Unreasonable SiL?

(48 Posts)
Harrison01 Mon 31-Oct-16 06:46:55

I have a SIL who I visited yesterday (let's call her Marge). My other SIL (let's call her Betty) has been seriously ill and took an overdose. She is seeing a therapist. Betty has 4 kids. When she took the overdose, or shortly thereafter she had a massive row with two of her kids who went running to Marge (who also has 4 kids). Fast forward to yesterday: I was talking to Marge's daughter about a cake that Betty's daughter had made for her sister's birthday. Betty's daughter has just finished uni, and is kinda still a student. Marge's daughter asked if I wanted a slice. I did not. I was v full from an earlier meal. I made a jokey remark about Betty's daughter having "best intentions" about making a cake being a student and all (it was actually a lovely looking cake). The convo moved on. A few mins later, rather randomly, Marge pipes up and says "that was a really mean spirited remark, very mean spirited". At first, I didn't know what she meant. Then she said it was what I said about the cake, even her own daughter said "I don't think she meant it like that". I love all my nieces and nephews. Never said anything ill-intentioned about any of them. I got up and told hubby I was waiting in the car. Thing is, she's said really nasty stuff about my food and the pronunciation of my foreign name in the past, I've never taken offence. She said stuff about her own mother on the same visit to her brother which was pretty mean-spirited. I'm not sure why she's taken offence over something so trivial. She did something similar because I dared to wish Betty a happy Christmas one year when she had fallen out with her. The other thing that really upsets me is that my husband didn't say anything to her. I think this condones her bullying behaviour. Really cross with both of them. I actually went over there to tell her we were expecting our second baby and that she was going to be an aunt. Instead I left in tears. Aibu about my SIL's actions? Aibu about expecting my husband to get down off the fence and call her up on her behaviour?

VeryBitchyRestingFace Mon 31-Oct-16 06:54:05

I don't understand your comment to your niece myself.

What's being a student got to do with her intentions when it comes to cake baking? confused

PumpkinOfLinus Mon 31-Oct-16 06:58:36

I also think you were out of order and a bit mean spirited.

LeftRightUpDown Mon 31-Oct-16 07:03:00

I don't understand your comment either but it didn't sound nice.

If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. It's irrelevant if she has been mean previously. You control what type of person you want to be and what you say.

If she upsets you with comments in the future then pull her up on it at the time

HallowedMimic Mon 31-Oct-16 07:03:31

What did you actually mean by your 'best intentions' comment?

Because it normally has undercurrents of
' oh you tried, but what you did was unacceptable/inappropriate/god-awful'.

Princecharlesfirstwife Mon 31-Oct-16 07:03:32

gosh. You sound a tad over dramatic.

eurochick Mon 31-Oct-16 07:03:42

I think your comment sounds mean. Why did you say it?

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 31-Oct-16 07:05:06

Your comment didn't come across as very nice at all.

Pull her up on anything unkind she says to you in future in the same way she did about your unkind comment.

Dmacka75 Mon 31-Oct-16 07:05:43

I agree, your comment sounds mean

Coconutty Mon 31-Oct-16 07:05:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConvincingLiar Mon 31-Oct-16 07:07:07

I don't understand the comment either. Are you feeling a bit more sensitive because you're pregnant?

PaulDacresConscience Mon 31-Oct-16 07:24:48

I don't understand your comment, but let's assume it was funny as one of your nieces took it that way.

You should have just pointed out that it was intended as a joke and moved the conversation on. There's clearly a bit of a backstory to the pair of you, but on the face of it you sound very sensitive. If she has form for being a bit of a cow then why go round to see her and expect her to behave differently?

GrumpyOldBag Mon 31-Oct-16 07:28:20

You made an ambiguous comment which did not come across well, maybe not what you intended but that was the result.

Someone calls you out on it and you go off in a huff?

Maybe a better reaction would have been: Sorry, I didn't mean it like that.

Instead of making it all about you.

PlumsGalore Mon 31-Oct-16 07:31:25

A very long and cryptic post which (I think) boils down to DN made a cake, I told her auntie it was really quite good for a student, and her auntie said I was mean spirited, is she BU?

Or something like that.

Mishegoss Mon 31-Oct-16 07:32:13

What do you mean "for a student?" That's weird.

wooooofudge Mon 31-Oct-16 07:33:10

Your comment sounded as though you thought the cake was not good. That's why she pulled you up on it.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 31-Oct-16 07:35:55

I think it has a bit of 'she says mean things and I don't pull her up on them so why did she pull me up when I was mean' in there too plum

rollonthesummer Mon 31-Oct-16 07:36:43

What an odd thing for you to say- I don't understand why you said it or what it means but it sounds rude.

Maybe next time you could say-no thanks, I'm still full from lunch.

pasturesgreen Mon 31-Oct-16 07:41:25

Your comment was weird.

Also, your OP is a bit rambling and full of unnecessary detail. How is it in any way relevant that your SIL is seeing a therapist, for example? confused

OohMavis Mon 31-Oct-16 07:45:56

I have no idea why anyone is upset, because I don't understand what happened at all confused

Liiinoo Mon 31-Oct-16 07:48:34

I agree your reaction sounds OTT. You said something a little odd that was misinterpreted and instead of apologising and laughing it off, you go and sit in the car. And are now angry at your husband because he didn't flounce off with you? Is there any chance pregnancy hormones could be at play here?

There is a lot of backstory here, but it is all v confusing. Why is the absent SIL who was suicidal and now in treatment mentioned? As far as I can understand she wasn't even there.

If you can bring yourself to do it I would ring or text today and apologise to all involved for over-reacting. The family has enough going on without you, Marge and DH falling out over something relatively trivial.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Mon 31-Oct-16 07:49:30

Your comment was strange.

What has your DN being a student got to do with anything?

If his sister has just tried to take her life I think he has more important things to worry about than a comment his other sister has made to you tbh.

SestraClone Mon 31-Oct-16 07:50:42

Well, that was long winded! I don't understand the comment you made - could you explain it please?

LagunaBubbles Mon 31-Oct-16 07:51:32

I don't understand your comment so I have no idea if it was mean or not sorry but it does sound bit odd for a joke!

FenellaMaxwell Mon 31-Oct-16 07:51:59

Well, it's hard to understand what you mean but it does seem like you were rude about the cake and as Betty's family are going through a tough time at the moment and Marge is supporting her kids, can you not see how you might have rubbed her up the wrong way? YABU - sorry!

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