Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 4(637 Posts)
Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to concieve after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:
Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
Linspins Franklin 22/01/10
Shangrila baby boy 01/02/10
Can'tdothisagain Babycan't 12/04/10
Katerina100 baby boy 06/10
NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
Allstarsprincess Frank 30/07/10
Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
GinaFB Alexander 03/01/11
LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
Coffeeandchocolate Coffeebean 22/02/11
Rushingrachel Oliver 02/03/11
Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
Lisbeth Salander - baby boy 7/11
Stormbird George 24/07/11
Sarahmia baby girl 25/07/11
Eavers Jacob 11/08/11
Grandj Eliot 01/09/11
Babylily Miles 05/09/11
NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
Cherrybug Kade 02/11/11
Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
Just wanted to add a huge congratulations to Bezzyk, and to your DH for playing midwife!!! Hope you are all settling in well.
Mrsbigz, wishing the time past so Callum can come home with you. Glad the feeding is going well
Hope all you other lovely ladies are well? Sienna is now 4 1/2 months old, rolling, teething, babbling and generally making day times so much more fun. The girls are still in love with her as are we. Just wish we could all shift this rotten winter cold.
Oops just posted this on the old thread so here we go again. Super intro natz - i feel so incredibly proud to have been part of this thread
Ahh Bezzy what a wonderful story - you brought a tear to my eye then! So happy for you all!
Congrats also to Bluecat. Just take each day at a time, easier said that done i know but coming on here is a great support.
Good luck with your appointment Kittens - let us know how it goes?
All good here, Felix is WIRED - like a wind up toy on acid! He is uber determined, impatient, short tempered and down right stubborn but also the happiest little guy in town Oh and commencing TTC in the not too distant future!
Lovely introduction Natz - looking forward to seeing the list grow and grow. Sounds like you're hoping to help with that then Katie?! Not sure we're quite ready to relive those first few newborn weeks just yet. I know its well worth it in the end, but I value my sleep too much to TTC again for a while! Glad to hear Felix is doing well. I could describe Jacob pretty much the same way. They're funny to watch aren't they? Fascinating to watch how they learn to do stuff. Jacob's developed his own special way of moving around on his belly or kneeling up and 'walking' on his knees. No interest in proper crawling and very little interest in standing up or walking like the rest of us. Who knows where that came from, but he's happy. Sounds like Sienna's doing really well too Natz, well done! And lovely that your older girls are joining in.
Anyway, I only stopped in to bookmark the thread from the sparkly new laptop I treated myself to yesterday, so I'd better get back to the washing up.... Hope everyone else is well and hope kittens gets on ok. xxxxx
What a lovely long list! I hope it provides some reassurance to those about to embark or currently on the scary journey of pregnancy. And it will be lovely to see that list grow and grow as it undoubtedly will.
Congratulations Bezzy, what a fab birth story! I hope you're enjoying these early days with your new little lady.
MrsBigz - sounds like your wee man is coming on leaps and bounds. Great to hear. Will look forward to your post when you announce his homecoming. Hopefully not very far away.
Ghislaine - glad the end is in sight re your parents! How is everything going?
Congratulations to Bluecat. I remember you from the sister thread and it's lovely to see you here. I know it's scary but we are all here to handhold and reassure when we can.
All good here. Kades doing great, still mellow and mega cute. Feeding going well which Im delighted with after the problems I had with DD. Still doesn't sleep for more than 3 hours at a time but I don't really mind!
Hi to everyone else!
Ha LP - know what you mean about the sleep. If we are lucky enough to have another baby though i feel confident that i could get through it this time IYSWIM. Jacob sounds awesome - would be great to get them together again now they are a bit older so let me know if you are ever down this way.
Hi cherrybug - glad Kade is doing well, jealous of his mellowness!! Felix has a little sofa thing of his own and when i say 'relax' he goes and flops back on it and say's 'ahhhhh' but only for 3 seconds at a time, he doesn't quite get the concept of relaxing yet . Well done with the feeding xx
Marking my place on the new thread. I love the "list of hope", may this thread continue to offer support and comfort!
Congratulations Bluecat, day by day, it's the only way forward. And Bezzy, oh my God, what a birth story! Congratulations, and I hereby declare that your DH will no longer be Captain C(ondom), but Captain M(idwife)!
Katie, so now we're all watching this space I loved your description of Felix, he sounds a lot like Coffeebean, who is however not short tempered (yet), but I can see this coming. He just doesn't stop, ever, and man, the "talking"... he is so smiley and just points at everyone when we're out and about, then grins at them when he gets their attention. I can't believe he's one next week, it's bittersweet, where did the newborn days go? At the same time, so exciting to see him grow and understand more.
Today it's 2 years since we lost Silvia and I can't believe we are in such a different place than last year, when I was hoping and praying I'd bring a healthy baby home! I am sad, but it's a different sadness, a settled one, an accepting one. I can't imagine my life without my little boy, and this makes it easier to accept what was before.
I am rarely posting these days, but I am reading and thinking of you all. I wonder where Mishta and Cantdo are, I hope all is well.
sorry for the very short post but just wanted to let you all know that Callum is BACK HOME!!!!!! we got
released discharged yesterday late afternoon so have had a whole day back together as a family. He seems to have settled in well, and feeding is still going well (although am doing on demand rather than the scheduled every 3 hrs they have in SCBU!). DS1 and 2 are being really cute with him - keep wanting to stroke his head and/or kiss him - which melts my heart! thanks for all the support you ladies have given me, both through this pregnancy and also the past 5 weeks with his early arrival. can't believe he's 4 weeks old today!!?
will be back soon for a proper personals post, but just thought you'd all like to know the latest update xxxxxx
Very fleeting post as trying to
wrestle put the kids to bed.
Congratulations Mrsbigz! So glad Callum is finally home. Lovvely to hear how well he has settled in and am very happy the breast feeding is going well.
Coffee - lovely to hear from you, I hope yesterday was not too bad. I think every anniversary will be sad, but as you say, a different kind of sad. I look at Sienna sometimes and wonder if everything with Cara was just a really bad dream. I was thinking about Cara yesterday and thinking about what life would have been like if she had been able to be with us, and I realised that we would not have had Sienna if she had. Not that that makes loosing Cara any better, but I am so thankful for Sienna and just couldn't imagine our family without her in it.
Big wave to everyone else. Kittens, thinking of you lots xx
Hello all, I haven't posted on here for ages. I have been lurking occasionally though. I just came on to say Thankyou all for your wonderful support since 2009. Without you I think mentally I would have been in a much worse space.
I have just finished a set of counseling sessions and feel like things have really moved on for me. (Sorry, this is sounding so selfish). The reason for my post is to thank you all... as stated above!
Without you lovely, supportive, non-judgmental, open, kind and wonderful ladies getting to where we are now would have been much harder. DH and I have decided to finish our family chapter and we have an appointment on the 28th of this month for his vasectomy. I hope this doesn't come across as weird but I am posting it here to show that there is hope for everyone. We had a whole raft of issues and managed to overcome them to get to a point whereby we feel happy (wrong word but not sure what to replace it with) and in control of our fertility and family making choices again.
Must dash, littlestar is currently tackling bigger star to get at a toy. Waves to all.
This is the first time I post in this thread. I had a termination in december because of a chromosomal abnormality. Just a few days ago I got a positive pregnancy test. I'm happy of course but I can't help worrying. The abnormalities were not hereditary but I'm worried already anyway. If I'm in week 4 now CUB and CVS is several weeks away, how can I stop worrying in the meantime?
hi glad to see the new thread. I too feel like I have moved on massively since I joined the last thread - allstar we are in a similar place to you and dh is awaiting the snip! I am both sad and pleased at the same time.
Hello linn welcome to the thread. I dont think you will be able to help worrying through this pregnancy to be honest. I personally tried to blot out all thought of 'having a baby' and just thought of it as a pregnancy as much as was possible. I didn't dream or think about how it would be when the baby was out and found it hard to consider what sex it might be. I suppose that helped me to not bond too much in the womb in case it happened again. I also tried to take it a step at a time but sometimes that's easier said than done. If possible I suppose you can enjoy the fact that the conception bit is out of the way.
Hope everyne is well. congratulations on getting callum home. x
A very quiet congratulations! I agree with Manitz, you probably wont stop worrying throughout this pregnancy. I had a termination in Sept 2010 due to a heart defect which meant baby would not survive, and she also had Turners Syndrome, both of which were just bad luck and unlikely to reoccur in future pregnancies. It was my 3rd pregnancy and the problems were detected at the 12 week scan so the termination was just 3 weeks later.
I fell pregnant again in Jan 2011 and throughout my entire pregnancy there was very few days that I didn't worry about one thing or another with regards to the pregnancy and our baby. Our gorgeous little girls was born 4 days late on the 26th Sept. Compared to my first two pregnancies, our 4th was by far the most stressful, for no other reaon than the fact we had experienced the loss of our 3rd baby.
I didnt tell anyone other than DH and GP in real life that I was pregnant - I told the ladies on this thread straight away for moral support! Nobody knowing IRL made it easier to carry on as normal and even occassionally forget that I was pregnant. With 2 older children it was easy to keep myself occupied and busy.
I hope the wait for your scan goes quickly and smoothly. Keep us posted and pop on here as much as you feel you need/want to, we all know what you're going through x
Hello all, rubbish day here! Just been made redundant bit crap timing soon as we have just bought a house and are hemorrhaging money on all the building work it needs before we move in (whilst also paying rent on our flat as well as the new mortgage!) and also considering we are going to start TTC next month. ho hum.
Linn- welcome! like the others have said i don't think there is much you can do to stop the worry but i hope the long list of thread babies helps a bit coming on here for some hand holding is also a big help.
Coffee - lovely to hear from you. Coffee bean sounds exactly like Felix who is also a crazy smiley thing.
Mrsbigz - super news you are out of hospital with Callum - keep enjoying that lovely cuddly stage, oh gosh am getting so broody!
Allstars - hi, thanks for the lovely post and lovely to hear from you
Kittens - how you doing? did your appointment go well? xxx
Lots of love to everyone else xxx
especially hello to cherrybug, natz, ghislaine, manitz, and mrsbigz. I have often thought about you all and wondered how you were getting on, its been nice to catch up reading on here. I was begining to think I would never make it over here. But I got my BFP on my third cycle of clomid. I had a scan yesterday so its all feeling very real as got to see the heartbeat as 7 weeks. Now trying not to worry too much on what seems like a long road till 12 weeks.
love to everyone xx
Oh Flower!!!!! i just popped on and this message has completely made my day!! many congratulations - it is SOO lovely to see you over here, i've often wondered how you are getting on, yet feel awkward posting on the sister thread sometimes. Hope the time passes quickly to your 12wk scan and that you have a healthy and uneventful pregnancy!
hi to everyone else, sorry for lack of personals, was only just skim-reading but saw Flowers post and had to respond! xxxx
Flower!!!! I'm SO delighted to see you here. What good news! I know it's early days and you'll be worrying like mad but fingers crossed for a very uneventful pregnancy. Good luck for the 12 week scan.
MrsBigz - great you have your wee fella home, hope he's settling into Chez Bigz well! What an ordeal for you, glad its behind you.
Katie sorry to hear about redundancy. Rubbish! These things often come at the worst time, I got made redundant when I was pregnant with my DD which was awful because it meant no mat pay and I couldnt get another job as I was pregnant. But it all worked out in the end and I'm sure it will with you. Good luck.
Linn - as others have said, lots of handholding here through the journey. Congratulations and take one step at a time.
Kittens - thinking of you and hope your appointment went well.
Natz - glad all is well with your family. I know what you mean about being so thankful for Sienna and not being able to imagine your family without her now. I look at Kade and think how he is a pure joy that has come from such a sorrow. I'm very grateful for him.
Ghislaine - how are you getting on? Have you hung the flags out to herald your parents departure? Hope you're enjoying some peace and quiet now.
All good here, we've finally got around to planning our wedding and have set a date for September. So the pressure is on to lose weight and get organised. Natz - when is your wedding? Are you all prepared?
Hi to Grandj, Babylily, Manitz, Coffee and everyone else. Hope all is well!
A very fleeting stop in (Sienna finally asleep after the evil toothy-pegs have been causing her much pain and discomfort, and they aren't even close to coming through yet!!), just wanted to say a congratulations to Flower!!! Wonderful wonderful news
I hope the wait for the 12 week scan isn't too stressful, I look forward to hearing an update soon enough xxx
Cherry, Congratulations on setting the date! We get married in just over 6 weeks (11th April) and am nowhere near the size/shape I wanted to be but the dress looks lovely and hides my wobbly bottom very well. All prepared other than that!
Katie, so sorry to hear about the redundancy. How rubbish! Hopefully you will be able to find something else quickly. If not, gives you more energy for TTC
Hi to everyone else, sorry for lack of personals xx
Hi everyone. Congratulations Flower! great news. And Linn, welcome.
It's wedding thread as well as baby thread it would seem! Good luck Natz. What will the girls be wearing to the wedding?
Happy birthday Coffeebean! Can't believe he and Jacob are one already. Where does the time go... and Katie, I'm sorry about the redundancy. Hope you find something soon -and as for ttc, good luck with that too. Exciting you have something to take your mind off the job but appreciate you want/need another one asap so fingers firmly crossed for you!
Good that Callum is home now! He has done so well.
Hi to Allstars; it's been ages... your DS must be nearly two like Babycant. Family complete here, too. I couldn't go through pregnancy again; just the thought of an anomaly scan brings me out in a cold sweat.
Babycant is a real character - never stops talking, even in her sleep. I wonder where she gets that from...
Hi to everyone else. Kittens, thinking of you.
WHERE IS MISHTABEL? Thinking of you, too.
Hello all, am new to this thread although I have posted in this topic area before and had huge help and support a couple of month ago when I was struggling with the terrible guilt of a termination for T21 last summer. Am finally expecting DC2 after a rocky road of 2 mmcs and the termination all since DS (who is nearly 2 and a half). We were totally thrilled to get a low risk result from the nuchal tests etc, decided not to have a CVS and are trying to move forward with a smile, having got safely past all the points where we have lost babies in the past. We have finally been able to tell people the news and start to believe it ourselves. I am 41 and have been diagnosed with low fertility so we were not sure we'd ever get to this point.
What I wanted to ask though was about people's reactions to hearing the news. Where people know a bit about what we have been through, I have had mainly very cautious reactions - "oh, okay, er ..." - and I have had to spell it out to people that all is fine and we are happy. It doesn't really matter and I can understand it, but it did take the wind out of my sails the first few times, particularly when we are trying not to worry. Has anyone else had this?
tbh I reacted to my own pregnancy like your friends i found people too optimistic for me if anything and would have to brush aside their reassurances that everything was bound to be alright. guess everyone is different but just try and ignore them and feel how you want. congratulations by the way, rushing b4 battery runs low
Ahh, I've found you all!
Sorry, just paying a fleeting visit, as usual so apologies for lack of personals. Although I did want to say congratulations to Natz and Cherry for your impending nuptuals! Very exciting!
Lovely to hear from Allstars. Glad you are feeling good and settled.
Katie, bugger! You poor thing! What awful timing .
Hello and lots of love to all the rest of you lovely people.
The latest with me is that I have been on my first cycle of Letrozole and Ovitrelle ovulation trigger shot, which is known as "Super Ovulation" treatment. The idea to to try and get 2-3 eggs out a month to give me a better chance to getting a BFP. My consultant didn't even seem that phased by the mention of scarring at my scan. He has put me on a drug, which is actually an HRT drug, to build up my womb lining and it has done the job just fine apparently. I am also using progesterone supplements (suppositories -Mmmmm!) from mid cycle to lengthen my luteal phase. So, all good fun! I've been going through a bad patch recently. The loss of my mum has really just hit me quite badly in the last couple of weeks, which alongside the side effects of all the hormones and steroids are really making me feel pretty miserable. Also my grandma has been getting worse, literally by the day, with her dementia which is also really hard as I am very close to her. This is why I'm not really posting much these days as I am so swamped by all the stuff that's been going on here that I find it hard to keep up with what's going on with everyone else. I feel bad just coming on and banging on about myself and not giving much back.
Hello again, thanks Cant, girls are wearing ivory dresses with burgundy sashes and flower petals in the skirt (BHS kids clothing) and my bigger bridesmaids wearing burgundy satin dresses. Can't wait for the day to be here so I can stop stressing put over everything!
FindingItTricky - congratulations! We had mixed reactions from friends and family which as you said takes the wind out of your sails as the excitement is there for you. We learnt to ignore the negative reactions as it was hard enough trying not to think about the 'what ifs' without others voicing their concerns. I wish you a happy non-eventful pregnancy
Kittens, lovely to hear from you, I'm sorry things are so rough with you at the moment with regards to your nan and dealing withyour grief too. Ambery pleased to hear the treatment is doing what it should though, really hope this leads to a happy announcement soon.
It's the anniversary of Caras due date today, have not found it too bad to be honest. We are going out tomorrow to get a trinket box to put the rose from her funeral in, it's still on the shelf in the dining room untouched since the funeral. The girls are getting bigger and like to examine everything so we have decided to grind it up and keep it in a box. Lit a candle and had a few glasses of wine and thought a lot about her and how far we've come in 17 months.
Off to bed now to welcome in my hangover (get one just from smelling wine these days!)
night all xx
natz i thought you were doing some morning drinking and realised it was a midnight post. i think it's a great idea to have a momento like that of cara.
Kittens Its nice to hear from you but I'm sorry you are not further on in the conception process and that things are tough for you emotionally at the moment. I think the first stage of grief takes about a year (from what i remember from counselling) and it is still very early days for you. I feel Im quite good at the whole grieving thing having lost my sister and various relatives over the years but I cannot imagine losing my mum as it is such a key relationship and i guess that it's a loss you don't ever truly get over. I hope it becomes easier for you to bear over time.
Actually I've been thinking about my sister a lot recently as she was 7 when she was knocked down and 8 when she died (and this was 24 years ago so i suppose it doesn't disappear), my daughters are 7 and 9 and I guess their ages and the fact that I have to let them walk on their own soon/now brings it home a bit I am being as adult and sensible as possible about it all and the oldest is getting her freedom a bit now. x on a lighter note babyman is doing very well and gaining weight although he has dropped way down the chart he is now following the bottom line and is starting on purees etc now.
Hi everyone! Sorry for my absence. All good here, just had ongoing issues with 15yr old DD mainly, which now seem to be sorted. If I start about that now though, this'll end up a mile long, so I'll leave it for another day.
I had sooo much to catch up on..
First and foremost, Kittens, I was so sorry to read about your Mum's passing. I thought of you on Christmas Day, as I have many times since, and reading through, I just can't believe what a rough time of it you've had. I remember in one of my last posts, I assured you we'd be here for you if you needed, and then I go AWOL for a couple of months I'm just glad the other lovely ladies were here for you.
The saying that comes to mind when I think of you is 'Its always darkest before the dawn'. Well your dawn must surely be just around the corner!
As for your Grandma, dementia is probably the one illness where the families of the person affected usually suffer more than the person themselves. I used to work in a dementia-specific unit, and while I loved working there, you'd really feel for the families when they'd come to visit. The confusion and hurt they'd be feeling was almost palpable.
I hope with all my heart (as soppy as that sounds) that baby-wise at least, things turn around for you very soon, although I know it won't take the pain away of losing your mum, and slowly losing your grandma. Everything possible crossed for you here. And PLEASE, don't apologise about the lack of personals. I think I can speak for everyone when I say we understand and are just glad that you keep in touch and us updated on what's happening with you.
Thanks Shangrila and everyone else for the birthday wishes for Bella. Let's just say, she had a very Dora birthday. She is currently a bit annoyed at me because I won't let her cut my hair with her scissors (speaking from experience, safety scissors DO cut hair) so she's cutting Barbie's hair instead. I will have to put an updated photo up on my profile next time I'm on the computer. I thought of you all on her birthday, and how this place was such a support for me when she was ill. Brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it. Would love for us all to have our own FB page to share photos etc
Birthday wishes straight back to your little boy Shangrila if you're reading (did we ever have a 'pet' name for him?), and of course to Franklin. And also for Babycant, whose is just around the corner. Big 1st birthday wishes to Coffeebean and Jacob! Hasn't time just flown?!
Congratulations to all the new mummies! Mrsbigz, so glad all worked out well in the end. You certainly have had an eventful time of it. So glad he's home with you all now.
Ghislaine, on the safe, and, for this thread, uneventful arrival of Charles - although 'uneventful' sounds wrong for such a momentous event as a birth, but I'm sure you know what I mean
Bezzy! What a birth story - I couldn't believe it! Just beautiful, though I'd imagine it must have been quite dramatic at the time. And yes, definitely need a new nn for CaptC
MyAngelAva, what bittersweet timing Isabella's birth was - a gift from Ava xx
Hope I haven't forgotten anyone. Did we hear from Gillian?
A warm welcome to Linn, Flower, FindingItTricky and Bluecat (not positive if you've 'popped in' before or not), and congratulations to you all. No advice on how to get through the early days without worrying, except to keep busy and take it day by day. Actually, I think I worried more as time went on (sorry, not real helpful there). But, worry or not, the days will tick over and eventually you'll get there. This is a great place to unload those worries though, with those that have been there, and understand the madness of it all.
Manitz, that is so sad about your sister - I'm not sure I knew about that before. Without meaning to be nosy, can I ask how old you were at the time? You're right of course, no matter how much time passes, when we lose someone so important to us, it doesn't disappear. Might get easier over time, but never disappears. I think it would be sadder though if it did.
(On a lighter note, we found out a couple of days ago that Bella ISN'T allergic to cocoa, which we thought she might be. At least now she'll be able to have dairy-free Easter eggs this year. So happy )
Katie, so sorry to hear about your redundancy. Hopefully it'll be a case of when one door closes, another door opens. I checked out your wedding photos - just beautiful - you, the setting, the men in your life. Makes me want to get married :D Good luck with the TTC (DH is another on the list for the snip - if he's ever at home long enough to actually have it done)
I'm going to wrap this up now, before it gets any longer, though I'm sure there's lots more I haven't mentioned. A big hello to Cant, Coffee, Natz. Littlepoot and everyone that I haven't mentioned. I do think of you all, especially on a Friday and Sunday night when I'm watching Escape to the Country and 60 Minute Makeover - I love them!
Love to you all, and I promise not to be a stranger in the future xxx
(Apologies for any typos - my phone has a shattered, not just cracked - shattered - screen. Can barely see, though can't bring myself to send it away to be fixed. Sad, I know)