to think this is controlling

(30 Posts)
WeeEnglishRose Sun 26-Jun-16 14:11:25

Long story short, I went to cut the hedge today, but DH had a go at me because I didn't want to wear safety goggles while using the hedge trimmer. Yes, the handbook says they should be worn, but I wear glasses and the goggles make my vision go funny, which I didn't think was very safe when using a large bladed instrument.

He switched off the plug and stood in front of me, refusing to let me turn it on until I put the goggles on. I said that as an adult, I'm entitled to make my own choices about what's safe or not, and he can have an opinion but can't force me. He went in a massive huff, eventually stormed off, saying I was "stupid" and "you wouldn't let your child do that, so why should I let you".

I have massive issues with these, he seems unbothered and is being smug, saying he is right and there should be no debate on safety issues.

Any thoughts?

ny20005 Sun 26-Jun-16 14:13:13

I think I know what I'd have done with large bladed instrument lol

ArmfulOfRoses Sun 26-Jun-16 14:15:45

You might not let a child do lots of things, but you're not a child.

Surely, your glasses are doing the job of protecting your eyes?
Not quite as well as goggles obviously, but fairly well I'd think.

NeedACleverNN Sun 26-Jun-16 14:16:34

You outweighed the risks vs the benefits, decided it would be more risky to wear the goggles and chose the safest outcome!

How can he be cross with that?

Very controlling and sulky by the sounds of it. What is he like normally?

Crispbutty Sun 26-Jun-16 14:16:37

Just pass him the goggles and let him get on with doing it. I would say safety goggles should be worn as glasses dont offer anywhere near the amount of protection.

SquinkiesRule Sun 26-Jun-16 14:17:00

I rarely wear safety goggles due to wearing glasses too. Dh has prescription safety goggles for his old job. He never asks/tells me to put them on over glasses, it makes everything distorted.
Your Dh was being a knob.

sooperdooper Sun 26-Jun-16 14:18:05

I would be very pissed off at his concept that I was a child who could could be allowed or disallowed to do something!

Yes I'd consider that controlling and patronising

WorraLiberty Sun 26-Jun-16 14:18:09

Yes he was controlling

On another note, you really should wear them or ask/pay someone else to trim the hedge.

Glasses could potentially cause even more damage to the eyes, should the glass get broken by something flying into them.

WeeEnglishRose Sun 26-Jun-16 14:18:56

He can be very stubborn and sulky, yes. He has just taken the strimmer off me for the same reason and called me a fucking cunt. I think I might go out for a bit.

NeedACleverNN Sun 26-Jun-16 14:19:31

Wow lovely language

ArmfulOfRoses Sun 26-Jun-16 14:26:27

I'd go out for the rest of my life.

WorraLiberty Sun 26-Jun-16 14:34:01

I'd strim his bollocks off.

sooperdooper Sun 26-Jun-16 14:35:27

Jesus Christ is he always like this? I'd go out and not come back

LumpySpacedPrincess Sun 26-Jun-16 14:42:40

Yes it's controlling, but is it out of character?

VioletBam Sun 26-Jun-16 14:42:59

My Aunt lost her eye cutting up wood.

YABU not to wear goggles. If you can't see with them on due to glasses, then don't cut hedges.

Finola1step Sun 26-Jun-16 14:43:13

The goggles and strimmer...you are more than capable of assessing your own risk. Of course he can make suggestions but he has no right to unplug etc. This shows that he does not see you as an equal adult able to make your own judgements.

The name calling...out and out abusive behaviour right there.

So all in all, from what you have told us, he is an abusive and controlling man who drives you out of your own home. But what do you want to do about that?

JudyCoolibar Sun 26-Jun-16 14:48:36

Of course he shouldn't call you a fucking cunt. However, he's absolutely right that glasses aren't good enough protection. What he should have done was to say he'd do the hedge himself, or get someone in to do it.

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sun 26-Jun-16 14:52:35

Does he normally equate you to a child and call you a cunt?

Goingtobeawesome Sun 26-Jun-16 15:00:09

If you can't wear the safety goggles you shouldn't use the tool.

He shouldn't call you names.

blankmind Sun 26-Jun-16 15:07:02

He's not gone about it in a nice way, but the bottom line is he was rightly concerned that you would very likely cause yourself significant harm if you didn't wear the goggles.

If you want to use any sort of power tools, then use the right safety equipment, it's not optional, it's essential.

Fintress Sun 26-Jun-16 15:08:31

* called me a fucking cunt*

He sounds a right charmer

Birdsgottafly Sun 26-Jun-16 15:11:40

My DH took chances when doing jobs around the house. It was me that suffered the shock and stress when he had an accident.

Strictly speaking, I didn't have to go to A&E with him, look after him, but then why would I have been in a relationship with him, if it was so easy to not do those things?

Unless you are in it for financial reasons, everything you do, does impact on your Partner and it's frustrating when they make dangerous decisions.

I refuse to be around when my Adult friends/relatives do stupid stuff. There's people that I won't go Hiking/Camping with.

We're suppose to just sympathise when they injure themselves.

An eye injury could be permanent. I agree that there shouldn't be a compromise on Safety issues, unless you've got someone else to find you injured and deal with the aftermath.

AdjustableWench Sun 26-Jun-16 15:13:53

I'm sure there are thousands of people who trim hedges every summer wearing glasses who come to no harm (like me, last week). And no doubt there are some unfortunate accidents in which someone is injured because they didn't use goggles. But it's your choice, as an adult, to take that risk.

I would choose to take the risk. I would also choose to leave a partner who compared me with a child and called me a cunt for refusing to do things the way he told me to do them.

If my partner offered to do it himself instead, wearing goggles, because he was more risk averse than me and was really worried that I might be injured, that would seem reasonable.

Whisky2014 Sun 26-Jun-16 15:13:59

Well I think you should be wearing the correct ppe actually. He's looking out for you? Language is awful though.

exWifebeginsat40 Sun 26-Jun-16 15:18:05

when my XH called me a cunt it was the end. game over. are you going to let him apologise later and make it all go away?

you are worth more.

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