I'll try and keep this brief. DH and I have been married for 2 years and over the past 2 years have been receiving fertility treatment relentlessly month after month with no success. PIL's haven't so much as sent a text to see how we're getting on. DH and I sometimes share a phone (we live in a remote location and depending where we are, we can't get signal) so I know his mum has never texted to enquire. My parents have been unbelievable and we see a lot of each other. We live an hour from PILs and 15 mins from my parents. Often it is my DH who suggests we go to theirs so he isn't dragged there iyswim.
Whenever we do see PIL's (which is rare and generally when we host them) they talk only of themselves and DH's brother and it is like we barely know each other. I don't expect to be pampered but this year has been extremely difficult and I am Just astonished that they haven't even enquired. I once raised the topic and all MIL said was that "we should go on holiday as her friend conceived on holiday" 
not a word of sympathy when we mentioned to mil at a family wedding in the summer that I'd had an early miscarriage the week before. She did manage to harass me to drink though, despite me telling her I wasn't drinking at all currently due to ongoing treatment.
I don't want to out myself but all I'll say is that I had a life changing thing happen in my family this year and mil hasn't so much as asked about it. I found this hurtful.
Anyway fast forward and she calls DH out of the blue to ask us to spend Xmas with him. DH tells her that we'll be at my family's as my sister is hosting and my brother has just had a baby so it will be special as he's the first grandchild.
Mil got a bit shitty and said we'll just have to go on Boxing Day.
Aibu to think: it doesn't work like that? You can't ignore us all year and then expect to spend Xmas day with us??! Growing up, DH spent Christmas only with his parents and 2 brothers. She never had her mother in law or parents over or went to theirs. PILs visit other family very regularly and even traipsed 200 miles recently to see niece for the day. They regularly visit friends who they have to pass our house to reach.
Aibu to think that I don't want to deal with this every year? DH told him that we will arrive in the morning on Boxing Day and stay for 5 days and we will See them the Sunday before Christmas for a family dinner with MILs brothers and their family.
AIBU?
To think mil can't ignore us all year and then get shitty over Xmas?
user1476994074 · 20/10/2016 21:22
They sound plain mean - be grateful your parents are so nice ! The phrase no contact gets bandied around a lot here - but I think if your DH is aligned it's worth considering if you ramp down contact as really u can't think of a compelling reason to have them in your life ? Your poor DH though 
Marylou thank you so much for your kind message. Really appreciate it. So glad to hear you were successful, it's a post long old slog and I take my hat off to those who come out of it at the other end with their sanity intact!
My parents live this with us. Even my grandad knows the ins and outs of my bloody injectables and clomid and he's 85 
of course I want to be with them on Xmas day. I don't want to spend Xmas day 'catching up'
Oh god I know you're all right thing is, there won't be a fall out. When we're with them we will spend the time talking about them, current affairs, their new windows etc. basically the conversation won't stretch below the surface and we won't have a laugh. A fall out isn't possible under these sterile conditions! Kill me now
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