Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 4

(792 Posts)
NatzCNL Sun 12-Feb-12 20:26:03

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to concieve after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
Can'tdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
Lisbeth Salander - baby boy 7/11
Stormbird – George 24/07/11
Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12

Mishtabel Mon 13-May-13 22:48:28

Congratulations Kittens!! I'm so overjoyed for you, I'm finding it hard to find the words. Looking forward to reading more about it - have only just popped on, flipped the thread, and read Cant's last post saying how she is still smiling smile. Have to get Bella off to daycare, but will catch up with everything I've missed out since my last post (many moons back) later today. What a lovely start to the day xxx

ghislaine Tue 14-May-13 12:30:36

How was your anomaly scan, Pizdets? Good news, I hope.

Pizdets Thu 16-May-13 08:44:35

Thanks so much for remembering! Had the scan on Monday with a lovely consultant who was part of our care last time. He was quick but thorough and talked us through everything. As far as hecan see iit's all looking good!

I'm 21 weeks today and last night was kept awake by the little bugger rolling around in there, so we know he's perky at least! Expect I'm going to have some kind of meltdown soon when I twig that this might actually be real, but trying to enjoy it for now.

How are you getting on? Will you/did you have a 16 week scan? Hope all going well.

Also hope kittens is getting some sleep and settling in well!

Piz

AliBingo Mon 20-May-13 18:56:10

Hello all

Hope you don't mind me tentatively joining your thread.

I posted at the beginning of March under a different name, BigCorrieFan (as had NC'ed for that thread), for help when my harmony results were positive for T21, and I had a TFMR on 16th March.

I am now desperate to be pregnant again, no idea if this is healthy or not, but it's how I feel. So I thought I'd pop in here and join you ladies.

It's great hearing about your pregnancies and babies - gives me hope!

Cheers
Ali

lostlove Tue 21-May-13 10:09:28

I'd like to join the thread too, if that's ok? It is so good to read all the happy stories.

AliBingo, I'm so sorry for your recent loss but glad to see you posting again here. How are you feeling?

I read your previous thread about a month ago; I was looking for information about medical termination because I was facing the same, although the reasons were different. I won't go into it all on this thread but it was, as you know, a very difficult thing to go through. I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk much about it yet anyway but will at some point, I think, because it's been so helpful to read about other women's experiences.

Unfortunately, for us there's a 50 per cent chance of recurrence so the decision about what to do next isn't easy to make, but I'm longing for another baby too.

AliBingo Tue 21-May-13 11:10:50

Hi lostlove, welcome.

I am doing ok thanks, I am not sure if I am blocking things out as I am really focused on getting PG again, I did pretty much cry non-stop for about 2 weeks after the harmony result so maybe I got a lot of it out of my system then.

Actually I think I am blocking because if I think about the baby we lost then I feel really sad and prefer not to think about it because it's just sad and can't be changed.

I am worried as we have a 1 in 50 chance of recurrence; sorry to hear yours is 50%, that sounds scary. Is there any chance of some sort of IVF and genetic screening, that's what the consultant told me we would be offered if we got another T21 result as our risk would then be far higher.

It really sucks doesn't it, I keep thinking, why me. Although I was well aware of fetal abnormalities and the various risks, so why not me I suppose.

Some of the lovely stories on this thread demonstrate that a happy ending is possible smile

StormBird Tue 21-May-13 13:31:50

BARGING IN for an annual post.

Hello Ladies, long time no speak.

As ever I do pop on to have a read and see how you are all getting on. Apologies for the lack of name checks but I'm up against it as I'm sneakily posting when I'm meant to be working.

Firstly hello to all the new posters including Alibingo and lostlove, I'm sorry your here, but it's a fab thread and very supportive. I've been on and off this thread since 2010 and have found so much comfort in the support these ladies give through tough times (and good time of course).

A Huge CONGRATULATIONS to Kittens, I was so pleased to read your news. you must be so in love with Alfie.

And Ghisalaine, congratulations with your Harmoney results. Fingers crossed for a smooth pregnancy.

Anyway quick selfish update - I'm 13+5 with DC2 (4th PG) had my 12 weeks scan at exactly 12 weeks and was delighted to discover a very healthy baby with a fully formed skull and brain so no Annencephally and to top it off my Downs result came out at 1:16000 - unbelievable considering our history. Just got to get through the 16 weeks scan when they will check the spine on June 5th and obviously the 20 week one too. But so far so good. I thought you all might like to know.

I'll pop on again and catch up some more soon.

Speak soon

Storm

lostlove Wed 22-May-13 00:02:00

Thank you for the welcome, StormBird, and congratulations on your pregnancy and good news. The feeling of getting through until the next reassurance is all too familiar but, as you say, so far so good smile I look forward to hearing your news on the 5th.

AliBingo, I feel like I did my grieving after the CVS result and in the week or so following the termination, and because the whole experience was so emotional and removed from normal life it seems like a dream somehow... I don't think I know how I'm feeling.

I think I might have ovulated or be about to (EWCM) which is unexpected because I thought it would take longer.

It's tempting to ttc but we haven't decided about our next step (yes, there is the option of IVF with pre-implantation diagnosis); even if we do ttc naturally, now is not the time really, despite the longing for a baby. At the very least, I want to have one proper period first. If I'm right about ovulating, it should be along in a fortnight.

You're right - this stuff sucks.

I've been here before, before I was a mother and for me, having a living child has made it easier to cope with in many ways. I hope your DC has (or have if you've more than one - I wasn't sure from your other thread) been a comfort to you too.

And you have a really, really good chance of everything being fine next time - hold on to that.

AliBingo Wed 22-May-13 16:59:46

Hi lostlove

I really identified with what you said about the time around CVS and termination feeling like a dream, I hadn't thought of it like that before but that's definitely a good way to describe it.

The consultant told me that I should wait until I have two periods before ttc again as there was otherwise a slightly increased risk of miscarriage because the womb lining isn't as good, but I haven't found anything like that on google. Quite a few people seem to have had a miscarriage and got pg again straightaway. For me it isn't now an issue as second AF has just arrived (another reminder I am not pg, sob). Think irst AF was 6 weeks after the termination.

I think I changed some details in my other thread so I wouldn't be recognised in real life, but I am so lucky to have a 10 month old daughter which has definitely made this situation easier as she is a great reason to want to carry on. Glad you are in the same situation.

What is your DH like with all this? Mine seems to have moved on and is optimistic about the future, it's kind of like all this stuff is just water under the bridge now for him, I think perhaps it is easier for the men as they aren't the ones experiencing it all firsthand.

You are right I guess, just need to hold on to hope for next time (if there is a next time. BTW I am a born pessimist!)

Hello to Stormbird and congrats on your pregnancy, will be thinking of you on 5 June and hoping all goes well (sure it will).

Bye for now

Ali

lostlove Sat 25-May-13 23:39:22

Gosh, it's taken me a while to get back to the thread...

Ali, interesting that you were told two periods - a nurse consultant told me they usually suggest one at her hospital. I don't know if there's research to back up either recommendation or whether it's just presumed to be a good idea to give the body a cycle or two to recover.

Anyway, the thought that every month I'm not pregnant is one during which I can prepare for pregnancy by being as healthy as possible (food, rest, pre-conception multivitamin) is some consolation. It feels more like doing something constructive, I suppose, rather than simply sitting around waiting.

I do think it's a different experience for the non-pregnant partner, but not necessarily easier - it can't be easy to see the woman you love going through a termination. But, yes, they don't have the physical experience of the pregnancy and its ending, so maybe it is easier for them to move on. I'm very grateful to DP though, because he's been there every step of the way, even when I've been impossibly difficult to live with at my lowest.

Holding on to hope is essential smile

LittlePoot Wed 05-Jun-13 14:57:48

Kittens my sweet-how are you doing? Catching 40 winks in a haze of sleepiness and sunshine I hope. I hope all's going well and Alfie is still worth the wait. Xxx

And how are all the pregnant people? Piz, stormbird and ghislaine? Hope all suitably round and overheated in this lovely weather.

Ali and lost-I hope you're both doing ok too? There's no right or wrong really in the trying again game so just go with whatever feels less wrong iyswim.

Havingkittens Wed 05-Jun-13 18:56:33

Not been on the thread for a while. Got my hands full with the little one! He is completely delightful, despite a few very sleepless nights this week. He's usually quite good sleep-wise though so I hope this is just a blip!

Bit of a sad week as my grandma died yesterday. She got to meet Alfie though which I think she was holding on for.

I hope everyone is well and enjoying the loooong awaited summer. Let's hope it sticks around for a bit.

Would also love to hear how the pregnant ones are doing. Well, I hope, and not too queazy, achey, knackered etc.

Lovely to hear from my fellow founder members and thanks for everyone's good wishes. Apologies for lack of personals. I have to do everything one handed and in a hurry at the moment!

xx

Pizdets Mon 10-Jun-13 16:58:29

Hi kittens, so sorry to hear about your granny. I bet meeting Alfie was a wonderful memory for her and hope your family is coping ok.

I'm (somehow) 25 weeks this week. Not sure where the last 9 weeks have gone but I'm feeling really well, stitch causing no problems so far and enjoying that mythical 2nd trimester energy and 'glow'. Just starting to worry about buying things now and getting organised!

Hope everyone else is ok and good luck to the ladies ttc. I found ttc after the tfmr very hard as the loss felt very recent, so I hope that you're doing ok and sending fertile thoughts your way!

Piz

AliBingo Mon 10-Jun-13 17:19:44

Lostlove, thanks for the comment re doing stuff rather than just waiting, I am going to try and adopt that positive attitude from now on! Feel like I am a TTC nutcase though with all my preconception vitamins etc!

Good to hear from everyone else too. Piz I am glad the stitch went well and can't believe you are 25 weeks already, when we first "spoke" you were about half that! The final trimester will fly by so you had better get shopping!

Cheers

Ali

ghislaine Sun 16-Jun-13 11:50:01

Hello everyone, it's been a while! I have been quite sick these last few weeks with recurring stomach bugs. I was even sent to A&E by the out of hours doc to be put on a drip overnight as I had severe dehydration. Sick me, sick baby, sick nanny - it was a complete nightmare. Plus I have had two UTIs already in the last two months. Hopefully we have all turned a corner and I can start functioning normally again!

My 20 week scan went well, everything was present and correct so I have begun to feel that I can acknowledge this pregnancy might indeed result in a baby (another boy). I still haven't told a lot of people although I've a definite bump now. Occasionally I still have a little wobble about not having had the security blanket of the cvs. I am a real belt and braces, leave nothing to chance type, I guess. I haven't told my parents yet because I am trying to stave off the inevitable visit and ensuing awfulness. Unfortunately they are due to visit around the end of October anyway....

Welcome to Alibingo and lostlove, it's very normal to be desperate to be pregnant again but also to be terrified of being pregnant again.

And a big hello to Stormbird! So pleased to hear that things are progressing normally, I remember your other thread where you weren't sure whether to even go ahead or not, so it's great to hear from you and that the baby is doing well.

So sorry to hear about your grandmother, kittens. I'm sure she was holding out to meet Alfie, I think that is very common at the end of life. Does his name have a family connection?

fluffyraggies Thu 20-Jun-13 11:32:19

Hi all x

If anyone remembers me i used to be Misty0.

Waves to Mrs.B, Can't, Cherry, Flower, Ghislaine and a few others too smile

I had a termination for abnormalities back in 2010. Still haven't ever really gotten over it, but this board was my lifeline for months back then, and i was a frequent ramble on'er poster.

28 cycles of ttc later - i'm pregnant again. We'd all but given up. 9 weeks and 1 day today. JOY. Unimaginable joy.

But hanging over DH and i now is a 1:20 chance of DS and heart defects again. I feel like a huge old wound which had barely started to heal has been ripped open again.

I have to wait till the 12th July for my nuchal scan. Every day is a struggle.

I'm so glad to see this thread is continuing to give support. I'm bewildered that i'm here again.

ghislaine Thu 20-Jun-13 20:42:57

Oh misty/fluffy, that's great news that you are pregnant again, but I'm so sorry to hear about your risk profile. Is this 1:20 a prediction based on the previous problems, or have you already had some scans? I got 1:46 when I went for a private consultation at 9 weeks, which did shock me a bit.

Have you thought about the Harmony test? You can have that as early as 10 weeks. I found this information page quite useful, although I have to say it hasn't given me the complete peace of mind I thought it would. Are you able to bring your nuchal forwards? I've had my subsequent ones at 11+3 and 11+0.

Anyway, you know we're here to hold your hand.

fluffyraggies Fri 21-Jun-13 09:37:40

Thank you Ghislaine ((hug)) smile

I asked my midwife yesterday about bringing the nuchal forward, but she said it's happily within NHS range as they like to perform it between 11+5 and 12+6. I'll be 12+3 by then. So no basically.

Followed your link and been Googling. The London FMC seems to be the cheapest for the Harmony test - £580. The clinics local to me are all £750+. Eek. If i have the Harmony at 10ish weeks I should have their results by 12ish. If it looks bad i could ask for an invasive test on the NHS straight away. CVS is from 10 weeks.

If i stick with the NHS plan i have now i wont even have had my nuchal by 12 weeks.

sigh. sorry everyone. i've done no personals. i'm just thinking out loud here. i didn't want to do the private clinic route again, for cost reasons and for the fact that i fell ''off the radar'' for any support, before and after my termination, from the NHS when i had a private scan nuchal scan last time.

DH will baulk at the cost as well.

What to do ......... ?

fluffyraggies Fri 21-Jun-13 09:40:05

Oh and my risk was given to me by a lovely consultant/berevement coucellor at Northants hospital when she scanned me last week. My midwife had refered me to her as i managed to cry 3 times during my booking in appt. with her at my local docs!

blush

I think it's just based on my age plus the fact it's happened before.

fluffyraggies Fri 21-Jun-13 10:36:05

OK booked it! £180 for the blood test plus 12 week scan shockgrin

DH 100% on board.

Thank you to this thread once again. Can you tell me about your Ghislaine? Why do you feel you haven't got peace of mind? x

ghislaine Fri 21-Jun-13 14:22:22

That is good news. I hope it all goes well for you. £180 is not so bad when you think you are saving a fortnight's worth of worry!

My situation was a little different - I had my scan in the FMU at the hospital where I have booked for all three pregnancies (same standard as the FMC) and then had a meeting with the consultant afterwards. I'd already seen this consultant privately a couple of weeks beforehand to talk through my options. At that earlier meeting basically what he told me was that the Harmony people cannot give a 100% accuracy guarantee due to licensing/litigation issues in the US. Everything was clear, no soft markers, and my bloods were in the right ratios this time. I can't tell you much more about my scan because we had the screen turned off! I did hear the heartbeat, which I do still find very distressing (my first baby also had heart issues as well as T21) and at my 20 week scan, which was done by the same consultant, I was quite surprised that he didn't listen to the heartbeat. We asked him about that and he said he didn't need it, and it was only for the benefit of the parents. We pretty quickly declined his offer to listen to it. I don't know if that's the case for you, but it might help to know that it's another option available to you at a scan.

Because they were running late that day and only do cvs in the morning, I'd missed out on the opportunity to have it that day, plus due to the position of my placenta, I was going to have to have cvs vaginally which they weren't too keen on, given the lack of risk factors. (That said, they did also say that as I'd had a previous trisomy pregnancy, they would never deny me cvs if I asked for it, regardless of what my risk was.)

So what I did was then to go to this consultant's private practice that afternoon (the Harley St Centre for Women) and have my blood taken for the Harmony. This was then sent with the NHS scan report to the US for testing. I got the results about 10 days later. I think most people would be satisfied with a 1:10 000 risk result ie negative for Down's (and there were no problems indicated at my 20 week scan either). My problem not with the Harmony test, it's that I feel almost fated to have something go wrong and so can't quite believe it might be alright. With Charles I was afraid even as I was going into hospital that he would be stillborn, I felt as if I wasn't "allowed" to have a baby. You probably don't have these issues!

fluffyraggies Fri 21-Jun-13 18:43:20

Bless you xxx I do have exactly those same issues. I understand you completely. My reasons (deep down and between you and me) for wanting a good accurate early result is partly because i want the baby to be ok, of course, but mostly because i am keen to be able to organise a surgical termination rather than have to go through a chemical one sad sad I'm 95% (or even 99.9%) convinced it will be bad news from the results. Again.

How awful.

I agree about £180. I was prepared to go into the £500's. I was chuffed when the lady on the phone at the FMC said it was only 180 for the Harmony plus the 12w scan 2 weeks later ... as long as your first visit is before 11 weeks.

This is helping me enormously by the way. I've not been able to be completely open about my feelings regarding the screening with DH. It upsets us both to talk too much about it all.

ghislaine Fri 21-Jun-13 22:28:29

My private consultant's appointment was mostly about me asking morbid questions like "how late can I have a surgical termination on the NHS?" (15 weeks apparently, depending on whether the few surgeons skilled enough are around) and "if I have to have a termination, will my previous c-section make any difference?" (no), and grilling the consultant about the likelihood of false negative result from the Harmony. I had early nuchals for exactly the same reason you mention.

My husband has only just started to talk about the possibility of this baby arriving. Before the anomaly scan, he really didn't want to be too positive about it or even talk about it really. At the scans he looked so grey and drawn. I still sometimes think that my luck has/will run out. Not very rational, me.

fluffyraggies Sun 23-Jun-13 11:39:43

Your poor DH. Mine is step dad to my 3 teen DDs, he has no children of his own. When i fell with our first baby, 2 years ago, he missed the 10 week dating scan as he was working. It was just a dating scan and we were both a bit blaze about things that time. I was on cloud 9 when i walked out of the scan room that day. Oh blissful ignorance!

Therefore his very first experience of a scan was at the 12 week nuchal. I could clearly see the gap at the back of the baby's neck and lack of nasal bone and was lying there waiting for the consultant to break it to us. Heart breaking to hear DH excitedly talking about the baby's arms and legs ect. He had forgotten all about the point of the scan and was so excited. I lay there feeling so guilty and sad. I'll never forget those moments.

When it was time for the 8 week dating scan this time, a couple of weeks ago, DH moved heaven and earth to be there for it. We saw the heart beat and the basic shape of baby, and that was lovely. He was all serious and subdued though sad I managed to cry in the middle of it. Bad memories.

There's nothing anyone can say that really helps is there? Except to let you know that your feelings are normal and you're not the only one feeling this way. Men don't share their feelings as easily i don't think. I think DH is trying to be strong. Bless him.

ghislaine Sun 30-Jun-13 22:56:06

Is it your Harmony test this week, fluffy? Good luck with it all.

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