To think this friend has set out to cause problems for me?

(56 Posts)
Sianykins Mon 28-Dec-15 23:32:21

And how on earth do I tackle it?

It has become apparent to me that a friend, I'll call her J for the purpose of this thread, is basically latching herself onto other friends of mine, and they then become distant from me and essentially ditch me as a friend.

There have been 3 friends in the last couple of years that she has suddenly developed an intense friendship with and all 3 have then become quite distant towards me and dropped me.

She has now developed a friendship with one of my best friends, whom I was at school with. They met through J's job, she has a job where she meets a lot of customers and they return to her regularly. Sure enough ex school friend is now ignoring my texts and today I saw her at a supermarket and she could barely bring herself to say hello let alone chat to me.

J seems to like to make friends with as many people as possible. Everyone seems to like her and she is intense with someone for a while then puts them on the back burner but they all seem desperate to be her friend and happy for her to pick them up at leisure, and she makes a big deal on Facebook about tagging who she is out with/having coffee with/at the gym with/out shopping with. She has huge amounts of friends and friendship circles that she doesn't 'need' to make friends with others, and also they are not really her type of person, so it grates that she has all those friends but still can't help pinching my mates too (yes I know I sound about 5 but it has made me feel like that!).

She is nice enough to my face, but obviously I've distanced myself from her in the last couple of years. It doesn't seem to stop her targeting people that I know though.

What can I do? I'm a fairly quiet person anyway and have never had a huge social circle or huge groups of mates.

I can't avoid her easily as we live in the same village and our kids attend the same school.

SquareStarfish Mon 28-Dec-15 23:35:12

There is a name for this on MN! I can't remember it but I'm sure someone will be along soon with a link to it.

Sianykins Mon 28-Dec-15 23:36:31

I think it's Wendy-ing isn't it?

Nanny0gg Mon 28-Dec-15 23:36:50

Wendied.

TimeToMuskUp Mon 28-Dec-15 23:37:07

Wendy! It's Wendy-ing, I'm sure of it. YANBU. Could you confront her? Ask her exactly why she's so desperate to latch onto your friends when she has so many others?

TimeToMuskUp Mon 28-Dec-15 23:37:21

Dammit I was too slow!

honeysucklejasmine Mon 28-Dec-15 23:37:24

Wendy. You are being Wendied. sad

No experience I'm afraid so I'm not very helpful.

Pipestheghost Mon 28-Dec-15 23:37:25

Wendy, I think confused

honeysucklejasmine Mon 28-Dec-15 23:38:00

X post!

Leelu6 Mon 28-Dec-15 23:38:02

Are you saying that she is turning your friends against you? If yes, how?

Your friends sound very easily led. I would not want to be friends with anyone that would judge me based me on what others have told them about me instead of who I am as a person.

Pipestheghost Mon 28-Dec-15 23:38:20

Mass x posts grin

Sianykins Mon 28-Dec-15 23:40:08

I think she might be turning people against me, yes.

I would like to confront her but truly don't know what to say. She is very cleverly doing something that is very hard to pull her up on.

howtorebuild Mon 28-Dec-15 23:40:10

Yes Wendy.

How does she know who your friends are?

Sianykins Mon 28-Dec-15 23:42:44

I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else's business. She would have seen on FB who I am friends with. Also a couple of the friends are fellow school mums.

Mmmmcake123 Mon 28-Dec-15 23:43:09

Have you confided in her about issues you would expect to be kept between yourselves? She sounds like a horror, be very careful about what you discuss with her. Small village. It sounds like she is using things you have said just to gain some friends for herself. Maybe due to you being quiet you haven't introduced her to people so she is getting in there on her own but is completely in the wrong.
Sorry if I have misinterpreted what is going on xx

howtorebuild Mon 28-Dec-15 23:43:44

Block her from viewing your profile, don't discuss your friends.

TeaFathers Mon 28-Dec-15 23:44:53

Yeah you're being wendied.
i don't think much of those "friends" that were so easily led by her. they sound rather thick to me.
put some distance between you and this one. phase her out. do not introduce her to any other friends.
she's obviously very jealous of you. that's the nub of her issues.

WorraLiberty Mon 28-Dec-15 23:45:46

I don't think you can blame her because your friends are blanking you confused

The ball is firmly in their court.

If you think she's spreading lies or something about you, that's different but you'll have to think of a way to find out.

It seems a bit unlikely that someone so sociable and so well liked would have the time or inclination to put other people off of you?

Mmmmcake123 Mon 28-Dec-15 23:46:38

Sorry reread op and she just sounds like she wants to be most popular and make sure you are not in any way competition. Wait for storm to know over is my opinion

Sianykins Mon 28-Dec-15 23:46:56

It just seems too much of a coincidence, and also like she sets out to befriend them.

hopelessadventure Mon 28-Dec-15 23:47:26

I would ask your school friend why things have changed between you. Try and get to the bottom of what it is that "Wendy" might have done or said to cause problems.

theycallmemellojello Mon 28-Dec-15 23:49:58

Yeah, unless she has a reason to dislike you, I'd doubt that she is "targeting" people you know. But I guess the simplest thing to do is to ask one of the distanced friends if she has said anything about you.

Aeroflotgirl Mon 28-Dec-15 23:51:55

First delete and block her on Facebook. Then meet up with your close friends and ask them why they have been so distant towards you. I would want to get to the bottom if what she been saying.

WorraLiberty Mon 28-Dec-15 23:54:37

It just seems too much of a coincidence, and also like she sets out to befriend them.

Not from what you've written it doesn't...well not to me anyway.

You live in a small village/town (not sure which?)

Your kids attend the same school.

Everyone likes her.

She has 'huge amounts of friends'

You have a small social circle

And (probably most importantly) you've spent the last few years distancing yourself from her.

Far from going all out to 'steal' your friends, I'd say it's very unlikely you even cross her radar.

Why would you? confused

Faye12345 Mon 28-Dec-15 23:55:16

They will wake up to her. She sounds desperate as hellhmm

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