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AIBU?

To be getting horribly and irrationally upset with all this stuff in the news?

45 replies

chegirl · 21/02/2009 22:18

I know I am. I really do but its so bloody awful. I feel terrible for the poor girl and her family but I am being dreadfully self centred and all I can think of is that 3 years ago at this time it was MY beautiful girl that was dying. It was this time that we were getting ready to bring her home. It was this time that we knew that she wasnt going to get better.

I just feel like everytime I log on, turn on the tv, read a paper its there! I do care that another life is being taken but I care more about what happend to my DDDDDD and where was all this mass grief three years ago? I know that stupid but I cant help it. She was so amazing. So beautiful.

Its driving me to distraction. This time of year is always awful but this seems like rubbing my nose in it - how self obsessed is that?! It seems that I cant say anything because I am supposed to be mourning this young woman that I have never even met, to do anything else is almost seen as wrong.

I hate that fecking disease in all its fecking forms.

OP posts:

Report

kormachameleon · 21/02/2009 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheekysealion · 21/02/2009 22:21

so very sorry to hear about your DD

tell us more about your lovely daughter it may help

gigglewitch · 21/02/2009 22:22

aww, ((hugs)) to you

it is so similar for you, timing and everything, it is completely understandable to link everything to your own experience and it must surely hurt like hell.
you are not self obsessed, you are dealing with a huge loss and you are still grieving. which you are totally entitled to do without starting to feel guilty as well.

do you have support - family, friends etc?

HairyMuff · 21/02/2009 22:23

Chegirl your story is very sad.

Your girl looks beautiful on your profile by the way

wannaBe · 21/02/2009 22:24

Am so sorry for your loss.

And yanbu. All this mass grieving for someone people don't even know is horrible imo. It's as if people have a need to be seen to be upset even though they don't know the individual. It's like competitive grieving and it's really horrid.

nickschick · 21/02/2009 22:25

Chegirl im really sorry for you,tbh I think all the sadness surrounding Jade is because we all of us have someone we have lost its like shes almost a focus for our grief.

Your daughter is beautiful and I am so sorry that you cannot hold her in your arms tonight and tell her how you love her.xxxx

Woooozle100 · 21/02/2009 22:26

of course you are not horribly self obsessed. It stands to reason that things will trigger yr own grief. Please don't be hard on yrself. You've been trhough so much without that

5inthebed · 21/02/2009 22:26

Not self obsessed at all. It must be very very hard for you and your family having to see it every day.

My dear FIL passed away very quickly last year (4 weeks from dx to death) with cancer last year, and it was heartwrenching and so very very sad. This being in the news has brought a lot of those feelings back, obviously not as fresh as yours, as must be very similar.

It is very sad, for everyone involved ot watching it.

shonaspurtle · 21/02/2009 22:27

I'm sorry chegirl .

It's not fair. It shouldn't have happened.

(I remember when Diana died thinking that it must have been even more horrible to be grieving the recent loss of a loved one at that point when there was this national, very exaggerated, very public Grief with a capital G over someone who most people had never met. Not to say that it wasn't very sad.)

gigglewitch · 21/02/2009 22:30

she really is beautiful - I've just seen the photo. You are at a really difficult time shortly after her birthday too, and every date probably has something attached to it, whether you try to remember those dates or would prefer not to.
You are strong, you really are, you keep going for the boys. I wonder how you do it.

choosyfloosy · 21/02/2009 22:30

What a smile your daughter had. She looks amazing in every way. I'm so sorry.

chegirl · 21/02/2009 22:33

Please dont think this is a plea for attention/sympathy (but thanks for the nice comments ). I think its because I have just worked out why i am getting so wound up.

I know that I am not the only one feeling this way and thats not the poor girl's fault. I do hate all that sobfest thats going on and I know its only going to get worse. I know a lot of people are affected because of their own experiences but surely not everyone? Why would anyone want to experience grief if they didnt have to?

I know I am not making much sense and I am not a bitter person usually. And I am certainly dont think I am a wallower. Sometimes its a bit overwhelming and to have a constant reminder of just how relentless cancer is gets a bit too bloody much.

OP posts:

nkf · 21/02/2009 22:33

How terrible for you.
I think I know how you feel. Something very sad happened to me the weekend Princess Diana was buried and somehow it all remains muddled in my mind. And anniversaries (is that the right word?) of Diana's death make it extra hard to deal with. There's something about the mixing of public outpourings of emotion and private grief that just seems to disjointed and wrong.

You have my sympathy.

chegirl · 21/02/2009 22:34

I have also realised I have this irrational fear that she might actually die on DD's anniversary. How stupid. The poor girl doesnt even have that long. I feel such a sap.

OP posts:

nickschick · 21/02/2009 22:36

I think chegirl that even those that havent been closely affected by cancer are scared of it and it maes it 'real' cos Jade isnt a superglam celeb - sort of a before it happens/it could happen grief.

NFK you have a thought there maybe the 'acceptability' of celebrity grief maes it ok to publically grieve??

nkf · 21/02/2009 22:37

No. I don't think I meant that. I mean when you are grieving about something that is happening to you and in your family, then a whole load of people talking about their grief for a stranger seems strange.

nickschick · 21/02/2009 22:42

OHH right sorry it was my misunderstanding.

But you know when Diana died i felt so sorry for dodis parents I actually wrote to mohammed al fayed ...i mean as if i knew diana and dodi [shame]but i just felt sad and had to do something so i wrote to al fayed - guess what? - he replied!!!

mshadowsisfab · 21/02/2009 22:44

yanbu
you are still greiving
strangely I posted on "my" support thread about this sort of thing only yesterday,.

katiestar · 21/02/2009 22:44

Hi Chegirl .I can well understand you feeling the way you do....I was thinking this morning of all the other families who must be in the same position and how they must be feeling at this mass hysteria grief over this so-called celeb. In our town there is currently a young mum who is trying to raise £30,000 to go to the USA for treatment to give her more time with her children ,and how she would raise it in a second if she had a hundredth of the publicity Goody is getting.
It isn't fair and it isn't fair your beautiful daughter had to die when she was so young .She was a beautiful girl.

GenerationGap · 21/02/2009 22:46

I agree Chegirl that this out pouring of grief for Jade from strangers is cheap. Jade's situation is desperately sad for her and her family and friends but everyone else 'consumed by grief' for her have obviously never lost a loved one. Lets face it, whose day to day existance will be affected by Jade's death - only her family and friends, anyone else who claims to be grieving needs to address what they are actually grieving about - is it their own mortality or fear of this happening to their loved ones.

Life is very fragile and in the great scheme of things all our lives are very insignificant except to those who love us.

Chegirl, your daughter is beautiful - you lost her too soon and have to live with that real grief everyday and YANBU to resent this current media circus.

Your daughter is with you always - a part of you, may she rest in peace and may you find peace and realise that many people share your sentiments about personal grief.

ssd · 21/02/2009 22:47

agree, she was very beautiful

sorry for your loss and no YANBU

captainpeacock · 21/02/2009 22:53

Reading through these posts and looking at your beautiful dd is very upsetting. I entirely understand that you must be in some way thinking "what about me" "what about all the other who suffer" but I think that the grief for Jade is grief for everybody that we don't know who has had to suffer this truly dreadful disease. I don't know Jade, I just know that what I feel for her situation I also feel for the hundreds of others out there who I will never know. If I ever read stories like these it truly makes me feel so lucky for what I have. My thoughts are with you and yours Chegirl.

gigglewitch · 21/02/2009 22:57

I think lots of young mums are thinking "omg that could be me"; those who have lost someone to cancer [of any description] are being reminded constantly about their own loss; and anyone who has lost someone 'young'/ish for any reason is also being reminded how unfair this is. that surely counts for at least half of the UK population? I'm not trying to do the devil's advocate here, just wondering if there are so many people identifying with the situation and its out-of-control-ness iykwim?
All understandable imho.

Qally · 21/02/2009 23:10

How terrible for you; it must be so hard even without this constant reminder. She was very beautiful, and I think your feelings are totally natural and not at all bitter. You are not in any way shape or form self-obsessed.

It's all these people dabbling in grief lite, isn't it? Like they think it's a film or something. I understand why she is doing it - her sons need to be cared for - and in the early stages it was positive that she's encouraging so much more cervical screening, but at this point it's getting disturbing. This isn't Titanic, it's actually happening, and sentimental wallowing in the death of a young mother people'll never meet is light-years away from the unspeakable, inescapable hell that is genuine grief.

YANBU at all, and I am so, so sorry for your loss.

ellabella4ever · 22/02/2009 02:39

This so-called romantic wedding that is being thrust down our throats is making me sick. The groom is a low-life on parole for one vicious assault and due in court soon accused of another.

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