to get irritated when friends of dh's (either with tiny babies or no babies) bang on about how nursery isn't good for babies and how cms are best when they *know* we use nursery?

[bossykate]

and if iabu, then is it ok for me to loudly bang on about inexperienced parents and their laughable opinions?

[bossykate]

i don't want to get into a debate about which is best. i just think it is bloody rude and tactless of them.

[bossykate]

plus none of them is going to have to be the main chuffin earner - more like little joblets 2 days per week.

[bogie]

YANBU my dad does this and it peeees me off DS only has 2 mornings a week in nursery and he has come on so much and he loves going they'll see when they have lo or lo old enough to go to nursery

[charliecat]

You are not being unreasonable.

[Doubletop]

Everyone becomes an expert once they have had a child. Just look at this site!!

[mindalina]

No you're not unreasonable imho and agree they are rude and tactless.

[kerala]

No YANBU

But have been finding lately that others justification of their childcare choices can be quite insulting eg blethering on about how nurseries are better for babies because they "socialise" and learn french when they know I am a sahm....

[ChasingSquirrels]

v tactless

[TheChickenLady]

None of their business and they are very rude.

[CaptainUnderpants]

Well having been there with my MIL when DS was born about nurseries being no good then I do have sympathy with you.

best to let it go over your head , everyone has differnt opinions about childcare etc
Best to let it ride and avoid them for a while.

Saying that if I had my time again I would choose a childminder , having see SOME of the young girls that attend the local college doing 'childcare' courses I have changed my opinion.

BTW I have two children and work in childcare myself .

A hot debate that most parents have to put up with.

[MrsTittleMouse]

YANBU to be annoyed with people questioning your choice of childcare.
YABU to be so patronising to women who work part-time. (joblets!?!?!?)

[CaptainUnderpants]

Yes very much agree about 'joblets ' YABU there !

[Barcelonababe]

I think that everyone is entitled to their opinion. Did you give yours to them? you must have your reasons why you take your baby to nursery. I know the reasons why i took my daugher to nursery and I know why she has now have a nanny. What is truly important here is your reasons and no one elses opinion. Take it easy, as i have found out that discussing child related topics can be more confrontational that talking religion or politics in contemporary society.

[bonitaMia]

YANBU. In fact, I would actually ask them to elaborate. For example, when they say something about how bad nurseries are for babies, instead of ignoring it I would say: "Really, dd goes to nursery, you must thing we are horrible parents. What do you think?". And see what they say. If they have the guts to say yes, I would tell them how dare you, and proceed to tell them to p*ss off bye bye. Chances are that they may feel embarrassed and never say anything of the sort again. I would definitely not ignore it, if it is upsetting you. Just confront them and ask them to take their logic to their last consequences and call you directly a bad parent. See if they have the balls.

[doggiesayswoof]

YANBU. They are being tactless.

But... haven't you fallen into the trap of belittling the people who you feel are criticising you ("joblets")

This is the crux of a lot of nastiness between parents imo. Live and let live and all that.

If you feel secure in your choice, then bugger them.

[newgirl]

yanbu - they show complete lack of social skills

next time you hear something like that roll your eyes and say 'well lets agree to disagree'

or 'really, ive heard shocking things about childminders' - although that might start a debate that you dont want to get into!

[doggiesayswoof]

Yeah bonitamia, good idea. I'd love to have the balls to do that next time someone starts slagging nurseries...

[IntergalacticWalrus]

YANBU

My (childless) colleguie said she thought all forms of childcare were potentially damaging.

I LAUGHED IN HER FACR.

I can't wait for her to have kids, and be stuck at home for 3 years with not so much of a hint of adulkt conversation. She'sll be chomping at the bit to get to work, I reckon.

I wouldn't mind either, but My 2 are only at the CM's 3 mornings a week, 8-11.30.

[bossykate]

thanks for all comments!

bonitamia, i like your approach, i think that is what i will do next time, it's not the first time and i'm sick of biting my lip.

[mummypig]

yanbu, everyone has different criteria for what comprises the best childcare choices for them. I've personally gone through most options except for a nanny, as I went back to work when ds1 was 3 months old, but am currently a sahm. Initially, the nursery ds1 went to was wonderful and I still think it was really good for him. I took ds1 out of a later nursery because they didn't deal very well with some persistent bullying, and because the caring staff seemed to be replaced by girls who were just 'ticking the boxes'. When I was working part time, we had a wonderful childminder who really fitted in with my variable hours. I've also used some good and not-so-good creches, and similarly for babysitters.

It's hard enough trying to muddle through as a parent these days without judgement from all sides. I think people who try to force their own parenting decisions on you are very inconsiderate. What works for them, works for them. What works for you, works for you.

You could try making some diplomatic noises about how people in different situations come up with different solutions. Then if they carry on you could be evil and tell them some horror stories about awful childminders. I'm sure there are some on mumsnet if you trawl the archives. I know my sister could tell you some - like my neice being left with a 13 year old because the childminder had to go off and do something before my sister arrived to collect the baby .

before anyone flames me, I know there are some wonderful childminders on mumsnet and on real life, but that doesn't mean it's the best arrangement for everyone.

[bossykate]

btw - just to say again - i don't have anything against childminders.

[Dropdeadfred]

If you are secure with your choices why does it bother you what these people (that you obviously don't respect) have to say?

[mummypig]

oh I spent so long typing that I missed some of the later posts. I really like bonitamia's idea, puts them right on the spot and probably better than having a go at childminders as I suggested

[Tortington]

i think you should put on your pointy boots and kick them i the fanjo.

[bossykate]

well, ddf, i'm sure you are serenity personified no matter what the situation. whereas i, on the other hand, am only human.