Expectations in the school holidays

[LovelyBath77]

My husband's at work this week and the kids are having their first full week of the holidays. We're going on holiday for two weeks as a family next week, so I was kind of thinking of just chilling at home, getting things ready etc. However he has just been going on about it being good for the kids to do some stuff this week, not 'just going to the park for a couple of hours' things like going to London to the museums, etc. I'm trying to save for our holiday and know a trip to London on the train would be expensive tiring and stressful. We're knackered, I'm recovering from shingles and the boys have had a busy year at school. Feeling guilty now for wanting to stay at home, and like I need to go into the swimming pool etc as well. Feeling a bit like a bad mummy, but why can't we just relax at home? He says they'll just play on the computer / tablet all day but I would have boundaries with it, and they have kindles for reading which they like. I think, he's jealous as he has to work because he keeps saying he'd gladly swap with me and he'd take them out to things etc. I suggested the nearby museum having some free craft things on, but he said that would be boring (at the dinner table, thanks for that). Why does everything need to be super exciting, and stimulating. Or am I being unreasonable?

[HirplesWithHaggis]

YANBU, and I think you're right he's jealous. Surely the dc need to chill too?

[HermioneJeanGranger]

YANBU at all. It's good for children to just relax and have fun at home.

[cece]

I think it is good for children to get bored sometimes! Plus if you have been ill you need to rest too.

[BrendaFurlong]

YANBU. Children need to learn that not everything can be full on entertainment. I actually used to let my DC get bored - they soon found things to do.

[Wolfiefan]

You have washing, ironing, packing and cleaning to do. Lots of organising too. Cancelled the milk?!
Let the kids have a lazy week. Picnic in the garden. Draw on the pavement with chalk. Watch a film.
Otherwise you will be tired and cranky on holiday and so will the kids.

[JayDot500]

Oh I don't think you are BU. Two things really:

1. you're off on holiday. That's something that will be exciting for them. Saving for it is a reasonable consideration, and perhaps it will do good to have a week to chill and sort out life before you all have a delightful (often far from relaxed) time away on holiday together. I value time spent pursuing adventures on holiday while the opportunity is there.
   
2. Your hubby means well, but it's not him who will be traipsing into London, to museums etc. It is tiring. Perhaps as a sort of compromise, pick one day and ask the kids what they'd really like to do (in your area) and do it.

[HirplesWithHaggis]

Yeah, if my dc ever complained they were "bored", I just listed things like, well, your rooms need tidied, there's dusting to be done, tatties to be peeled... they soon found alternatives.

[schokolade]

Well when DH is looking after the kids he gets to choose. Bet he'd change his tune if it wasn't hypothetical.

perhaps when he complains you could offer up some pointers on how he can do his job?

[CaptainCrunch]

He's being a dick, ignore him.

[bumsexatthebingo]

If you have limits on the electronics I see no harm in spending the whole holiday at home, in the garden and at local parks/museums. You will have a few weeks when you get back as well if you fancy doing day trips then.

[doing]

Tell him he's more than welcome to take a day off and take them into the museums.

Failing that, on your time they do what you think.

[ilovelamp82]

It's important for kids to learn how to entertain themselves. Although if the weather is still nice I would encourage them to be outside while they can.

[mamapants]

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable really, just different.
I really like to make the most of holidays by getting out and doing things so just spending it in and around the house would be a but boring to me. I woulttry and do at least one thing a day, although they don't have to cost money to be fun.

[onecurrantbun1]

Tbh I dont even think you need strict limitson the electronics every day. We all need to chill sometimes - maybe a cinema afternoon with junk food. I think a few days pottering at home / immediate locality will set you up perfectly for your holiday! Maybe one day to the "best" local park or a local museum. There will still be 3 weeks left when you get home to do more structured days out.

[AnnaMarlowe]

If he's home on his own with them, he gets to choose. If you are, you get to choose.

Children do need chilling time, you're right. But there are also lots of cool stuff to do at home without going into London if that's stressful for you.

You could do some baking, cooking, crafts etc with them. The local library probably has a reading challenge. Do some geocaching locally etc.

Regardless the choice of activity is up to you and the children.

[LovelyBath77]

Thanks for your replies, feel a bit better now. I just chatted with my severn year old and we thought maybe the pool one afternoon, a little boat trip on the river one day and a trip to the cinema, might try and do these over the week to get out the house and as a change from the park. As you mention, I've shopping and washing to do etc, need to get uniform collected for the big school, and money changed etc before we go. Think he sometimes forgets about these things, hmm.

We have enough expectations on us as parents and don't need all the guilt etc.

[Tworingsandamicrowave]

Let them get 'bored' and think how much they'll appreciate their holiday next week when your DH can keep them busy and entertained. You all need time to relax into the holidays and get used to a different routine.

Also, what do the kids want to do this week?

[Tworingsandamicrowave]

*nit next week, the week after when you go away I mean.

[DelphiniumBlue]

By itself, the fact that you are recovering from shingles means you need to rest, not traipse all over London.
Once you have recovered, a few trips to the park, swimming pool or meet-ups with friends might be nice.
Cinema would be easy and not too stressful, but leave museum trips till you are properly better.

[Topseyt]

If he wants them to go to all of these super stimulating activities in London this week then tell him that he is welcome to take them himself.

You are all going on holiday so they will get plenty of stimulation then. It won't do them any harm at all to have down time this week, and it will help you to recover from your illness.

Some men do seem very good at spouting forth these wonderful ideas diktats to their wives over what to do about the children, but will often run away if faced with the reality of taking on the task themselves.

[cheminotte]

Yanbu. If you are at SAHM you can do a few day trips in the second half of the holiday if you feel like and can afford it after your holiday. Just hanging around locally is fine. I work but take a few extra days during the summer for just me and the dc. I can't stand DP making helpful suggestions of what we could do in front of them. He can do what he likes when he has Daddy days and I'll choose when it's my turn.

[ParadiseCity]

I don't think either of you are wrong. I'm much more of an excursioner than DH and we tend to split the holidays - so DC have a split of lazy days v exciting days, without anyone doing stuff they don't enjoy.

However it does frustrate me when I have been at work all day, wishing I was at home having fun, and get home to a load of overscreened monosyllabic zombies. Not saying OP would allow that!!!

[kurlique]

Errrr... There will still be plenty of time for other stuff after your family holiday... If your DCs are anything like mine they need some downtime at the end of term! And I'm sure you will have plenty to do preparing to go away... Some DHs seem to forget that bags don't pack themselves! (Or more to the point the stuff that needs doing so that there is anything to pack!) We went on holiday as soon as our DCs broke up and in some respects I wish we had been able to go a week later... We were all a bit knackered when we got there and perhaps didn't do as much as we could have done whilst abroad as a result. I would perhaps have one fun thing lined up for midweek (swimming, flip out, even a trip to the park with friends - depending on what your DCs are like, ages etc) but otherwise they can chill and... Brace yourself... Help you get ready for the holiday! Actually they could do research and plan things to do for the rest of the holidays... My DD would love that... Would do a whole flipping PowerPoint on possible destinations etc... But I guess age would be a factor anyway have a fab holiday and don't overdo it this week chuck!!

[ssd]

why do you let him make you feel guilty? is he your boss?