Aibu to be disgusted by these men?

[GinNJuiceBaby]

Me and best friend are in our early thirties, we went out tonight, had a few drinks and met up with some younger guys that she knows through a mutual friend. One of them fancies her, but she doesn't fancy him, she likes one of the others. Her and the one she likes started flirting and at closing time we all got a taxi together as we could get dropped off one by one on the way to hers.

In the taxi, her and the bloke she likes started getting touchy feely and kissed briefly. The one who fancies her and his friend did not like this at all. They started making sly digs, which then progressed to calling her a slut, which I called them out on.

They then demanded the taxi stop to let them out and went nuts, they called her fat, disgusting, ugly, a dirty slut...i was shocked at it and didn't know what to say tbh... She stuck up for herself, and I tried to defend her and was told to "shut the fuck up woman".

This verbal tirade continued after we got out of the taxi, they followed us and called us names. They were early twenties. I guess what I'm asking is what triggered this and what kind of attitudes towards women must they have to act this way?

[Bogeyface]

Because they are fucking idiots and the one who fancied her needed to insult her to "prove" he didnt really fancy her anyway.

Fuckwits who will hopefully grow up when they realise that the way to get a woman to like is NOT to call her a fat slut.

[Bogeyface]

to like them

[velouria]

That sounds very grim. The one who fancied her, obviously had some scenario where they would end up flirting/getting it on, forefront in his mind, because obviously she would fancy him too, who wouldn't! Entitled ego driven little prick.

[ChanandlerBongsNeighbour]

That's shocking! Ridiculous immature little twats! (the 'shouters', not you and your friend!). Unbelievable!

[Atenco]

I would be very concerned about the one she got off with. I mean birds of a feather flock together springs to mind

[Birdsgottafly]

I don't know how aware of "every day" sexism, you are, but this stems on from there.

I think if most men are pushed, via clever questioning, it's there, waiting to come out.

The situation was, the men decided who she should pick, she didn't do as she was directed, so they punished her with verbal abuse.

It's even more depressing, when women show these traits.

[Cloppysow]

Some men can't take rejection. Rather than accepting women don't fancy them, they try to shame the woman.

I've had this a number of times on a dating site.

"Hi sexy, fancy some no strings fun"

"No thanks"

"You're fat anyway. You look old in your photos"

"Um you contacted me idiot"

[KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth]

Sadly a lot of men don't like women. It is the attitude that women are only there for men's benefit and use. As a woman your friend should not have been entitled to an opinion about who she fucks (in their view, not mine obvs!) - she is there to be used, not have an opinion. The one who fancies your friend doesn't actually like her. He WANTS her, which is different, and therefore thinks he should have her. Because after all she is just a woman and what else is she there for?

It is sad how so many men actually dislike women in this way. It sounds like a horrible experienxe OP, hope you and your friend are ok.

[ijustwannadance]

The 10 year age gap wouldn't of helped either. Seems like a lot of men that age are still like teenagers. They probably assumed you were old and desperate

[Theydontknowweknowtheyknow]

"Men get angry in rejection" the guy that wrote Trainspotting wrote that and I always thought it pretty astute.

I've experienced it several times when a guy who fancies you is all sweetness and light until they discover you like someone else. Then the gloves are off and this simmering Elliot-style hatred of women who don't go their way and make their own decisions about who they sleep with comes to the fore.

[velourvoyageur]

I don't trust men until I get to know them, point.
Yesterday in the space of two hours I was honked at, followed down the street with creepy comments about my body and finally groped in the cinema. I wasn't surprised at any of it really, it's not new at all.

I don't feel like I'm seen as a person, just an opportunity. They don't gain anything from respecting women so they just don't respect us.

OP that's really awful. Well done for sticking up for yourself, I'm usually too scared they'll turn nasty.
Sad to think that so many boys grow up to be such sad little people when they could be so different.

[Bullshitbingo]

I'm actually amazed you've got to your early thirties without something like this happening to you already?! Maybe I'm just jaded....?

[twoboystwogirls]

Men seem to be devolving. When they show such little respect for women it becomes almost impossible to have any respect for them. And then they wonder why women reject them!?

[WhatamessIgotinto]

What did the guy she kissed say? Did he join in or say nothing?

[diddl]

Why wasn't the guy gtting flack from his mates for chatting up the girl that his mate fancied??

They all sound awful tbh.

[boovmoves]

The only men that think like this are insecure weirdos who can't get a girlfriend. There are plenty of decent men out there I wouldn't worry about it.

[Lurkedforever1]

Yabu to be suprised, egotistical wankers tend to respond to rejection by acting like egotistical wankers. Because of course anyone would indeed be attracted to them When I was at school it was 'frigid' and in my late teens/ early 20's it was lesbian/ dyke if you turned down some knobends advances.

[Hygge]

What did the man she was kissing say to his friends?

[RogerAndVal]

Today 08:00 ijustwannadance

The 10 year age gap wouldn't of helped either. Seems like a lot of men that age are still like teenagers. They probably assumed you were old and desperate grin

I suspect that is what you think ijustwannadance

In my experience of dating in my early 30s, younger men were always the ones chasing me, and being very infatuated. Most women look at their best in their early 30s, and have developed their confidence to boot. This can be rather intimidating to sexually insecure little weasels, regardless of age.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

How they behaved is inexcusable no question about thst. Hope your both okay. It bloody hurts when people say nasty things but I have to say this. Men are also human and do not like rejection. Twist it around s minute. Your friend likes a guy, but feelings are unrequited. He fancies you. Next minute right under her nose you're all over each other. How would you friend feel. How would anyone feel, jealous resentful, that their nose was being rubbed in it, so I am sorry to say this but your friend and indeed his friend hsve been as equally insensitive, to him, albeit not verbally but emotionally hurts just as much.
Now his friend I have no reasoning for him. He never suffered rejection so don't know why he was mouthing off.

[Birdsgottafly]

""The only men that think like this are insecure weirdos who can't get a girlfriend""

Unfortunately, they aren't, we are surrounded by them, but they keep a lid on it.

We can only try to do is change this mindset by social conditioning and not accepting this attitude, that leads to abusive behaviour.

[Bambambini]

Ok, i've twisted it around. I've been rejected or not had my attraction returned and never did or would act like that.

[dementedDementor]

Yanbu but sadly this is not uncommon. Am curious about what the friend of theirs was going during this?

[dementedDementor]

Was doing, not going.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

No you may not have, reacted like thst Bambi but not everyone is the same, people react to and handle things differently, Rejection as upsetting as it is is one thing, Rejection and getting it rubbed in your face is another,.