To expect my dh company to give him more than 3 days fecking notice of a 10 day trip to the far east??????

[becaroo]

I am not a happy bunny....AIBU??

[ComeOVeneer]

No YANBU, but I am not surprised. This sort of thing happens to dh all the time. I came home from work early one day to find a taxi outside our house waiting for dh who was inside getting his passport so he could go to Switzerland to get documents signed at t the airport then (hopefully) catch a flight back. Not too bad I hear you say, until you know the day in question was christmas eve!

[flowerybeanbag]

No YANBU, that's v rubbish

[flowerybeanbag]

Should add similar length of notice for overnight/couple of nights trips not that unusual but a 10 day trip on 3 days notice is a bit over the top really.

[GryffinGirl]

No YANBU, but it's surprisingly common . I have lost track of the number of times I've get home from work and there is a note from DH pinned to the fridge or I get a hurried phonecall saying he is off to the airport. The worst case was three weeks in Hong Kong at 12 hours notice. It has happened over Valentines Day (not that I am a big one for doing romantic stuff then anyway, but we had just got engaged that year!)

[iota]

hmmmm sounds quire normal to me

I can do the school run in the expectation of him working at home for the day and find him packing a bag on my return

[PeachyFleshCrawlingWithBugs]

Sister's Dh also gets less notice I'm afraid, he'll go to work of a morninga nd she'll get a call saying he's on his way to thailand or wherever.

Would P me off, but not knowing details of his job etc (BIL is a troubleshooter) ahrd to say if YANBU or not.

[iota]

x post with GG

[iota]

and Peachy

[ComeOVeneer]

I think it goes with the territory of what (I expect) is a well paid job.

[zubb]

does it happen like this a lot? is it the nature of the job?
I insist on a couple of weeks notice with my company but I need that to sort out childcare whereas if dh travelled there wouldn't be that problem, they usually comply, but luckily I don't work in the kind of job where things happen at a moments notice most of the time.

[GryffinGirl]

becaroo - is it because you work too and the childcare arrangements will fall on you solely when DH goes away? That's hard.

But it's the nature of the work in many jobs innit?! but it doesn't make it easy or fun.

[yaddayah]

Dh is the same (except normally with 12 hrs notice) .. but the maximum he'll be away is 5-6 days .. sooooo

Your're not BU, as I get pissed off too, but theres not a lot I suppose you can do about it !

[appledumpling]

DH usually gets some notice (variable from 2 days to a week or so) but I have also come home to find him packing to go to New Zealand and on that particular occasion he was gone for more than 3 weeks. He actually came home at lunchtime today to quickly pack for an impromptu 3-day trip to Sweden.

It's a PITA and I sympathise but it is his job at the end of the day.

[becaroo]

Comeoverneneer...if only that were the case....my dh is an engineer...need I say more? In the midlands where we are based the wages are abysmal I wish he could find something else, but £40k a year is good round these parts!

[glitterchick]

What a PITA - YANBU.

[Countingthegreyhairs]

YAdefNBU but it's happened to me so many times that I've got used to it (rather grudgingly) now. The worst aspect is having to cancel all my plans at short notice as they have usually taken quite alot of juggling and communication to set up in the first place.

[Anna8888]

In a really well-paid job it's par for the course to be at your company's (or more often your client's) beck and call, on the supposition that with the kind of salary you are getting you have a SAHW or SAHH or paid domestic staff to pick up the pieces at home.

On a lower salary that cannot support a family comfortably on a single wage it is not reasonable for companies to do this.

[becaroo]

oh Anna, how I long for domestic staff!!!

I would ideally like to emulate Margo from "The good life" and swank around all day in a housecoat and a turban harrassing tradespeople.

Sadly, I am going back to work soon (p/t) as we just cant manage anymore on dh's wage alone.

I hate how his company can just do this seemingly on a moments notice...they did the same thing 2 years ago the week before xmas and I was stuck at home with a poorly baby and 2 family members died that week too. It was great.

[Anna8888]

Becaroo - what does your DH's contract provide for in the way of notice for overseas trips (and, indeed, their frequency, duration, destination etc)?

It is just not reasonable for companies who are not paying employees salaries that can reasonably be expected to cover comfortably the living costs of a family to expect those employees to be at their beck and call. Your husband needs to look into this.

[bozza]

Well my DH is on a mid level salary - not enough to support the lifestyle we want anyway so I work 3 days a week. Anyway he got an e-mail from the managing director who has resigned regarding a leaving do type meal and overnight stay and meeting up with the Group Chairman from Germany. And DH (surprising me) e-mailed back that it was half term and the childminder was on holiday and he had planned to take some time off so he would have to get back to him. This is because I do not have enough holidays left to cover the 3 days of half term.

The (childless) MD somehow read this as DH thinking I was also invited to the meal! And let him know that I wasn't! Would have been a bit inconvenient what with me having to do a day's work, then take DS to his swimming lesson and also look after DD etc.

We have managed to sort half term so that DH can attend the meal, stay over and be in the office the next day.

[kittylouise]

YANBU to be pissed off, but this is horribly normal.

I work in an industry where if something goes wrong, you have to get on a plane and go there, pronto. Fortnately this has only happened to me twice, which meant having to go to France, but some colleagues of mine have to go to Seattle or India at a few hours notice. Luckily the duration is only for a day or two.

It is a BASTARD when it happens, luckily my daughter is sanguine about my going away, and twice in a year is pretty good going. But there is no arguing against it - it is the nature of the job and the industry I am in.

Funnily enough, I always thought I would love business trips when I attained a job level that would require them. Thing is the reality is bloody hateful, long hours, tiring, boring and lonely for the majority of it.

[Anna8888]

Bozza, Kittylouise - I agree it almost always requires juggling around when you have to travel for work - but the OP was about a 10 day trip with three days' notice. That really seems to me to be breaching the boundaries of acceptable if her DH isn't earning a salary that can provide for full domestic support. What are couples where both their employers make that kind of demand upon them supposed to do?

[bozza]

Oh yes I realise that Anna and I was just going slightly off-topic on the aspect of if you can't afford the domestic support. And I do out-of-hours call which is supposedly done from home, but don't get me started on the sub-standard level of equipment I get provided with, or you will regret it, I promise. We do have issues though regarding the clash of DH being away and me being on call.

But yes I would be very if I was the OP. It shows a lack of respect IMO.

[kittylouise]

You're right, 10 days is a ridiculous length at such short notice. Employers should take the fact that people have lives and responsibilities outside of work into account. I have never had an employer who was good about childcare, life/balance etc (but I work in a male-dominated industry which probably explains it).

But, no matter how unreasonable they are, it is very hard to argue against such requests without jeopardising your career.

[EmsMum]

It depends to some extent on the nature of the job - whether it could have been planned further in advance and is it really an emergency.

The other question is, whether he's been to this location before, and depending on where it is, has he had the relevant immunisations. My DH had an armful of stuff before he started far east travel and you need more than 3 days lead time on that.