DH thinks I am BU, every time I have tried to talk to him about it, he tells me I am being negative and dramatic.
FIL split up with his wife and decided to move home to the country where we live so he could be near us as he hasn't had much of a relationship with DH since he was a small boy and he has met our DC twice.
He moved in with us at the end of April while he found a job and a place to live. For some context, we are pretty hard up. We live in a 2 bed flat with 3 DC, two of which have complex SN. I can't work as I am a carer for them, and DH works long hours. We moved the DC out of their room and into ours on airbeds and in our bed so that he would have somewhere to sleep. This of course was very disruptive and difficult for our SN DC, but they adapted.
After he moved here, it became apparent that FIL had serious health problems that he had been ignoring for about a year. He is a workaholic and has worked himself almost to the point of dropping dead. Long hours, poor diet and stress have been contributory factors to his condition. DH and I sorted him out, forced him to go to the doctor and his health has improved lots. He has been very grateful.
He found a job, and immediately started working ridiculous hours again. But he really dragged his heels about finding somewhere to live, and it was very hard to get him to go on viewings or commit to anything.
Eventually he found a nice flat and put down a year in advance on his rent. Picked up the keys, bought all new furniture ... and is still here. All the stuff is still in flat packs round there, he's been in the place three times in the last month. DH and I have been over, putting together some of his furniture and making it feel homely. But the DC and their needs mean that this is a very slow process for us, and FIL has done nothing himself.
I have sorted out all his bills, there is no reason for him to still be living out of a suitcase and for my DCs not to have a room, but here he stays. On his days off he sits about looking at his phone or the TV rather than being proactive about moving. He's fit enough to work 72hours a week, but apparently not fit enough to put a flatpack together.
He has been very helpful with the DC, babysitting to give us respite, and has bought us shopping a few times, but we have burned through our admittedly meagre savings keeping him.
I have tried to get DH to have a gentle word, but he was hurt that I had mentioned it and thought I was unreasonable. I am very very stressed at the moment trying to sort out a special school place for DC2, so I may not be seeing this rationally, but no matter how kind, old, ill or lonely FIL is, he can't stay with us indefinitely and that he obviously doesn't want to go.
I feel horrible for having mentioned it at all to DH. Should I?
AIBU?
To think DH needs to be blunt with FIL and ask him to move out!
Laura223939 · 09/07/2016 17:03
Tell fil to stay where he is, you move into his shiney new flat by yourself... 
It maybe that framing it in terms of your sons needs is going to be the smoothest way forward, but your FIL is probably not used to living alone. Alternatively you could suggest he rents a bigger 3 bed flat for you all to move into I guess -though it certainly wouldn't be my preferred option
Your husband is hurt that you don't want to have your kids/inconvenienced over the holidays & that you are pissed off to be 5 in a bedroom?
Is he frightened of his dad?
It's not about disliking him or having no sympathy.
(well it might be but that's beside the point). It's about you all being cramped while he has a place to go to, not being able to afford to put him up any more & presumably the extra work for you-but probably not your husband
Your FIL and DH are both being extremely unreasonable. The current situation sounds intolerable and you're a saint to have put up with it for this long. Your DH needs start putting you and the DC's first, even if that means offending his DF who has no right to be offended anyway!
It's completely ridiculous that you're having to sleep 5 to a room whilst he has a nice flat full of brand new furniture sitting empty. Am also flabbergasted that he has allowed you to burn through your savings feeding him when he can afford to pay a years rent up front 
. FIL is being utterly selfish and your DH is letting you and the DC suffer rather than challenge that selfishness.
I am not usually one for ultimatums but in your position I would sit DH down and tell him in no uncertain terms that if FIL doesn't move out by the time the kids break up from school, I will. And i'd bloody well mean it.
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