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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Mum's funeral today and terrified to sleep please can somebody talk to me

52 replies

toastywarmslippers · 01/02/2023 00:31

I am utterly exhausted after weeks of watching my mum die. Funeral today. My DP has finally had to go home for work after weeks away and I am in an Airbnb alone.

There is some arsehole fucking roaring up and down the street outside every now and again, and I am on the verge of sobbing in fear, I am at the end of my rope and need to relax and sleep and terrified he will break in and fucking stab me or something.

I just need to sleep I am so sleep deprived and wrung out.

OP posts:
Original poster
toastywarmslippers · 01/02/2023 00:32

He honestly sounds unhinged, I can't make out what he is saying but it's the same phrase over and over.

He goes quiet and then I don't know where he is or what he's going to do?

OP posts:
HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 01/02/2023 00:33

I'm so sorry OP that sounds incredibly hard. Hard to lose your mum and hard to be alone tonight. Can you tell us about your mum?

Baambi · 01/02/2023 00:34

Call the police

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 01/02/2023 00:34

Sorry OP I didn't realise someone was actually outside, do you mean on a motorbike or in a car, or on foot? Is this in a town setting or somewhere rural? Neighbours around?

Original poster
toastywarmslippers · 01/02/2023 00:36

It is a town. I'm in a terrace of houses and it is hard to judge exactly where he is - he is not directly outside my Airbnb house but somewhere on the curving street. It sounds like he moves up and down the street.

OP posts:
fiesta · 01/02/2023 00:36

OP can u call the police?

Vinotinto78 · 01/02/2023 00:36

So sorry for the loss of your Mum. I lost my Dad two weeks ago after a week watching him deteriorate in hospital. It’s a very strange time. I hope you have some people you can reach out to for support. Sending love. Things will improve but slowly x

Original poster
toastywarmslippers · 01/02/2023 00:37

Baambi · 01/02/2023 00:34

Call the police

But he's not constantly roaring? So if the police come will they just wait around for half an hour or so, on the off chance he does it again?

OP posts:
NandorsFamilar · 01/02/2023 00:37

Do you have some nice soothing music on your phone to listen to? Or a podcast with politicians talking (so relatively unexciting speech)?

The days between my mothers death and the funeral were awful and very unsettling. Anything can send you into an emotional spin, so the guy outside would probably not be such an issue at any other time.

Not much help, but I find funerals quite soothing- you are allowed to let your emotions burst and be overwhelming and in some ways it starts the 'coping with life after bereavement' process.

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 01/02/2023 00:38

Is everything well locked OP? Is it just that your nerves are frayed or is the AirBNB not particularly secure?

AndNowIKnowWhatHappened · 01/02/2023 00:39

I'm so sorry about your loss. I'm not surprised you are exhausted. You must be physically and mentally exhausted. Do you need to get up early tomorrow?

Will you have other family or friends with you tomorrow?

💐

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 01/02/2023 00:39

So sorry for your loss @HangerLaneGyratorySystem FlowersFlowers

The guy outside isn't going to do anything to you, he's loud and that's distressing but the likelihood of him trying to break in and hurt you is so incredibly small.

You could call the non emergency police line though if you wanted to report it and hopefully they'll be able to send someone out to move him on.

In the meantime, is there anything you can do to help put him out of your mind so you can get some sleep? Confirm for yourself that you've definitely locked the doors, put a radio programme or audio book on low to give you something different to listen to, use cotton wool or some wadded up tissue as makeshift earplugs to reduce the sound....

RiderOfTheBlue · 01/02/2023 00:39

I'm so sorry OP.

Could you put the TV or radio on to drown outside noise a bit? Or maybe one of those calm/ relaxing music videos on YouTube?

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 01/02/2023 00:39

I was going to ask that too - what time is the funeral and who will be with you?

Original poster
toastywarmslippers · 01/02/2023 00:39

The doors are locked but there is a large glass front to the house with no curtains and I'm afraid he will see me or something if I'm going upstairs as he is going past.

OP posts:
AndNowIKnowWhatHappened · 01/02/2023 00:41

But he's not constantly roaring? So if the police come will they just wait around for half an hour or so, on the off chance he does it again

Chances are the Police will know who he is and that he is one of their regulars. A quick call to 101 won't do any harm. If they are busy with more serious things then they will deal with those but if they aren't they may well come by.

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 01/02/2023 00:44

Oh god yes the no curtains and big window thing, anyone would be unnerved by it. Can you take everything you need upstairs and close that room up so no lights on downstairs etc?

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 01/02/2023 00:45

Can you put something mindless on your phone or laptop and sit in bed?

Original poster
toastywarmslippers · 01/02/2023 00:46

I feel if I put on a tv programme or music I won't hear if he does break in and won't have time to ring the police.

I just don't feel safe here anymore now.

OP posts:
Original poster
toastywarmslippers · 01/02/2023 00:49

I feel like crying why does this have to happen the night I'm on my own?

OP posts:
HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 01/02/2023 00:49

There's no reason to believe he would choose that house just at random in a terraced row. It'll be OK; when you are low mentally and tired its easy to become hyper-vigilant.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 01/02/2023 00:50

@toastywarmslippers your emotions are heightened because of your bereavement and that is completely understandable and to be expected.

It really is incredibly incredibly unlikely that anything will be done by the man wandering the street, other than a bit of shouting.

Please give 101 a call to speak to someone, hopefully they will be able to reassure you that they know the guy and he's harmless just noisy, or that they'll send someone out.

Original poster
toastywarmslippers · 01/02/2023 00:55

It sounds so aggressive and rage filled, his throat must be absolutely raw.

I know the likelihood of him breaking in is probably small but before it started I was just relaxing with a cup of tea in the warm house and looking forward to a long sleep in the comfortable bed. It has been such a fraught time.

OP posts:
HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 01/02/2023 00:55

I second 101; it will allow you to take some practical action, I think you need to be "doing" something now. Can you make a hot drink? Even if you don't want a hot drink, can you boil the kettle, set a cup out and fill it with hot water, then wait for the water to cool? I used to do this technique with DD when she was at uni and all alone in her room she'd have terrible panic attacks. Get the kettle on OP and dial 101.

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 01/02/2023 00:56

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4363059-Bring-us-your-worries-big-or-small-The-nightshift-will-hold-them-so-you-can-sleep?page=27

Also wanted to link to this, its a great thread, maybe having a read through it will help too.

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