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AIBU?

To ask why she removed me as a FB friend?

36 replies

DirtyMugPolice · 27/08/2015 12:46

I made a friend through an exercise class - it's a bootcamp style thing so lots of camaraderie and friendliness. We chatted over about 6 moths ish then became FB friends. Would pair up together at the classes etc, then in December had a nice meal out together. Had lots in common. In the following months we were chatty messaging - I sent her one in February which she didn't reply to - but didn't think anything of it. I noticed a few weeks later she had de-friended me.

I'm totally baffled to be honest - and still am all these months later. I obsessively trawled through my FB feed to try and work out if I may have said something to offend but I don't think I had. Who knows? She's still on FB as we have mutual friends so it's not as if she removed everyone in one go. I haven't seen her at the classes as she stopped going around this time - and I got pregnant so haven't been myself since March time. I liked her and I thought we got on and it makes me sad wondering what I did, if anything. Would it be too late in the day to text her asking why she removed me - or shall I just forget about it? I'm unlikely to see her again by accident!

OP posts:

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WorraLiberty · 27/08/2015 12:49

If you're still thinking about it 6 months later, you probably do need to send her a chatty 'Hi how are you' message, and then say you've noticed you're no longer friends I suppose.

When I used to use FB, I had 2 messages like that and I had no idea why they weren't on my list. It turned out to be a FB glitch I think.

One of them was my own sister!

balletgirlmum · 27/08/2015 12:54

You havnt inadvertently shared any Britain First posts or sny status about immigration, asylum seekers or benefits counters have you.

An aquaintance of mine (school mum) she's into boot camp stuff oddly enough recently announced she was removing anyone who she doesn't interact with regularly in real life or who shares certain posts.

Might be sonething as simple as that. I once removed all people connected with my ds's school because of a particular incident for example (someone reported a post to the head & I didn't know who)

EmmaWoodlouse · 27/08/2015 12:55

I would never ask someone why they unfriended me, they might think it looks whiny and needy. Some people do periodically go through and unfriend anyone they haven't seen in a while and don't really interact with any more. The other possibility is that she deactivated her account for a while for some reason, after which you need to re-add people. But if she has actively chosen to unfriend you, there's no point chasing after something that's gone. YANBU to be a bit sad and puzzled by it but I'd advise you to move on.

MrsTedCrilly · 27/08/2015 12:57

That does sound odd! It's an awful feeling isn't it.. I had one woman I used to work with delete me out of nowhere. We got on so well, always sending nice messages to each other.. Then my dad died, I wondered why she didn't message me but never said anything, and then deleted.. It's awful when you spend time creating a friendship and then it's just gone. I would message her to get some closure/see if there was a misunderstanding.. You have nothing to lose but maybe something to gain

wasonthelist · 27/08/2015 13:00

Facebastard is as buggy as flip - I have one fb friend who isn't a friend but only on the phone app - it is very odd.

KittyLane1 · 27/08/2015 13:02

I accidentally unfriended a guy from school without realising. I then thought he had unfriended me so I didn't bother contacting him.

Saw him in person and we both found it funny. Could have been an accident?

WhyDoesGastonBark · 27/08/2015 13:03

Not saying you do but...

I remove people who share Britain first posts, too many photos of their kids, too many photos of ibiza, too many hashtags, have turned into a FL/JP/Younique bot or are too negative about life... Poof! Gone and don't feel I should explain myself to them, I just don't want to read their crap.

Is it possible she has her own criteria of things like this and you met one?

WhyDoesGastonBark · 27/08/2015 13:04

By too many photos of their kids (or pets) I mean excessive, over 5 a day, every day... Usually in their 100's

DirtyMugPolice · 27/08/2015 13:09

Thanks both. Should I text rather then send her a FB message - unless she's changed her number too. Ha! Worra funny if it was a glitch. Maybe she never removed me and thought I removed her!

balletgirlmum Nope nothing like that but I feel those are entirely valid reasons for removing people! How about something like this:

Hiya - hope you and N(her DH) are well! I just wanted to message you as I noticed a few months ago that we were no longer friends on Facebook - and it has been worrying me ever since as I have been trying to work out if I had done/said something on there that may have upset or offended you. I thought we were getting on really well and we had a nice time when we went out in December. I admit I am a worrier by nature - so by sending this message I can at least get it 'out there'! I hope you're well anyway - haven't been to exercise class for a good few months (not putting about the pregnancy as it isn't relevant and TTC stuff is a bit sensitive to her) but hoping to get back next year sometime so maybe see you then hopefully. Love from me x

OP posts:

DirtyMugPolice · 27/08/2015 13:10

Sorry slow at posting thanks for subsequent replies!

OP posts:

bikeandrun · 27/08/2015 13:11

My dh nearly defriended his sister over Britain first rubbish.It was one of their sneaky animal cruelty ones, he told her what they get up to and she was mortified.

swisscheesetony · 27/08/2015 13:12

I've just de-friended about 150 people. It wasn't personal, it's just where my head is at right now.

But will also say that sometimes buttons get "sticky" on the phone and you end up liking/unfriending or something just because the phone is 30 seconds behind your finger!

SillyBub · 27/08/2015 13:15

Even before reading your last post, OP, I guessed that this might have something to do with your pregnancy, especially as the timings of when you got pregnant and her de-friending you seem to tie up.

Now you've said that TTC is a sensitive issue for her, I think you've found your answer. When you are trying and failing to conceive, someone else's pregnancy, especially a close friend's, seems like a personal attack on you. Not rational, no, but that's how it is.

That's my guess, fwiw.

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 27/08/2015 13:15

I think that sounds fine! You need to be mentally prepared for her coming back with a hard-to-hear comment on your personality, just in case it was a deliberate snubbing, though.
Hope it was all a misunderstanding

boovmoves · 27/08/2015 13:16

My best friend messaged me and asked why I had deleted her on facebook. My 2 year old had managed to do it and add 3 people I didn't know. I hadn't even noticed!

FinallyHere · 27/08/2015 13:24

^ what sillybub said (sorry if i got the name wrong, I'm sure it started with silly and find myself reluctant to say just 'silly'

Whatever it was, it's very much more likely that its about her, rather than about you. I don't often delete people and when i do, it's either because i am no longer interested in the activity or whatever we have in common, or that i feel, for example, fat and frumpy compared to them, so prefer that details of their happy life do not pop up in my thread.

Klaptrap · 27/08/2015 13:24

You mention you are pregnant and that TTC is a "a bit sensitive to her" - do you think that could be it? Does she know you are pregnant? I know some women, if they are struggling with fertility issues, can really find it hard to be around pregnant women.

Klaptrap · 27/08/2015 13:25

Ah SillyBub beat me to it!

MrsTedCrilly · 27/08/2015 13:30

That's a lovely message. And I agree with others, I bet it's the TTC stuff.. She might have wanted no reminders of babies and pregnancy.. So in that case you probably weren't the only one.

DirtyMugPolice · 27/08/2015 13:33

Sorry didn't mean to drop feed r.e. TTC! She doesn't want children and her and her H are very confident in that decision. We had discussed my own fertility issues and people's reactions to lack of children/more children. I'm 99% confident my pregnancy won't be the issue she was very adamant that she likes children/is happy for friends that have children but it wasn't for her. In any case I found out about my pregnancy after she removed me so I doubt she knows and I haven't got my profile photo as a scan/bump photo!

OP posts:

AuntyMag10 · 27/08/2015 13:45

Actually I wouldn't, I unfriended someone who just annoyed me with their posting and he asked me why i did so. I didn't bother replying and hope he would go back at his posts and have a think. If by now she hasn't contacted you then you obviously aren't on her mind. So she's not interested to know about you, so you should be too. Just leave it , I think.

AlphabetStew · 27/08/2015 14:02

Could you send her a friend request? If you were unfriended by accident she'll re-accept but if she's decided for some reason that she doesn't wish to be connected to you she will decline.

At least that way you'll know if she's deleted you on purpose or not. If she.does decline then you could decide if you want to pursue the reason.

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RunAwayHome · 27/08/2015 14:08

I took various people off my friends list when I was no longer in the same groups as them (hobbies, classes, etc) because that was really our only interaction, and we didn't carry on after that. And I don't specially like to have people seeing my profile if I'm not really in contact with them, interacting a lot on facebook (especially if they're definitely on there a lot, jsut not interacting with me; I don't mind so much the few people who don't usually interact with me, but are only on once in a blue moon). It just feels a bit voyeuristic for someone that I'm not close to.

People use facebook for all kind of reasons. Some like really small friends lists that they post really personal stuff, or have deep discussions. Others like to have hundreds or thousands or friends, and keep it light. Some are friends with everyone they meet, and others really selective. You have to try not to take it personally, because usually it's just some kind of mismatch between the way two different people use facebook.

AyeAmarok · 27/08/2015 14:26

I think your message is very nice OP, you should send it.

goldglittershitter · 27/08/2015 14:36

Think we've all had that headscratching moment of being unfriended n really not knowing why. Hope u get an answer, OP, please keep us posted x

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