to speak to the class teacher about dd's part being pulled out of the Christmas play?

[Plonker]

Ok, dd is gutted and I admit that this may be clouding my judgement, so I'm coming to the only place that I know I'll get an absolute straight answer!

Dd has been chose to play Mary in the Christmas Play - it is the first and only time she has ever been cast in one of the main roles. She is 9.

She had one line to say and one of only two solos in the whole play to sing - she was utterly ecstatic to be chosen!

She has practised every night, she sings it round the house, in the bath, in the garden and has told everyone that she's singing solo - she's so proud of herself.

So, now to get to the point, she's come home from school absolutely gutted. Her teacher has pulled her solo out of the play (although she still has one line to say). Her teacher told her that the reason is that the children who are singing chorus to her cannot do it properly

I think it's really out of order and totally unnecessary - it's a school play ffs, why can't she let dd have her 2 mins of fame?

I'm quite annoyed about it really - I want to go to speak to her teacher on Monday and explain that dd has worked so hard on this and is so upset that it's been pulled.

I don't know what I expect her to do ...actually I don't think she'll do anything, but I want her to know that I think it's unacceptable!

So, AIBU?

You can tell me ...I can take it ...

I have to nip out now, but I'll be back to reply later

[Knownowt]

I would say something, yes.

[AKMD]

YANBU The teacher probably knows that your DD is excited about it but not how hard she has worked - I would go an tell her and ask if she can change her mind. TBH who cares how well children sing? All the parents think it's cute anyway and the kids don't notice if they're out.

[TotalChaos]

yanbu.

[olderandwider]

Hi, I think YABU a bit. Children are pretty resilient and your DD, whilst disappointed, will soon forget about it. I wouldn't talk to the teacher - she's running the show and has her reasons for what she did, even if they seem unfair to your DD (and you). If the chorus is really terrible, perhaps your daughter would get more upset if they messed up her big moment?

Anyway, I would just give her a big hug, say what a shame, but that she will still get to say her line, and be Mary (starring role after all) and there will be more chances in the future.

[EvilTwins]

Oh dear, sounds like the teacher thinks she's directing at the National rather than putting on a school nativity play. Poor DD, OP. That's really awful. Yes, speak to the teacher. Explain how excited DD has been and how upset she was when she was told she wouldn't be able to sing her solo. If you can do it without getting cross or emotional, even better. I agree with AKMD - no parent is going to care that the children singing the chorus aren't doing it "right" - surely at this age taking part is far more important than dramatic or operatic perfection.

[TheMightyToosh]

I think this is so cruel and YANBU - I would definitely be in to see the teacher.

They should be able to find another way to sort out the problem - maybe just choose those members of the chorus who can do it properly rather than scarp the whole thing!

Your poor DD! Things like that can stay with a child - you'd think a teacher would know that!

[positiveattitudeonly]

Oh I can't offer advise, but I just know that if it was my DD I would go and speak to the teacher and discuss different options with her.

I hope you can collect thoughts together over the weekend, so that you can do something calmly on Monday. Is the chorus needed? If they are the problem, why "punish" your DD with pulling her glory?

These plays are such a cause for trouble and bad feeling. I am sure they are an absolute nightmare for the teachers, but they do need to be fair. If your DD has practiced and learnt her part well, then she should be allowed to perform it.

Good luck!! Hope she isn't upset all weekend!

[LadyTeasmaid]

YANBU. But she is still Mary! Top role! Perhaps if you talk to teacher, but still big up your DD, don't let her see your dissapointment.

[Morloth]

Nativity Plays are really serious here aren't they? It is a whole new world!

[TheMightyToosh]

My suggestion on selecting a reduced chorus made on the assumption that the chorus will all be singing more than just one song, so no-one from the chorus will end up having their only song pulled.... argh

[Wispabarsareback]

YANBU. What a shame for your DD. I'd say something to the class teacher - but then I'm not the sort of person who can ever let anything lie.

[upahill]

I wouldn't poke my nose into be honest. It is heartbreaking when something disapointing happens in your child's life. I am dealing with something now that has realy upset DS1- However the leason has to be learnt that sometimes shit happens and mum can't always fix it.

Personally I would (and have) said something along the lines of 'That's a bit rubbish- Are you disapointed' (them -'Yes') 'Me too- Never mind, Chin up!!

The world is not going to stop turning because of a change of plan or a decision has gone against them.
I don't want to sound mean but I don't want to mollycoddle either. She'll live

[BalloonSlayer]

"Her teacher told her that the reason is that the children who are singing chorus to her cannot do it properly"

Sorry to broach this Plonker, but is the teacher perhaps being diplomatic.? You've heard your DD singing - is it possible it's been pulled because of her performance?

[Blu]

I think I would mention it quietly and tactfully to the teacher, say how pleased you are that she has a part and you have noticed how her confidence has grown as a result, but that dd is feling very sad about her solo as she has been practising so hard, and if there si a chacne she can just do her bit it will kep that confidence going.

Don't go in complaining and annoyed.

[Acanthus]

In two years time her main memory will be of being Mary. Something to ponder along with everything else.

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

I think you AB a tiny bit U. Your dd is still the star of the show and she can sing her solo at christmas dinner. Imagine how gutted she'd be if she was part of the chorus and they pulled that song out.

[Plonker]

Thanks for replies

"Sorry to broach this Plonker, but is the teacher perhaps being diplomatic.? You've heard your DD singing - is it possible it's been pulled because of her performance?"

Um, yes, I actually think this maybe true - she's not a fantastic singer, but as others have said, does that really matter?
She's not awful-cover-your-ears either, so don't really think that should be an issue.

I take on board what you say - I know kids are resilient ...I just think it's unfair to give something to her and then take it away because she, or others around her, aren't classically trained singers.

It's a school Nativity play - it's not the Royal Variety Performance

[Plonker]

I will be calm, quiet and tactful ...honest

[grumpypants]

'It's a school Nativity play - it's not the Royal Variety Performance' - so maybe not kick up a fuss then? It's part of a million and one things, the solo bit isn't working - your dd is still Mary. Was it really you a bit thrilled at the singing solo? And you a bit upset now . Whent the National do this, sue for breach of contract.

[SarahSon]

I think you are right to mention it to the teacher, just in a "by the way, what happened, dd is really upset?" way not "oi how dare you axe my daughter" way (which I have heard said to teachers over things as silly as who goes in the 100m race on sports day .

Everyone is right, dissapointment is part of life - especially as a young child when things are so much more exciting (and so are much more important too) however these little dissapointments can and do stay with people. Whilst it is not a big thing if it cannot be changed, it would be a better thing if it can IYSWIM so I would give it a go, no harm in asking what happened and explaining dds POV!

[Plonker]

Thats a bit harsh grumpy pants - I was referring to the quality of the play not being the Royal Variety, that's not to say it's not important to my dd!

I wasn't thinking of kicking up a fuss - not at all. I was thrilled that dd was singing solo - I was thrilled because she was. And I'm upset about it now because dd is. Is that hard to understand?

How have you managed to make this about me?

[upahill]

Sarahson What's the point in having a 'by the way' type conversation going to achieve. The teacher has come to a decision and then Plonker goes in looking like an over protective neurotic mother.

I think Plonker - (sorry I hate saying that it sounds disrespectful) should teach her child that yes disapointment happens but she is still the star of the show.

Of course I feel like ranting and raving when things have gone hugely wrong for my children and as I said before I'm going through it now but not for one minute am I going to have a quiet word with another person or rant or anything. My heart is breaking for DS1 but I'm just being supportive and letting him talk when he's feeling pissed off.
Yes I agree with Plonker that it is unfair but get over it.

[Plonker]

Fair enough upahill

[Marne]

YANBU, i would say something, i think people take school plays a bit to seriously, it should be about the children having fun.

My dd1 (5.7) has got the part of Mary and i'm already worried as she has never had a part in a play. I just want her to enjoy it and not worry if she forgets her words.