other gentler activities. Just worried that he is so..... limited and we struggle to know what to do with him. He seems so behind other kids and we are worried it will start to really put him at a disadvantage. Whatever we suggest, he doesn't want to do, cries and whines and wants to stay in and play with his trains. Weekends are very stressful as a result and frankly, boring. Please help - we are clearly failing him. I am heavily pregnant with DC2 and worried about doing it wrong all over again.