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AIBU?

Another Christmas thread

20 replies

Physcobitch · 25/11/2015 22:44

I can't decide whether I am being overly sensitive here. Myself and MIL do not talk...at all no sign of reconciliation in the near future either. Have seen her at some occasions for DC over the year but there isn't even a polite nod or smile it's just a blank. Fine by me I am not that bothered. Now as it comes to Christmas it is a very big deal to both our family's DC is just over 1 and myself and DH don't want to do a Christmas just the three of us. I would not be welcome at his mums he would be more than welcome at my mums...but he has decided he will go to his mums and leave me and DC to go to my mums for dinner. We will have Christmas morning together. I am really sad about this. On one hand I do understand he wants to be with his mum sister and brothers as I do mine. Yet on the other hand I don't really have a choice I'm not welcome at his mums so there's no option for us all to go there yet there is the option for us all to go to my mums. My sister has said I need to get over it but it's made me feel quite sad now thinking about Christmas Day. Also my DC will be going to see the ILs but I've sAid only for an hour as I don't want to be without DC for too long. Again apparently I'm BU but as I said to DH this is not my choice I am not welcome in his mums so why should I have to be apart from my DC for too long. Am I sing a spoilt brat

OP posts:

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HaydeeofMonteCristo · 25/11/2015 22:54

He is incredibly u! Not wanting to spend the whole day with his dc? When he kknows you are not welcome at his mums. Horrible.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 25/11/2015 22:56

I see he is taking dc for a bit but still u.

Physcobitch · 25/11/2015 22:57

I know he is taking DC but it feels more because he has to rather than wants to and more for his mums benefit than his. In his words 'my mum has to see DC On Xmas day'

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Leelu6 · 25/11/2015 23:02

If you're not talking to eachother but MIL hasn't done done anything bad then I think it's reasonable for your DH to see his mum and DC to see their DG for a while.

It's sad there is a gulf between you.

KeepOnMoving1 · 25/11/2015 23:03

Your dh is caught in the middle, he isn't being UR though. And you can't really say that he has only one hour to take her there. That's not fair.

scarlets · 25/11/2015 23:08

It's a shame that you're "not that bothered" about the rift because it must make things very tough for your husband, and eventually your children will be aware of it. Could you not be the bigger person here, and approach her with an olive branch? Unless she's done something really horrific of course...

Physcobitch · 25/11/2015 23:09

I haven't said he can't or shouldn't see his family on Xmas day...i haven't even told him how sad I find it all I have just went along with the slit Christmas plans. The only objection I've had is that I don't want to be away from my DC for too long on Xmas day.

There is a back story but basically MIL tried ruined my wedding, pregnancy and the birth of DC with just plain nastiness. DH has agreed I am
Owed an apology (which she has said I'll never get)

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Physcobitch · 25/11/2015 23:15

I know it sounds bad I'm not that bothered but she really is a nasty vindictive woman who makes no secret of her strong dislike of me. so I can't let myself get caught up in that cycle again where I'm constantly trying to please her and getting nowhere

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manicinsomniac · 25/11/2015 23:19

Are you going to be able to go to your family while he is out?

If so, I think YABU

If you'll be sitting in the house on your own then YANBU, I think that's mean of him.

Nanny0gg · 25/11/2015 23:29

If she was so horrible to you I am not sure why your husband still thinks it's okay to stay in contact.

He doesn't seem to be taking your side anywhere in this. What did he think of her behaviour?

And even if you don't want it to be just you three for Christmas, wouldn't that be better than separate houses?

Physcobitch · 25/11/2015 23:35

He was very angry at the beginning and their relationship
Was very frosty for a good few months but then it was time to just get over it and brushed under the carpet. My DH views that his mum can do no wrong she was a single mother and will always remind them of how much she has done for them therefore it's her rules

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WhereYouLeftIt · 26/11/2015 00:13

"but he has decided he will go to his mums and leave me and DC to go to my mums for dinner."

He's a fuckwit. A total mummy's boy fuckwit. He is encouraging her behaviour by doing this, and I would he hanging his balls from the Christmas tree except his mother already has them safely stored away.

He is a husband and a father who puts his mother before his wife and children. Not a real man at all. Has he absolutely no idea how badly this will damage your relationship?

NewLife4Me · 26/11/2015 00:22

I agree, he is putting his mum before his family.
What a horrible thing to do to you at Christmas too.
I'm so sorry you are going through this but your dh is the problem not your mil, any decent man would not do this.
I know my dh would have and did go nc for years to take my side.

coconutpie · 26/11/2015 05:38

He is being unreasonable. I would not be allowing that nasty woman spend time with your DC after the way she treated you. Just because she's a grandma doesn't give her entitlements to your child if she has treated the child's mother like crap.

Also I'm disgusted on your behalf that your DH has decided to ditch his family (you and DC) to spend with his mother on Christmas Day who has been horrible to his wife. Where the fuck are his priorities? What a twat. He is way out of order here.

And why was it "time to get over it"? The only time there is to "get over it" is when MIL apologises to you and starts treating you with respect, not a second sooner. Just because some time has gone by since the incident doesn't mean that it should just be brushed under the carpet.

TeenAndTween · 26/11/2015 06:14

I think a better solution would be you all go to your Mum for lunch, and then in the later afternoon he takes your DC for afternoon tea (or whatever) at his parents.

That way you are all together for morning and lunch (dodgy to set a precedent of being apart for lunch) and then you get a rest from responsibility later in the day.

It is a pattern that would continue to work as your DC get older (and you'll miss the tired fractious bit as well).

Headofthehive55 · 26/11/2015 07:05

Ridiculous. You should be together on Christmas Day. A joint front to the world. Yes his mum might have to miss seeing your son, but then so do a lot of grandparents as it is often impossible to get to see both sets on that day.

Part of the consequences of his mothers refusal to apologise is that she might miss out in stuff like Christmas Day, otherwise you are paying for her behaviour. You are not divorced you should not be parted from your child. Your DH needs to realise this.

Unfortunately I think if he does take him round one hour leads to two etc and what then. He might say sorry but you have missed out on Christmas Day!

UnlikelyPilgramage · 26/11/2015 07:09

As the lone parent to one child, it does rather make my blood run in the future I'll spend Christmas alone because 'she has her own family.'

ofallthenerve · 26/11/2015 07:10

This sounds horrible. Sorry op but your DH is being u and a bit of an arsehole tbh.

You haven't even mentioned how you feel to him about this? I don't think I'd be holding my tongue in your shoes.

ofallthenerve · 26/11/2015 07:15

As the lone parent to one child, it does rather make my blood run in the future I'll spend Christmas alone because 'she has her own family.'

Presumably you aren't planning on alienating your dd's partner so that you can't all spend Xmas together though... This isn't your "I don't want to see in laws at Xmas I just want to stay home with MY family" type thread, which I don't agree with either.

TheAnswerIsYes · 26/11/2015 10:43

No way would my DH take my baby away from me on Christmas Day especially to go somewhere I wasn't welcome. Even now my DS is 4 he is staying with me while DH goes to see MIL on Christmas Day.

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