Is my husband a spy?

[VanillaSugar]

He keeps disappearing suddenly "on business" and comes home a bit bruised and battered. He's not a boxer because he wears a suit. He won't tell me what he's doing. I also think he might be cheating on me when he's away.

I'd LTB but we have nice cars and he mixes nice cocktails.

[JustABigBearAlan]

What sort of cocktails? Martini?

[PatriciaHolm]

I'd be worried if I were you.

Bond's wife was killed on their wedding day.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

[VanillaSugar]

That was his first wife Patricia - but how did you lnow that??

[ABloodyDifficultWoman]

Is this one of those stupid pretend threads? Ugh. I hate these. What's the point?

[VanillaSugar]

Yes, Martinis. I prefer them Dirty but he insists on vodka.

[listsandbudgets]

Only one way to find out. ... follow him

[AmberNectarine]

I don't know, is he improbably old to be such an action man?

[LittleReindeerwithcloggson]

Does his pen look normal? What about his cuff links?

[gettingtherequickly]

Start mentioning specific letters with a knowing smile (like M or Q), see what his response is.

[blankpieceofpaper]

Um, he's just left you then - and quit his 'job' - for another woman.

[VanillaSugar]

He's in his 40s, is obsessed with his fit bit and does the Park Run every Saturday.

He won't queue - not even for petrol. He'll drive to the next petrol station and say "I'm too important to queue."

He likes sweets. I've often heard him say "I love M&ms"

[EdmundCleverClogs]

ABloodyDifficultWoman, oh dear you're not meant to say that, have to pretend to play along or just ignore it. Otherwise you'll get a thread full of people explaining that you 'lack a sense of humour' (or some crap like that).

[PatriciaHolm]

I'm afraid his life story has been the subject of a number of lurid publications, OP. Does he happen to speak a number of languages?

[VanillaSugar]

DH has just read this threat & said "I'll sort that bloody difficult woman out and the other one as well." Don't know what he means by that as he's an accountant. I think.

[KittensandKnitting]

[VanillaSugar]

He sometimes wears cufflinks (but not the ones I buy him) and he keeps his pen in a special box.

[VanillaSugar]

We once went to Spain and he spent a week under a free conjugating Spanish verbs.....

[GarlicStake]

I like these threads!

[dodobookends]

If he comes anywhere near you with a spray can of gold paint, run for the hills!

[HairySubject]

He might be a pimp in a competitve market and have to keep defending his patch.

[janethegirl2]

I'll have some of what you've been drinking

[PatriciaHolm]

Under a free what?
;-)

[EdmundCleverClogs]

Your imaginary husband is making threats against women? He's a winner isn't he. Think you have more problems than his apparent line of work.

[MiddleClassProblem]

Did you drink a gin martini and fall down drunk?