Did you/would you go for a 'safe' name so as not to upset ...

(143 Posts)
wonderingifiam2013 Fri 06-Sep-13 13:40:16

Parents and in-laws?

I know people have strong views on revealing/not revealing names before baby arrives but both DH and I do not want to share our names before baby arrives. We don't know the sex and want to introduce baby to everyone by his/her name.

With baby #1 we were bombarded EVERY time we saw family members with name suggestions and questions even though they knew we wouldn't reveal the names we had chosen.

This time it's only just started (well past half way rather than just conceived last time! grin) and isn't half as bad as last time ... yet!

But ... my inlaws were introduced to a baby the other week who had a name we secretly loved, although not top of our list, and totally slagged it off and asked why on earth you'd call a baby that?

Now the name we like for a girl is quite 'safe' although not overly popular ... whereas the boys name we both like will be greeted with shock/horror ... which both of us giggle at as it makes us want to use it even more so!

Therefore - are we being stubborn in wanting to use a name we know the family won't like and should we go for a safer more traditional name?

DalmationDots Wed 11-Sep-13 19:55:02

And yes agree with shobby about the shouting your child's name rule e.g. at a park, would you be embarrassed or feel it was a bit unnecessarily quirky.

DalmationDots Wed 11-Sep-13 19:53:24

We didn't, if I was asked I said we haven't chosen yet. If pushed I'd say 'I like (e.g. Amelia)' knowing that it was one on our shortlist that we'd crossed off already - so wasn't technically lying but also wasn't giving it away.

We chose a 'safe' name for DC1, our son. But just because that is what we liked. For DD her name was a well-known name but not very common (from a generation before IFYSWIM).

Everyone has their own tastes, I don't like my own name but it was my parents choice and I'd never tell them, not their place to tell me they don't like DCs!

ChristineDaae Wed 11-Sep-13 17:51:24

Pft ignore them. When we named DD I kinda dreaded telling MIL her name, but turns out she loves it (or so she says to my face!wink) choose the name you love, so long as your child won't get bullied in school for it!

On another note, I adore the name Aurora! If I could use another A name I would definitely have it if DC2 is a girl!

KristinaM Mon 09-Sep-13 11:31:28

My children all have classic first names ( their surname is very unusual ) . They would be in the top 50 but not the top 10. However they are the only children in their school ( of 200 pupils ) with these names .

shobby Mon 09-Sep-13 10:47:18

Sorry about the typos, I hate predictive text!!!!!

shobby Mon 09-Sep-13 10:45:26

I used to think a good rule of thumb when choosing a namei was whether or not you will feel embarrassed shouting your child's name out to call them in for their tea when they are out playing..... but these days do any kids allowed to play in the street these days?

Also odd spellings of name are a no no for me (eg Rebecca, Rebekka, Ribeka) my friend hated her unusally spelt name, got so fed up with having to spell it out all the time.

I don't think it's just a case of pleasing yourself when you choose a child's name, what I meant was whatever you choose some people will dislike it so you may as well be happy with your choice. I think teachers have the hardest task as it must be he'll trying to pick a name you don't associate with a child you would rather not have taught....

invicta Sun 08-Sep-13 22:35:43

My son is spending his school life as Tony X, as there is another Tony in his class also( tony - not real name)

anaotchan Sun 08-Sep-13 22:31:31

(also, there are plenty of classic names that few people strongly dislike that are far away from the top 10-20! sadly DH and I can't agree on one... but they exist wink )

anaotchan Sun 08-Sep-13 22:14:41

oh yes, clearly it's impossible to know what name our offspring will love! but conversely, it's likely that if everyone you ask hates the name, they'll be with the majority. Which is why I don't understand the "sod everyone else" reasoning.

And yeah, the issue with my position is that I run the risk of giving my future DD a common name. That's true, and in fact it's what's bothering me with the name DH and I have agreed on. But then I have a pretty risk-averse personality, so that's the price to pay... there's no perfect solution smile

AmpullaOfVater Sun 08-Sep-13 20:19:39

That's why I'd rather play it safe myself, and get a name well-liked by most people whose taste I trust.

That's what my mum did, and as a result I have a Top 10 name that a huge number of girls born in my generation seem to have! I went through school being known as Myname3! And that's why I'm staying firmly out of the Top 10.

justmuddlingthroughit Sun 08-Sep-13 19:19:32

But, given that its impossible to know what name your newborn child would actually like, the gift the parents give is surely a name that they believe is beautiful and meaningful?

anaotchan Sun 08-Sep-13 19:15:22

I'm surprised the overwhelming consensus seems to be "get what YOU like and sod everyone else".

the way I see it, giving a name is like giving a gift: you don't choose what you like personally, you choose what the person you're giving it to will like! (as far as you can guess, of course)

and there's no reason why our child will like our crazy favourite name, if everyone around us hates it. That's why I'd rather play it safe myself, and get a name well-liked by most people whose taste I trust.

PoppyAmex Sun 08-Sep-13 17:36:27

Benjerries, sorry for your loss especially around a time where you must've felt really vulnerable.

Who are these people? I know what it's like to be so shocked that you can't say anything but don't let it get to you - you have your lovely DC and she will always be an ill mannered loser.

Ezio Sun 08-Sep-13 17:11:43

I've since fallen in love with Pheobe for a girl!

I've got a Phoebe, i have only ever encountered a handful of other Phoebes.

specialmagiclady Sun 08-Sep-13 17:03:58

We didn't name Ds2 Diggory thanks to family/friends pressure. Still regret it. (though he has an ace name actually). But we'd already fronted up to them to name DS1 something unusual, so we were exhausted really.

shobby Sun 08-Sep-13 14:39:10

I think it is a mistake to be too influenced by what anyone else thinks of your baby name choices, whatever you choose someone (perhaps even your child in later life) won't like it, so you might as well please yourselves! Interestingly I found our old baby name book the other day where OH and I had underlined out shortlisted names for DD and really didn't like some of the names I had shortlisted on my own list now!

I remember really liking Flora as a name for our daughter when I was pregnant, but was put off by the reaction of my nephew when he said 'why to you want to call the baby margarine aunty?'......which made me think a bit, she ended up with it as a middle name. Also loved the name Tilda (big Tilda Swinton fan) when pregnant with no. 2 child, my midwife mate hated it (reminded her of the rice!) and said if I had a girl she would refuse to write it on her namebands if we called her that.....had a boy so not an issue in the end but I still like it! OH and I couldn't agree on a boys name so took to 4 days to name him (really thought I was having another girl so didn't really consider boys names....mistake!) ended up with Cameron as OH of Scottish descent but he is always known as Cam and it suits him, DD used to call him Camaroooon when he was little, aw.

benjerriesandme Sun 08-Sep-13 14:26:40

PoppyAmex- I totally agree that it is bad manners to be rude about a baby's name when the baby is born and in front of them but that is exactly what happened when I took my youngest son into work. She asked me his name so I told her and his middle name which I named after my dad who had died a few months before I found out I was pregnant and she told me that he wouldn't thank me for that when he was older! I was so shocked that I didn't say anything, wish I had though now as I found her totally out of order.

Tournesol Sun 08-Sep-13 14:18:30

My parents have 6 GC and have scoffed at every single name! But my sister and I do not give a stuff because we love the names and by now my parents are used to it.

Also, seriously my mother suggested Manon as a name for my DD, so pots and kettles (thing is I can't properly explain why this is so bad without revealing my identity, but let's just say that name with my surname would be carnage!)

3boysgirlontheway Sun 08-Sep-13 13:31:12

My first has a very safe name, my next two have biblical names that are well known but, not top 100. DD's name is unusual where we come from, when we announced her most people hadn't heard of her name in years. It's popular in the UK (top 50)

I loved Aurora but, it makes me think of the movie theatre shooting now and I can't get that association out of my head.

invicta Sun 08-Sep-13 08:28:02

Love Aurora ( pretty and feminine) and Cassius ( strong name)

Go with names you love. My niece has an unusual Welsh name, or at least it's unusual when she visits us in England, but most Welsh know it. I have a foreign middle name which I love.

I went for safe names ( 2xboys). I love the names I chose, but part of me wishes I chose more unusual names - not weird but names such as Cassius which are unusual, but easy to spell and pronounce. My grandad and great grandad both have the same unusual middle name and I also wish I 'd kept that tradition going. It didn't occur to me at the time. I did give them, what I thought were more unusual middle names, but dc1 s name then became popular as a first name.

I also considered Leo and Dylan as names - both unusual but not difficult to spell or pronounce. However, tony Blair and Catherine Zeta Jones names their children with these names, so I avoided them in case they became popular, or people thought we were given them celeb names. I don't know any 13 year children by these names!

youarewinning Sun 08-Sep-13 08:09:34

Firstly congratulations grin

YANBU to choose a name you love.

My DS has a 'safe' name. Name was discussed early on when we found out he was a boy at 20 weeks. We found out due to complications and wanted an identity for him of it did go wrong iyswim? Name also needed to be something OK in Spanish and English (pronounciation wise)

He's a Tomas but we had Sofia for a girl.

I've since fallen in love with Pheobe for a girl!

PoshCat Sun 08-Sep-13 00:27:09

DP made me play it safe. My eldest DD has a name I would never ever have chosen myself. It's an ok, "safe" name but it would never have figured on any of my baby name lists.
DD2 has a name I chose. Safe again but it was my decision. He doesn't like it. :-(

DancingLady Sat 07-Sep-13 22:37:04

DD has a very unusual name (Eastern European) and the only comments I've had are 'that's a really pretty name'. I told my DM beforehand but not DMIL, as I didn't think she'd like it... (DH family are English and pretty conservative). It's a family name and was really the only one I wanted. Middle name is Romy, which me and DH love.

Surely your child will transcend whatever name you give them, and own that name?

LOVE Aurora (I know a lovely 5-year-old Aurora) and ditto Cassius. If you happen to love a 'safe' name like Tom or Emma, use it, but it'd be quite sad to choose a 'safe' name because you don't want your DC to stand out or be bullied. Bullies will find any reason to pick on a child, whatever their name is.

We chose safe because we like safe. Our surname is too common for an unusual name to sound anything but wanky anyway.

mikkii Sat 07-Sep-13 22:18:46

To complicate matters when choosing names, DH is half Spanish/half Italian and we wanted names that work in all 3 languages.

DS got Italian names, Alessandro Valentino, but we use Valentino as his given name. We figured if he hated his names he could use Alex.

DD1 is Gabriela Faith (Sanish spelling, not a typo) Faith is one of my middle names.

Our surname is unusual, even where it comes from and very foreign. When choosing names for DD2 DM suggested Sarah which is my other middle name. Now whilst I don't dislike it, it s bland and boring. It also doesn't go with our surname.

Also, how did DM think "Sarah" would feel when her siblings are Valentino and Gabriela? That we couldn't be bothered to think of a decent name for her?

DD2 is Luisa Amelia.

I also know DM does not like DC names, but she wouldn't dare to tell me that.

It is a tradition where DH is from that first son is given DH name, first girl mum's ame. No way was I saddling my PFB with DH's name!

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