to ask for help coping with cold sores...

[chickenofprosperity]

I am a long-time lurker on here but this is my first thread with this username. Anyway, I am really stuggling at the moment and could do with some advice and possibly a kick up the arse. Background is I'm 32, had cs's when I was in my teens and then they just stopped for some reason, I had none at all in my late teens or twenties until they suddenly came back about 3 years ago. I've had 2 so far this year, one in March, when I started taking Lysine supplements and thought I kind of had it under control, and then a couple of weeks ago one just popped up literally out of nowhere, it wasn't really big at all or even all that noticeable (except to me) but it still took a week to dry up and go away and has really knocked me for six and I'm struggling to get past it.

Are cold sores a big deal in a relationship? I'm single just now but I want to get married and have children and am worried sick that nobody will want me if I suffer from these in case I pass them on. I have read about shedding the virus even when you don't have an actual sore and so should I never kiss anyone ever again? Or give oral sex to anyone? Will future partners think that I'm infected or dirty? When should I tell them that I get cold sores? Before I kiss them? Before we have sex? What about if I have children, can I never kiss them? I'm paranoid about touching myself and although the sore is gone I can't stop washing my hands or panicking that I might self-transmit the virus to my genitals.

I have spent literally days Googling about ways to prevent and get rid of them and have spent a fortune on various supplements, gadgets and creams, I have an entire arsenal of stuff here but obviously as it's an incurable virus none of it actually is guaranteed to work. I have become obsessed with the idea of them coming back and am completely paranoid about every itch, twitch or random feeling on my lips. It's the fact that they can just appear from nowhere that I find so hard to deal with, what if they keep coming back every few weeks, I don't think I can cope. I literally can't stop panicking about it, even though I realise that stressing myself out is actually more likely to bring them on. I feel like I'm the only person who gets them and I never see anyone else with them. I am so, so aware that people deal with life threatening issues and 'bigger' things than this, I just can't seem to get any perspective on it.

So I guess what I'm asking is that if you don't get them, do you think they're a big deal and would they be a relationship deal breaker for you? And if you do get them, how do you cope with them? Thank you so much for reading this.

[WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant]

My ex had them. I was with him for 20 years. I have never caught them off him, neither did our dcs.

When you get one, you need to be more careful. Don't share cutlery/cups or anything that touches your mouth.

As soon as you feel a "tingle", use some Zovirax (or generic stuff, can't remember the actual drug. Acyclovir ? Please check. ) it won't remove it completely, but will reduce it.

There will be a few days when you get one, where you can't kiss a dp or a child. But you can still hug them.

It's not the end of the world. Just take extra care.

[glenthebattleostrich]

Also if one does pop up ( mine sometimes appear overnight) cover it with a compede plaster, that seals them in and reduces the risk of passing them on. It also stops you picking at them.

I've been getting them since I was a child and have never had trouble with a boyfriend. I'm now married with a child so it really doesn't stop you doing anything.

I tend to get them when I'm Ill or run down so I make the effort to eat healthy, exercise regularly and use sunscreen on my lips.

[Vagabond]

If you get them often, you can get zovirax (or own brand) tablets (prescription from doctor) which you take every day to prevent them. They work a treat. Or, you can take them in times of stress and/or when you feel the tingle and they go away pretty much before they form properly.

They work and this will solve your problem.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Lip salve with sunscreen, reduce stress, lysine supplements and yes, you can get married and have children. I did.

Some of what you are saying sounds unhealthy. Do you suffer from OCD or anxiety?

[WallToWallBastards]

I get cold sores regularly, its awful but the Boots/Compede plasters clear them super quickly without scabbing.
I worry about the same things as you but so far have never given anyone the virus, genital or otherwise ;) I do however have my own flannels and towels that no one else uses.
Fwiw my ex still wanted me to put my mouth in various places during my outbreaks so don't worry about that. But do wear underwear in bed during an outbreak, it keeps my mind at rest.

[Petradreaming]

I get them, particularly when I am stressed or run down, nasty things. However I have been with my husband for over 20 years and neither he or my daughter have caught them. I am pretty rigorous about contact though when I have a breakout, so no kissing / sharing cups etc.
Lysine helps & I find zinc & Vit C is helpful. Hit them with Zovirax ( any own brand is much cheaper) as soon as you feel a tingle. I carry it at all times... and don't be tempted to pick at them. I feel your pain.

[WallToWallBastards]

Some pictures if it cheers you up. I look like this in all of my ID photos, my mother claims I did it on purpose to ruin the Christmas and birthday photos. I do suffer with anxiety which does make them worse but hopefully if you feel a bit calmer about them, outbreaks will be less frequent.

I apologise if anyone is eating

[SacredHeart]

My mum suffered horrendously from cold sores when I was a child but I never caught them.

That in mind I am petrified of them and get scared when friends have outbreaks. So, I hate to say it but I would expect a potential partner to tell me if they had them and would definitely be worried of catching them. I think partly because if it didn't work out and I caught them then that impacts my future prospects and partly as the pain and misery they caused my mum. I know that's not what you want to hear but it is the truth for me, I'm sure there are other more rational people out there.

On a care and prevention note my mum had a full set of cutlery, crockery and cups for when she had a breakout that we were not allowed to use.

[villainousbroodmare]

I think you sound like you need some MH help with this.
I get cold sores... well, I "treat the tingle" with generic acyclovir and so I never ever get anything you could even see.
My husband of ten years doesn't have them. I don't kiss my baby on the mouth but I wouldn't anyway.
I don't have separate cups or anything.

[HaydeeofMonteCristo]

Interested in this as dh has managed to get a cold sore on his head . I didn't think that was even possible, but he has been prescribed aciclovir for it and it is going.

He was worried about unprotected sex kn future but was i right to say herpes on the face has nothing to do with getting it on the genitals?

[clogher]

I used to get one when the weather changed, when I was stressed, when I was overtired etc. On my lips, my nose, my eyelids. Tried everything and spent a fortune on compeed and zovirax. Then two years ago in despair I bought a UV light thing in Boots, around 50 euro. Thought it was a gimmick but was desperate. And it worked!! It knocked 4 days off the outbreak I bought it during, then the next tingle I got it zapped as soon as I felt the tingle and it never erupted and there has been nothing since.

No exaggeration it changed my life

[Ohbollockstothem]

walltowall I used to get them like like , I was signed off work too best thing ever to stop them is Elizabeth Arden eight hour vasoline

[SacredHeart]

HSV-1 (cold sores) can absolutely be transferred to genitals though skin to skin physical contact. So, unless you have some forehead foreplay, the risk is low.

[BurningGubbins]

I get coldsores when I'm run down (I've got one dying off now). L-lysine supplements have really changed my life - I was getting them every couple of months, now I can go years without (I ran out of lysine and am pg, so I assume that's what's happened).
I don't kiss my husband or son directly when I have one and make sure cups etc are properly washed, and they've never caught them. It's totally manageable. I agree with the poster upthread - you sound incredibly anxious about something that if managed well is not a problem.

It never occurred to me to have 'talk' with my husband beforehand to confess my secret. It's just part of me. If something as minor as this was a dealbreaker I'd think the relationship was doomed to failure anyway.

[coconutpie]

I've thankfully never had a cold sore, the thoughts of them make me shudder as they are a lifelong annoyance. You should ensure that when you have a breakout that you avoid doing anything that could pass them on.

Oh and this doesn't seem to be that common knowledge so I'll bold it:

Never EVER EVER kiss a baby (not even the top of their head or cheek) or touch your cold sore then touch a baby (especially a newborn) if you have an active cold sore. It can actually kill a baby because they cannot cope with the virus.

I don't understand why people just can't have a bit of common sense when it comes to these things. I've heard of many parents getting cold sores and not passing them on. And then I've heard about other children catching them from their parents. It's entirely preventative.

[kitnkaboodle]

I get them. You cannot transmit the virus from your mouth to your genitals - cold sore virus is herpes simplex - it's a different virus to genital herpes. Further googling might show you that. And you can only infect another person with the clear liquid that comes out of the blisters - yuk! Sorry! But you don't carry the virus in your saliva or blood all the time. It lies in a nerve ending and travels down the nerve to the skin when it's triggered by ... stress/sun/fatigue/hormones. That's why you always get them in the same area. are you getting it confused with scarlet fever - the 'kissing disease', which some people are carriers of? Seriously, being prone to cold sores isn't really 'a thing' at all. I've been with my partner for 23 years and he's never caught them from me; neither have my kids. I just don't kiss them when I've got a blister. No need to tell a sexual partner about them if you haven't actually got one appearing or healing. in all these years I've found that nothing really helps to speed up their healing, but compeed plasters are best at disguising them. They're gone in a week. You do seem over-anxious and obsessive about it ... do you tend to obsess over other stuff?

[ALemonyPea]

I was cursed with cold sores as a child and my feckless mother prefered spending money on booze than treatments for me. As a result I have some lovely scars on my lips.

I used to get them all the time, when I was run down, when I was due in,mthen I was excited about something, when I went swimming etc. I had an awful breakout a few years ago when I had tonsillitis and the GP prescribed acyclovir tablets and not only did it clear that outbreak,mbut I rarely get a cold sore, I went just over a full year without an outbreak. It was the best year ever.

When I do get a cold sore though, I find the best thing (and I have tried numerous stuff) is a compede patch straight away.

When you have one, always wash your hands after touching/washing your face, don't share towels with other people and NEVER EVER touch or kiss a newborn baby while you have one. I had to wait nearly two weeks before I met my nephew as I had a cold sore. It's the safest way though.

[ALemonyPea]

Due on*

[SacredHeart]

Unfortunately they can be transmitted from face to genitals, it's less common but does happen, which googling does show...

From Web MD
"HSV-1 [cold sore virus] can cause genital herpes, but most cases of genital herpes are caused by herpes type 2."

[BumbleNova]

Have you been to your GP? you can be prescribed a course of Aciclovir tablets to take. i think they can give you a month or so. It can help your system better deal with the virus and above all it means you cant get another so it will give you some respite? I think other posters are right, I think you have more going on than the cold sores.

I also agree with the boots light thing. it really is great. I've suffered for a long time and the only impact it has on my life is that I cant kiss my DP during an outbreak. the other thing I would recommend is herpatch serum. it completely seals the sore so you can put make up over it and you cant infect anyone else.

[Cloppysow]

My mate who suffers from them rugularly puts tea tree oil on them then covers with vaseline. The tea tree oil is anti viral and the vaseline stops them from cracking. She swears by it.

[Dachshund]

It's just a question of being careful. My mum got kissed by some overbearing aunt in her childhood and has had fairly regular cold sores my whole life (they flare up in bad weather or at times of stress). I've never caught them off her, and neither has my dad who's been married to her 30 years.

She was always very careful with glasses/cutlery/towels when one appeared, and she also pretty much always had Zovirax on hand to start zapping them as soon as she felt a tingle.

[PallasCat]

Oh OP you sound so stressed by this! You poor thing.

I get them, and I hate them. Horrible, painful things. And I really can relate to the extent of your worry - I remember clearly feeling just as you've described when I had a particularly bad bout of them in my early twenties. Every twinge or tickle anywhere on my body (and I'm the most ticklish, hypersensitive person I've ever met!) had me panicking and despairing too.

But as you have said yourself, this is not a life-limiting problem. At most it is a discomfort and an inconvenience which needs managing. I can assure you that people with cold sores do get married and have children, just like everyone else.

As far as telling significant others, or potential significant others, about it, I'm pretty sure the first time I told my then-boyfriend, now-DH about it was the first time in our relationship that I got one. He was completely unfazed and underwhelmed (some time later he told me he had an ex who got them extensively, so a, he was completely used to the scenario and b, mine were practically invisible by comparison).

I think that I pre-warned him by text or over the phone, as I impose a strict kissing ban when I get them - which is now just routine for us. As far as CSs having an impact on our relationship, there is practically none, other than DH having had to get used to my total kissing/sex ban and obsessive (he would say excessive) cleaning regime.

There is no reason why CSs should have any impact on your future, other than the discomfort and inconvenience you encounter when you have them, and the care you take not to spread them. This may be cliched but really, if cold sores would be a deal breaker for any potential partner, it doesn't sound like a match made in heaven anyway.

I do wonder if you should speak to a doctor though regarding the extent of your anxiety about this, for reassurance. You do really seem to have taken an emotional hit with this. And for goodness' sake stop googling cold sores. The internet is MAD, especially on health matters. By now you will be well past anything useful it has to tell you.

[rosepepper2010]

I have suffered terribly from terrible sores for a while I almost always had them and was permanently on a clover tablets.

I still get them quite a lot and have found Lucas paw paw cream for some reason gets rid of them the quickest. I don't know why sometimes they even go overnight or couple of night instead of 10 days.

[squoosh]

Have you tried the cold sore zapping machine?. The reviews are pretty impressive.