to think this girl was being bitchy

[bellalebint]

Posting for advice as I think my judgement is off. Back story is that this girl I work with has real form for saying rude things to me. She asked me last week if I was wearing a maternity dress (I'm not pregnant) and very often says things like "you look tired" or "are you Ill? You look ill. Haven't you got any make up on?" Once she said "that's an interesting outfit" I said thank you and she said "I don't like it, it's a bit young for you" this was last year. I was 29.

For this reason I don't know if I'm being a bit over sensitive. So, I've been trying to maintain civility with her despite her being rude on other occasions about other things (plus her borderline bullying of another colleague, I've heard her say she's too fat and shouldn't dress the way she does). She is obsessed with weight and has a real obvious dislike for some of the teenage girls we work with, often commenting that they are stick thin and how unattractive that is.

Anyway; She is going on holiday next week and was saying that she doesn't have any bikinis/holiday wear. We were the same size but I've lost weight over the last three months as I've been training very hard (5 times a week) so have dropped at least one dress size. We are both "blessed of the chest" and so I offered to bring her some bikini tops and cover ups. She hinted towards me offering her the bikinis in particular but as she is very chesty (E cup at least) more so than me, I wasn't sure if they'd be too small, cup size. However I just brought them in anyway because she clearly wanted me to offer.
She's now texted me that she can't use them as "they are too big at the back". It's blatantly obvious that due to the size of her boobs and the fact that she is definitely 1 or 2 dress sizes larger than me that this just can't be true (can I just add that i do not care what other people weigh I've only added that as it's relevant). I think she's just trying to insinuate that I'm "fat" and is trying to hurt me. It has really annoyed me as I was trying to do her a favour. It's kind of the straw that's broken the camels back and I feel really bloody pissed off.

So: Am I being totally over sensitive because of her bitchy nature in the past? Or do you agree that it's just bloody rude to tell someone their stuff was too big for you?

I know this is a total none problem, but I'm just really angry thinking that this girl is going out of her way to make other people feel shitty. On the other hand could this be that I am really overthinking this?

Disclaimer: first world problem.

[SweetieDrops]

Sounds like she has real issues with weight and is projecting them onto others. I'd just take a step back from her and don't engage any more than you have to for work related stuff if you know she's like this.

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

Ignore her.

Do not offer her advice or your clothes because she'll just throw it all back in your face.

In response to her rejection of your offer of clothes ' no problem, bring them back to work' and leave it at that.

[LuisSuarezTeeth]

She is a bitch. Don't bother with her any more.

[incandescentalright]

She sounds awful and definitely like she is going out of her way to make people feel shitty (and I normally assume the opposite of people!). It sounds like this is because she is deeply insecure (isn't it always). I think the attitude of chilly civility is best, combined with not giving a shit about what that insecure weirdo says to you (she won't be winning anyone over to her views if she's as bad as all this). I guess just keep an eye on the stuff she says to you and this other girl -- the comments you've said would completely justify having a word with your line manager/hr imo (though not the 'too big' thing unfortunately! you'll have to put up with that one even though I agree it was a dig) - she does sound like a bully and if it's making you unhappy you shouldn't have to put up with it.

[LizzieMacQueen]

It looks like she was engineering this so she could say your stuff was too big.

Ignore her and move on.

Well done on your own weight loss --- weight can be lost but thoughtless tactless people will always be like that!

[LottieDoubtie]

You no she's talking shit, so just reply - 'Oh that's a shame '

And then NEVER lend her anything again.

She can't hurt you if you don't let her!

[Pancakeflipper]

Sounds like she is really unhappy with herself so bitches about others and is jealous. I think she envious of you so runs you down to boost her self-esteem.

Be bright and breezy, don't lower yourself to her level but if she oversteps too far calmly tell her to stop being a bitch. She'll probably squall and squeal but deep down she'll know it's true.

Text her back saying to bring the bikinis back to work and make no comment to her about her jibes.

[ElephantSuperhero]

I had a friend like this once and ditched her. She looked for any opportunity to get one up on me.

[maras2]

From an old gimmer and please don't take this the wrong way but for goodness sake grow up

[Gatehouse77]

She's being bitchy. Maintain the civility and if she starts making comments either walk away, talk over her about something work related or say thank you and bring the conversation to an end.

Congratulations on your weight loss - keep going, if only to annoy bitch-face!

[Squiff85]

You've done all you can, she sounds like a twat!

[Chottie]

Why are you bothering with this woman? step away, nod and smile and ignore.

[FuzzyOwl]

Smile and insist on having the clothes back. Then every single time she says anything about the way anyone looks or weighs, just laugh and tell her she it sounds like she has a real hang up. Hopefully she will soon stop!

[ShipwreckedAndComatose]

She sounds jealous of you!

I agree, just back away and try not to let her rubbish get under your skin.

[VioletTea]

First of all please tell me that you have lost weight simply because you want to, not because of this bitch
girl's comments?

Secondly, yes she is a total bully and I would absolutely escalate this (eg her comments to you and the other colleague) to your manager! Why should she be able to get away with saying awful things like that about people?! My boss would come down like a ton of bricks on someone she heard saying bitchy things like that.

It seems that she has real issues with weight, hers and other people's. Commenting on how apparently"overweight" people look and then criticizing others who are too skinny. She needs to get a life and you need to distance yourself from her.

I would simply text back "ok remember to bring them in to the office tomorrow, thanks" and then maintain a cool but civil distance.

[Quietattheback]

She can't make you feel shitty, only you can do that.

You can either take her comments personally and as actual reflection on you or you can see then for what they are, the mutterings of a chronically insecure person and a reflection of her inner turmoil. You don't have to like her, you definitely don't have to fix/help her, lend her shit, socialise beyond being polite in the workplace or council her but do need to take responsibility for yourself and not get embroiled the pointless drama.

[Buzzardbird]

First of all, you are doing yourself and womankind no favours by using the word 'bitch'. It is horrible and misogynistic.
Secondly, grow up and stop being such a sap.

[jay55]

Borrowing swimwear is weird. Borrowing it to be a bitch about it is not worth worrying about.

[HackerFucker22]

Why the fuck did you agree to lend this awful person your stuff?

[catsinthecraddle]

she's being bitchy and rude to you but you offer her some clothes? Stop being silly, ignore her, or you will be just as bad as she is.

[SolsburyHell]

Text back "Really? I'm surprised. Never mind, you've got time to buy something yourself, I'll take them back off you tomorrow xx" Definitely include passive aggressive kisses at the end.

[SmilingHappyBeaver]

I think she's just trying to insinuate that I'm "fat" and is trying to hurt me.

I think you're over thinking it. I think she is attempting to cover up the fact she is too big to fit in it. She sounds like a PITA, why are you engaging with her at all?

Text back and say, "I think that's unlikely". Job done.

[Andylion]

I think she's just trying to insinuate that I'm "fat" and is trying to hurt me.

"I think you're over thinking it. I think she is attempting to cover up the fact she is too big to fit in it."
I think she's doing both. Why on earth would you even consider lending her clothing? I recommend a text such as Solsbury suggests. The next time she makes a comment about your appearance, or anyone else's, call her on it.

[AyeAmarok]

I was going to say to text "Unlucky. I didn't think they'd fit you".

But I think go with Solsbury's suggestion, it's better.

I do think she has engineered this just so she can try and claim "proof" that you're bigger than her (which I'm sure you're not). She's a cowbag.

[bellalebint]

Thanks for replies. Seems the consensus is that it's definitely not in my head and she's a bit of a bully.

Re why I would lend her clothes in the first place? It's hard to explain, I have tried to remain friendly as I wasn't actually sure if she is being purposely rude or is just really blunt and tactless. She also seems a bit unhappy somehow and seems to be fairly isolated in work so I was a bit loath to cut her off. Agree that she is probably really insecure.

I know it's not a big problem but there have just been so many little things and this last thing seemed so off that I'm actually really quite angry. But also I'm famously not a good judge of character and I find it hard to read people and so don't trust my judgement sometimes, I find it hard to warm to people in general but always try to be polite and friendly outwardly... I agree that it's just pathetic but I do find it difficult to tell people to just fuck off. My DP is always pointing this out to me.

Thanks for all replies, will text something breezy back then try and cut her off in work.