To keep son of school because of bullying

[claw3]

Sorry another bullying thread.

Ds 5.5 started school in January 2009. He has SN's. He has come home almost every day telling me someone has hurt him. He has had his lunch taken from him by an older child who sits on his table 'the buddy scheme' she also went down his pockets and took the silly bits and pieces he had in his pocket. He has been bitten twice. Hit in the face and poked in the ear with a stick, causing cuts to his face and ear to name but a few of the incidents.

Since going back to school in September, he has been poked with a stick making his finger bleed, pushed down the stairs by a boy in year 4, strangled by a boy in year 3 leaving marks on his neck and is basically pinched, punched, pushed etc at every play time. They call him weirdo and shitty pants etc.

Its not just one kid, doing the bullying, it seems everyone is jumping on the bandwagon.

I realised verbally talking to teachers about these incidents was getting me no where, so i complained in writing on the 22nd of this month.

A meeting has been arranged on the 30th of this month, in the meantime the school are doing nothing and just asking me to wait until the 30th.

On Friday as i spoke to the teacher in the playground, my ds approached a girl from his class and tried talking to her, she was grabbing him by his coat, pushing and hitting him. I said to the teacher 'look' and she replied 'oh yes, rough play'!!!!!

I want to keep him off of school until the school assure me they can provide a safe environment?

[hullygully]

So would I. Poor kid.

[nickelbabe]

It sounds like they're not taking it seriously imo.
i would keep him off until at least after your meeting.

[herladyship]

oh my god! poor you, and poor ds..

of course you want to protect him

at the relaxed attitude of school to such nasty goings on

[Jamieandhismagictorch]

Your poor, poor boy.

This sort of thing would be taken extremely seriously at my DS inner-city school. It is NOT normal behaviour for children of this age.

I wish you luck.

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

I've just sorted out a bullying problem for my dd. I would definitely keep him off school until this is resolved. I would also be demanding to know why it would take that length of time before a meeting could take place. Eight days between complaint and meeting are ridiculous.

[Callisto]

Keep him off school. That isn't unreasonable in the slightest. And consider keeping him off school for good if you can manage it.

[2kidzandi]

Agree with Callisto, keep him off until it is resolved. Don't know your circumstances, but if you can possibly keep him out of school for good grab the chance.

[Marioandluigi]

YANBU, I would definately keep him off school. What kind of support do you get in school - Inclusion, SENCO etc?

[claw3]

Thanks ladies for the support, the school have a habit of making you feel like an over anxious mother.

Marioan - Ds is on the special needs action plus register at school, but receives no extra help from the school or outside agencies. I am currently fighting for an IEP to be put in place and have made an official complaint about the outside agencies, but thats another thread!

The meeting i have on the 30th is with the SENCO, OT, SALT and class teacher. I think they have finally realised he needs some help.

[claw3]

SENCO has just phoned me, apparently she saw ds after the strangling incident and is saying there were no marks on his neck as she checked and is suggesting that the marks were not related to this incident.

He had what i can only describe as something that resembled 'love bite' marks around his neck when he came out from school. His teacher had not mentioned anything to me about the incident and i noticed the marks on his neck in the playground and asked him what they were when i picked him up from school, when he told me a boy strangled him i took him straight back into school.

The sly bastards I have just told her to stop being so fucking petty and to get my son the help he needs to feel safe at play time.

[kitbit]

Insist. And make a bloody nuisance of yourself.

[claw3]

Stewie - I wrote a letter detailing all the incidents on the 22nd (not to LEA though) and i hand delivered a letter this morning, stating that if they didnt take action and provide ds with a safe environment i would be keeping him at home.

Hence the phone call from SENCO earlier. She must think im bloody stupid with her leading questions ie do i ask ds about these incidents or does he tell me (implying he is telling me what i want to hear and exaggerates and im an over anxious mum)

Apparently he had got the year 4 boys name wrong (this means it didnt happen)

I have steam coming out of my ears!!

[claw3]

Im stepping away from the keyboard for a coffee before i explode!

[Callisto]

Claw - sounds like an utter nightmare for you, especially with the school in denial about it. Have you considered home education for your son?

[claw3]

Callisto - To be honest, i have thought about it recently, but i have no idea how i would go about it. Tell me more if you can?

My only concern would be my son suffers from a social communicatin disorder as well as other problems and being at home would not equip him very well for the future and social interactions.

[ChazsBarmyArmy]

Have you asked for a copy of the schools anti bullying policy? Do they have a formal special needs policy as well? I would request these if you don't already have them so you can point to their own written guidelines for dealing with these incidents (and the fact that they are not following them).

Hope it gets resolved soon.

[Callisto]

Claw, your first stop should probably be the Home Ed section of MN. There are a couple of people on there who are very knowlegeable about HE and I think Riven's dd has SEN and is home edded. I personally know of several people who were in exactly the same boat as you, with the bullying of already vulnerable SEN children being ignored or denied by their schools. Their children have all flourished since being taken out of school.

There is loads of info out there about HE and Education Otherwise is a good place to start, but I would definitely post for info on the HE section here just to give you a better idea about it all. Good luck!

(It's in the Education section just in case you haven't come across it before ).

[claw3]

Chazs - Yes to anti-bullying policy, they are going to give this to me at the meeting. I will enquire about whether they have a formal special needs policy.

and thanks

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

claw3

Your poor boy, not just to say you either.

School Action Plus is not legally binding nor will it ever provide any lunchtime support. For that you're going to have to get a Statement and even with this in place its not always granted readily. He should have an IEP anyway if he is on SA plus.

I would look for another school pronto or Home Ed, this one is awful. I would not be sending him back at all under these circumstances; they have failed him badly by not protecting him from the abuse.

www.bullying.co.uk is a good website and they also I believe operate a helpline.

[Miggsie]

Definitely write to the LEA and explain why you have withdrawn your child, otherwise the school could clock it up as "unauthorised absence" and the LEA officer would come round and have a go at you.

[claw3]

Callisto - Thank you very much for that. I will see what the outcome of the meeting is tomorrow and do some reading about HE, just in case things dont improve, so im prepared. Will definitely ask for advice from MN if i decide to take that route.

To be honest my head is swamped with reading up and understanding my ds's disorder and problems. Chasing up appointments and referrals. Preparing tribunal for disability allowance and trying to get my head around the process and legal requirements etc and of course the bloody school.

Thanks again for your help.

[notgettinganyyounger]

anti bullying policies are a pile of shite IMO. DS was bullied relentlessly dispite there being an ABP, (only shown if you ask though) I kept him off school and refused to send back until it was sorted. It carried on again and we removed him permanently from the education system.

Best thing we had ever done.

The trauma from early years bullying (or of any age) goes deep, and years later it can come out in other ways if not dealt with.

You are doing exactly the right thing in taking a stand.

[claw3]

Attilla - He has no IEP in place, if he is on special needs action plus, is an IEP required by Law? He was only placed on this when he started school in January.

He started school in January 2009, he had been being assessed by OT from October 2008 until Dec 2008. OT was suppose to be going into school to advise staff on how to handle him and observe him, provide a sensory diet, prepare a report and refer to Senior Paed.

OT tried to give ds some brushing therapy in December and he reacted very badly to this. OT told me she would attend the school and gain his trust, help him to settle and this would take some time etc, etc. She would then contact me when he was ready for more treatment etc liaise with staff and myself about IEP. In June 2009, at parents evening when i asked how things were going, any further along etc. I was told OT HAD NOT been attending. I tried contacting her from June until August. She didnt return any of my calls so i made official complaint about her.

Sorry for long post!

[MrsGokWantstogocampingagain]

Every time you write to the school make sure you copy in the Head, the Governers and the LEA. That way they can't sweep it under the carpet. You should be given a copy of the anti bullying policy when you ask for it, not in the meeting, so you don't have time to study it and pull them up about the inadiquacies (sp?). The school are being shit, you need to make sure the Governers and the LEA have copies of everything.